A Tattoo - Waves

For Christmas, Beau paid for a small tattoo that I had been wanting to get done for a while. Yea, a little awkward now but at the time it was a nice gesture. Anyway, I wanted something minimal that would represent several things for me. Something simple yet loud. And well, I got some tiny waves on my wrist. 

The ocean has always had a calming affect on me too. When I lived in California, I always felt this pull towards it. As soon as I would smell that salty air, I could feel all the tension ease away. The stress would melt, and I could sit on the big rocks just watching the waves crash. And as much as I love the ocean, I also have a fear of it. Well, more like respect. I can only go so deep before I start to feel scared. I can only swim for so long before I feel like I need to get out. It’s a powerful force, and I never want to overstay my welcome. But I love it. And I wanted something that would constantly remind me of that balance.

If you’re new here, or you've never read that far back. Honestly, please don’t. It’s embarrassing. Then you may have wondered why this blog is titled “my little ocean”. Why someone who is a bit afraid of the ocean and lives in Texas would name her blog after it? Well, the short answer is that I started this blog as a “mom blog”. A way to share my experiences and express myself when I was in the trenches of new motherhood. So, this blog is named after my daughter. Ocean. Plus, her sign is Aquarius and she loves the water. The violets I have on my shoulder represent her birth month, and the waves now represent her name.

Also a few years ago, I lost a cousin, by marriage, to addiction. He was a great kid. We were never really close. But there was just something magnetic about him. He lit up a room with his smile, and he had this "old soul" vibe about him. There was a time when he found himself living in Texas for a few months, and it was during his time here that I realized what a wonderful person he was. Troubled, and struggling. But genuine and kind. Before he left back to California, he promised me that the next time I went for a visit he would show me how to surf. Unfortunately, life didn’t allow for that. I remember his smile as he walked away from the car that morning, and that was the last time I ever saw him. A few years ago, he passed away due to an overdose and it broke my heart. So, I wanted something that would represent his life. His love for the water. Our shared respect of the ocean.

And finally, I wanted something empowering. About two or three years ago I discovered Rupi Kaur. And her poetry was something I truly enjoyed. She has two poems that I constantly find myself going back to. But one of my favorite excerpts from her work is “women like you drown oceans”. To me, that phrase represents so many different things. How we can be soft and strong. How we can be welcoming, and yet a ruthless storm. And now, more than ever, do I feel like I turn to that phrase for encouragement. When I feel like I’m not strong enough to get through something, or I start to feel fear about the unknown ahead I go back to her work. To those pages. I go back to that specific poem and I smile. I breathe. And these tiny little waves are a constant reminder of those words. Of what I have, what I've lost, and what I need. 

Dear Lisa

Last week, the internet was buzzing about this girl named Lisa Khoury, who wrote a column about her opinion on women with tattoos. I have links to her original article, and her most recent "apology" in the post below. Her opinion was not very well liked, and she received a huge backlash for her opinion. This is my letter to her. One I doubt she will ever read, but I felt the need to write it anyway. 

Dear Lisa,

I didn’t respond to your first column because in all honesty I thought it was stupid. I understand that it was supposed to be an “opinion piece”. But you didn’t choose your words very wisely, and whether you meant it or not, you came off as close minded, sexist, and yes, stupid for talking about something that you clearly had no clue about.

“An elegant woman does not vandalize the temple she has been blessed with as her body. She appreciates it. She flaunts it. She's not happy with it? She goes to the gym. She dresses it up in lavish, fun, trendy clothes, enjoying trips to the mall with her girlfriends. She accentuates her legs with high heels. She gets her nails done. She enjoys the finer things in life, all with the body she was blessed with.But marking it up with ink? That's just not necessary.

I'm not here to say a girl should walk around flaunting her body like it's her job – that's just degrading. Instead of getting a tattoo, a more productive use of your time would be improving and appreciating the body you have been given, not permanently engraving it.Can you get meaning out of a tattoo? Arguably. If you want to insert ink into your skin as a symbol for something greater than yourself, then maybe you are proving a point to yourself or the rest of the world.

