A Tattoo - Waves

For Christmas, Beau paid for a small tattoo that I had been wanting to get done for a while. Yea, a little awkward now but at the time it was a nice gesture. Anyway, I wanted something minimal that would represent several things for me. Something simple yet loud. And well, I got some tiny waves on my wrist. 

The ocean has always had a calming affect on me too. When I lived in California, I always felt this pull towards it. As soon as I would smell that salty air, I could feel all the tension ease away. The stress would melt, and I could sit on the big rocks just watching the waves crash. And as much as I love the ocean, I also have a fear of it. Well, more like respect. I can only go so deep before I start to feel scared. I can only swim for so long before I feel like I need to get out. It’s a powerful force, and I never want to overstay my welcome. But I love it. And I wanted something that would constantly remind me of that balance.

If you’re new here, or you've never read that far back. Honestly, please don’t. It’s embarrassing. Then you may have wondered why this blog is titled “my little ocean”. Why someone who is a bit afraid of the ocean and lives in Texas would name her blog after it? Well, the short answer is that I started this blog as a “mom blog”. A way to share my experiences and express myself when I was in the trenches of new motherhood. So, this blog is named after my daughter. Ocean. Plus, her sign is Aquarius and she loves the water. The violets I have on my shoulder represent her birth month, and the waves now represent her name.

Also a few years ago, I lost a cousin, by marriage, to addiction. He was a great kid. We were never really close. But there was just something magnetic about him. He lit up a room with his smile, and he had this "old soul" vibe about him. There was a time when he found himself living in Texas for a few months, and it was during his time here that I realized what a wonderful person he was. Troubled, and struggling. But genuine and kind. Before he left back to California, he promised me that the next time I went for a visit he would show me how to surf. Unfortunately, life didn’t allow for that. I remember his smile as he walked away from the car that morning, and that was the last time I ever saw him. A few years ago, he passed away due to an overdose and it broke my heart. So, I wanted something that would represent his life. His love for the water. Our shared respect of the ocean.

And finally, I wanted something empowering. About two or three years ago I discovered Rupi Kaur. And her poetry was something I truly enjoyed. She has two poems that I constantly find myself going back to. But one of my favorite excerpts from her work is “women like you drown oceans”. To me, that phrase represents so many different things. How we can be soft and strong. How we can be welcoming, and yet a ruthless storm. And now, more than ever, do I feel like I turn to that phrase for encouragement. When I feel like I’m not strong enough to get through something, or I start to feel fear about the unknown ahead I go back to her work. To those pages. I go back to that specific poem and I smile. I breathe. And these tiny little waves are a constant reminder of those words. Of what I have, what I've lost, and what I need.