Thoughts On A Monday

Today in our tiny little town we are getting 85 degree weather. I am so excited! In fact, I'm so excited that I even busted out the mom shorts! LOL! Spring is finally here Y'ALL!! And that means that Summer is well on its way!! Now, I normally love cold weather. I love the snow, and I love the rain. I love hot chocolate and warm blankets. But as the years go by, and as Emery has gotten older, I've realized that summer is definitely our favorite season. Plus with all of this global warming going on winter just hasn't been what it used to be. So yes, we are very very much excited for summer in this household.

There’s something about the heat that I find absolutely enjoyable. The way my skin feels after being out in the sun soaking up as much vitamin D as it can. I just feel so much more awake and energized. I also like getting to go for a run in the afternoons and once I’m done still have enough daylight to go exploring with Emery. I love being able to take long walks/runs with her too. When she first started running such long distances (for a toddler) I was a bit concerned. But once the doctor gave us her seal of approval we spent a lot of time outside going for runs. Ever since then, I've been itching to get us back out there! And since she showed such an interest in running last summer I've decided to take her shoe shopping for her very first pair of running shoes as soon as this weather stays permanent.

The infamous "Mom shorts"

Lately, I've been thinking a lot about slowing things down. I recently took a spill (I fainted) after a work out because I skipped out on my vitamins for 48 hours. Or at least that's what I'm blaming it on because I'm not pregnant, I wasn't dehydrated, and I had eaten that day. So, after that I’m pretty sure this anemic things is going to take longer than two months to finally straighten itself out. Which means I need to start eating foods that have iron in them, as well as not pushing myself so hard when it comes to work outs. I need to listen to my body and what it’s telling me. Work my way back up instead of trying to get back to where I was within one week. I need to accept that I'm pretty much starting over. Which sucks, but I got lucky this time and made it to the locker room before face planting. Next time I might not get so lucky, and that could be incredibly dangerous. So I need to listen to my body, and learn to be patient/content with the progress I’m currently making. At least until the doctor tells me otherwise.

Right before I fainted. Literally. 

I also feel really awful about slacking off on my diet last month. I had no gain and no loss, but I still feel crappy about not keeping up with it. So with this new month comes a new attitude; a new resolve. I’m hoping to get back into my strict diet from before, and hopefully shed another 15 lbs. by the time summer gets here. I plan on preparing my snacks and lunches the night before again, and going back to eating mainly fruits and veggies. I might also go back to drinking Rockin’ Wellness, and start on some SPARK for extra energy. Currently, these are just some ideas I've been tossing around because I’m always looking for ways to help instead of hinder my progress. Plus, with my schedule, I need things that are quick and simple. So here’s to getting back to it for the month of March, yea?!

This passed weekend we had a blast! I spent a lot of time with family, and was able to go see Lindsey Stirling live with a friend. We spent an entire day in our PJ’s and watched movies. Then on Sunday we went to Trader’s Village and were able to look around and ride some ride. I'll write more about these little adventures throughout the week, but I just wanted to say that it was definitely a fun weekend. One that was very much needed. And finally, I've suffered a tiny set back in the college department. One that I’m okay with and that I’ll write more about at a later time as well. Once everything is processed, and actually gone through. Even with this change I’m pretty relieved and I feel like I’m slowly making the necessary changes I need in my life. It’s been wonderful, and I can’t wait to see what’s to come.

Happy Monday, y’all!!

Good Grief, At least Try!

Oh dear.

Do you see that? That outfit, that hair? The lack of effort in trying to look presentable? Yea...that’s me. Hi.

Why yes, I can see that I look like crap!

No, it’s not just a bad day, this is me pretty much all of the time.

No I’m not pregnant, silly! It’s the dress.

You know, I used to have such great fashion sense. Then I went through my “band t-shirt” stage, my corset stage, and finally my “Is-She-A-Slut?” stage. In case you were wondering, No I wasn’t. Then I got married, and a year later I got knocked up. I just going to come out and say it: I blame a crappy pregnancy for my awful look. I was always swollen, I threw up all of the time, and I looked like a damn road map! Still do, if I’m gunna be honest. I lived in loose pants and big shirts. And I always had on sneakers or flip flops. When my feet would swell I would just loosen my shoes or take them off. I also managed to always get vomit in my hair (it was long), that eventually I just wore it in a bun. Still do, if I’m gunna be honest. And my look hasn’t really changed in the two years since.

I feel like this needs to change. Drastically and as soon as possible. Wouldn’t you agree? So, now comes the hard part. How in the hell do I achieve this? When I was younger I had HOURS to get ready. I had MONEY to buy new clothes. I always had at least 9 hours of sleep! Those were the days! I didn’t stress over bills, expenses, or school so my skin was always so clear. Now days, I look like someone who got dressed in the dark! Someone who has never heard of tweezers. And this is really starting to scare me.