But at the end of the day, are you really a happier person? Has this tattoo, for instance, caused you to learn something new about yourself? Has it challenged you? Has it led you to self-growth? Nothing comes out of getting a tattoo. You get a tattoo, and that's it. You do something productive, though, and you see results. That's a genuine, satisfying change in life. Not ink.

Invest your time, money, and effort into a gym membership, or yoga classes, or new clothes, or experimenting with different hairstyles if you're craving something new with your body, not a tattoo.”

The above paragraphs are not taken out of context. 

I just copied and pasted your own words. 

First, let me just say that I’m a mother of one, married to a great man (who also has tattoos), currently attending college, and I work at a great small business that sells pumps for oil rigs within the U.S. and internationally. I don’t always have the money to “enjoy the finer things”, but hey, that’s okay. My family is taken care of, and I’m proud of that. I don’t feel the need to “flaunt” my body in any way or to anyone who isn’t my husband, because how is that going to make me happier? I’m seriously not that vain. So what if someone thought I was pretty? What does that have to do with my personality? Clearly, from my pictures,  I'm not a big fan of “trendy clothes”- I’m more of a jeans and t-shirt type of girl. This isn't saying that I can't look "presentable" because sure it's nice to dress up. If it were up to me though, I'd choose comfort over anything. Oh well! I don’t seek out anyone’s approval, and I sure as heck don’t care about what someone’s opinion of me is. I am who I am, the way that I am, and people can take it or leave it.  

Also, Lisa, beauty is not what’s on the outside, although there are some mighty fine looking people out there. Still, you can have the prettiest, tattoo-less, accomplished woman, who is the biggest bitch in the world. And just because she spent her money on yoga classes, trendy clothes, and lost weight doesn't mean that she’s above everyone else. None of those things will mean a damn thing to people who surround her (or lack thereof). So what does she end up having? How did any of the things you listed help her out in any way? This is where that saying of “don’t judge a book by its cover” comes into play. If you really believe that appearances are everything, then dear you have a lot to learn.

I currently have two tattoos, but plan to get more. Why? Because I really, truly love them. So to me, yes it is very much necessary. Both of my tattoos mean something to me, and any that I get in the future will do the same. My first tattoo is of a band that I have always LOVED, and their music really brought me out of a rough time in my life. Without their music, who knows where I’d be? And my second tattoo are the words “California Dreamin” which I got in honor of a place that helped me grow up, and also a song that my mother used to play on Sunday mornings by a group that she liked. And do you know what happens when I see my tattoos, still to this day? I smile. They both remind me of happiness and  of wonderful places in my life. So in my particular case, I do get something out of it.

That last part that I quoted from your column is like the icing on the cake though. You may want to invest in all of those things to make you feel better, but that doesn’t mean everyone else does. And quite frankly, you come off as if you’re trying to tell people that all of those things are so much more important. But they aren’t. We, individually, define what's important and special to ourselves so it’s really not up to you. Yes, you can have an opinion about it. Yes, you can find those things to be more meaningful to you. But you should have stated that right off the bat. And you should have made it clear that these were your own personal choices, and that they were not meant to be for everyone else. Instead you came off as if you were belittling women, and sending us back a few centuries.

But, here’s the thing, some people like tattoos and others don’t. I get that. I also understand that, unless you’re 100% sure about what you’re getting, maybe you should hold off on the decision. Unless you're the type that likes to be spontaneous, and really don’t care, then props to you! And Lisa,you may have not intended to hurt anyone’s feelings or “attack” a certain subculture, but you did. I personally could care less what your thoughts on me, as a woman, that has tattoos are. I understand that they aren’t for everyone. But to call women in general (not once did you say anything about men) who have/want/like tattoos “classless”. Well, what did you expect would happen? People would commend you? They’d praise you for your amazing insight, and shower you with lovely comments about how you totally opened their minds? Of course not! You picked a bone, and now you have to deal with the consequences. 

This was bound to cause some kind of a ripple, and if the column you posted is really how you feel, don’t apologize for it. That to me is just cowardly. Own up to it, and take the heat. Not everyone is going to like what you have to say; just like I’m sure you don’t like what everyone else has to say. That's life, dear. But, I do hope that you really did learn a lesson. I hope that this has opened your mind, even just a little bit, to how different people are. I hope that you were exposed to some beautiful, gorgeous, strong, and wonderful women who have tattoos. And next time you decided to write an opinion piece, maybe you should look at both angles, before choosing a topic and throwing things out there?  

Body Modifications (or my lack of)

I love the “classic” beauties out there. You know, the girls that don’t have a single hole or ink on their bodies? I think that’s pretty awesome. However, I absolutely love tattoos and piercings! If I didn’t have to work another day of my life, I’d get a lot of work done. I’m talking half sleeves, an industrial, Monroe, rib cage piece, and my wrist. If this world were perfect, those things wouldn’t matter, but unfortunately, they do. So, after my second tattoo, I stopped. I took out my lip ring (the guy messed up on it anyway). I had started to stretch my earlobes and my husband said to think about the future so I took them out as well. Fast forward to a few days ago and my lip ring was put back in, and I’m in the middle of stretching my lobes again. However, after a week of staring at my weird looking lip piercing, I decided to take it out again. 

My issue with my lip is that it’s too low. My story should serve as another reason why you shouldn’t let someone else tell you where you want your piercing. I went into our usual parlor set on getting a Monroe or my bottom lip pierced. I had never been pierced by their guy before, but since he came recommended I decided to just go for it. So, I sat down and talked to him about what I wanted. He let me know the pros and cons of both, told me exactly how it would be done, and in the end I decided to get my lower lip done. When he marked the first placement, my husband immediately said “No, that’s too far down”-he was right. So then the piercer asked me if I was planning on wearing a hoop or just a stud. My husband replied, “A stud babe, don’t do the hoop.” So, he placed it a bit higher, I looked at it and it still seemed a bit low. He told me and my husband that once it was in, the ball would be bigger, and I wouldn’t want it to be laying exactly on my lip. So, I shrugged and said ok. The end result:

It's too far down! Eh, I rocked it though. Mainly because I spent the money, so I might as well get my money’s worth right? But I was never able to wear a hoop, and even though in some pictures it looked like it was high enough, in person it really wasn't. It looked a little weird, and then I had my little "identity crisis" so I took it out. 

My ears, on the other hand, are pretty much covered 24/7 so not even I see them really. I've decided to keep stretching them, for now anyway. I’m halfway to my stopping point with them, and even though I can't really see them I'm already getting annoyed with them. But it’s just because I have to wear these ugly looking hoops until I get to the size I want. They get caught in my hair and when they pull, it hurts! Also after each stretch, they hurt for a day or two. It's not a pleasant process.

So why am I doing this if I might just take them back out? I have no idea. I guess it’s because I was a bit jealous of my husband. He has a few tattoos and recently went in to get his ears stretched. His employer doesn’t care because it’s pretty much warehouse work, and they don’t see customers either. He could go in with his mouth sewn shut. and as long as he could still work no one would say a thing. And he takes full advantage of this. So for a while now, anytime we’ve set foot in a parlor it's been for him. This, in turn, has made me a bit upset. It’s not fair I tell you! I want more tattoos! I don’t want to have to hide them either. I want to get a few more piercings too! And I want some of them to be facial. Unfortunately, if I did that I wouldn’t have a job and it’d be really hard to find one that would allow me to keep them in, or show them off. For now, I’ll settle with my tiny little gauges. At least until I make up my mind as to whether or not I’m taking them out, again (a certain promotion might sway my decision) or not.