So how do I reverse this? I see so many moms, and women my age all so well put together. Hell, I go to school with women around my mom’s age and they are always dressed nicely and made up. I want that! I want to look better. I want to have the time, energy, and put forth the effort it takes to get myself looking better. Presentable. 

I don’t know the first thing about make-up anymore. Fashion and clothes have not been on my list of things to look into, because everything's so damn expensive! I'm lucky if I can buy a shirt from Wal-Mart. Not that there's anything wrong with Wal-Mart clothes. I'm just saying that not even those prices fit into my budget sometimes. And hair? What the hell do I do with it? Mine is usually either straightened or curly. So if it’s straight, it’s just straight. If it’s curly, it’s up in a bun. I have no idea how to even begin to really take care of or manage it. The fact that my face is too round to pull off the shaved head look is probably the only reason why I haven’t taken that route. Well, that and my husband would kill me. Also, like I said before, I’m working with a budget pretty much all of the time. I don’t buy anything unless I’ve planned for it a head of time, and I really don’t splurge on myself. Ever. 

So, where do I START? Because I really need a change. I really need some kind of a makeover. And damn it, I at least need to try. I want to look nice. I want to feel nice again. With my body and my appearance. 

I Don't Feel Pretty

I ate way too much junk yesterday. I ate way too much junk this morning. I’m having one of those “fat weeks” where I just eat. I don’t feel like my weight loss is progressing. I’m a mess. My eyebrows are in some mad need of some serious maintenance. My skin is breaking out. My nails are pretty much gone, again. My feet are in horrible shape due to running (blisters, calluses). My skin is so dry and ashy.

I don’t feel pretty.

I did the exact thing, I told myself I would not do. I let myself go. Body image issues and poor self-esteem have been with me since forever. So I was constantly working out. My hair was always straightened and on days that I didn’t have time, I would throw some mouse in it and wear my natural curls. All shiny and bouncy. I never went out without at least some base, eyeliner, and lip balm. Simple, but it still made me feel like this was my “war paint”. I knew I wasn’t a knockout, but at least I was trying to make myself look presentable. I don’t know why I even bothered because I was never the type of person to care what about what others thought of me. Still, I was a girl, and I wanted to be beautiful. I wanted to feel good about myself. Unfortunately, that never happened. And I struggle with it on a daily basis, still to this day.

I feel like I’m always rushing. I’m always out of time. I’m too tired. I’m too lazy. There’s always something else I could be doing. Something more important. And I’ve lost time for me. Yes, I’m back into running but it’s not the same. I’m not getting the results I had hoped for. So I end up binge eating (minus the throwing up; can’t do it) and then feeling even worse. That’s happened in the past two days. I’m really really disappointed in myself. I don’t seem to try anymore. My looks are completely gone. I don’t put that effort that I used to into looking presentable. I hardly ever wear make-up. I wear clothes that won’t show my bulge which means they’re usually oversized t-shirts. I don’t ever pamper myself. Last time I tried to live on the edge and get my hair cut, I just ended up trimming it. No color, no style. Nothing. I don’t even lather up with lotion, or body spray like I used to. Deodorant is pretty much as far as I get when it comes to scents.

I feel like a slob.

My workplace isn’t much help either (not like it mattered at my last one either). I work with guys, we never see our customers in person, and we handle FMC parts. So there isn’t much need to get all dolled up. Chances are by the end of the day I’ll have grease somewhere on me. Lovely. Stay at home mom’s, I envy you. I know that being a SAHM is not easy, and it’s just as grueling as any other job. But between naps, at least you get some downtime, housework chores completed, or a bit of "you" time. I get to come home and finish whatever it is that I tried to finish up the day before. I wish I had your energy. I don’t know how some of you can even stay up as late as 11 pm doing crafts, projects, or getting some pampering in knowing you’ll have to be up early again the next day to do your job, being a mom. Being a “working” mom, Em is usually at the sitters so I don’t get to spend all that time with her. Still, I get tired and she’s off the walls nowadays. She’s constantly on the go and wanting to explore. So even with that time we do spend I’m left feeling even more tired than before. So I have such respect for all of you.

I wish I could be like all of you.

Instead, here I sit. In a shirt that I just grabbed and threw on (it’s too tight), my hair piled up in an awkward looking bun, bags under my eyes, no make-up on, and eyebrows that haven’t had attention in weeks. I’m not trying to impress anyone, and I don’t care what any strangers think of my looks. But when did I stop caring about me?

Yesterday

Today