Dear Lisa

Last week, the internet was buzzing about this girl named Lisa Khoury, who wrote a column about her opinion on women with tattoos. I have links to her original article, and her most recent "apology" in the post below. Her opinion was not very well liked, and she received a huge backlash for her opinion. This is my letter to her. One I doubt she will ever read, but I felt the need to write it anyway. 

Dear Lisa,

I didn’t respond to your first column because in all honesty I thought it was stupid. I understand that it was supposed to be an “opinion piece”. But you didn’t choose your words very wisely, and whether you meant it or not, you came off as close minded, sexist, and yes, stupid for talking about something that you clearly had no clue about.

“An elegant woman does not vandalize the temple she has been blessed with as her body. She appreciates it. She flaunts it. She's not happy with it? She goes to the gym. She dresses it up in lavish, fun, trendy clothes, enjoying trips to the mall with her girlfriends. She accentuates her legs with high heels. She gets her nails done. She enjoys the finer things in life, all with the body she was blessed with.But marking it up with ink? That's just not necessary.

I'm not here to say a girl should walk around flaunting her body like it's her job – that's just degrading. Instead of getting a tattoo, a more productive use of your time would be improving and appreciating the body you have been given, not permanently engraving it.Can you get meaning out of a tattoo? Arguably. If you want to insert ink into your skin as a symbol for something greater than yourself, then maybe you are proving a point to yourself or the rest of the world.

But at the end of the day, are you really a happier person? Has this tattoo, for instance, caused you to learn something new about yourself? Has it challenged you? Has it led you to self-growth? Nothing comes out of getting a tattoo. You get a tattoo, and that's it. You do something productive, though, and you see results. That's a genuine, satisfying change in life. Not ink.

Invest your time, money, and effort into a gym membership, or yoga classes, or new clothes, or experimenting with different hairstyles if you're craving something new with your body, not a tattoo.”

The above paragraphs are not taken out of context. 

I just copied and pasted your own words. 

First, let me just say that I’m a mother of one, married to a great man (who also has tattoos), currently attending college, and I work at a great small business that sells pumps for oil rigs within the U.S. and internationally. I don’t always have the money to “enjoy the finer things”, but hey, that’s okay. My family is taken care of, and I’m proud of that. I don’t feel the need to “flaunt” my body in any way or to anyone who isn’t my husband, because how is that going to make me happier? I’m seriously not that vain. So what if someone thought I was pretty? What does that have to do with my personality? Clearly, from my pictures,  I'm not a big fan of “trendy clothes”- I’m more of a jeans and t-shirt type of girl. This isn't saying that I can't look "presentable" because sure it's nice to dress up. If it were up to me though, I'd choose comfort over anything. Oh well! I don’t seek out anyone’s approval, and I sure as heck don’t care about what someone’s opinion of me is. I am who I am, the way that I am, and people can take it or leave it.  

Also, Lisa, beauty is not what’s on the outside, although there are some mighty fine looking people out there. Still, you can have the prettiest, tattoo-less, accomplished woman, who is the biggest bitch in the world. And just because she spent her money on yoga classes, trendy clothes, and lost weight doesn't mean that she’s above everyone else. None of those things will mean a damn thing to people who surround her (or lack thereof). So what does she end up having? How did any of the things you listed help her out in any way? This is where that saying of “don’t judge a book by its cover” comes into play. If you really believe that appearances are everything, then dear you have a lot to learn.

I currently have two tattoos, but plan to get more. Why? Because I really, truly love them. So to me, yes it is very much necessary. Both of my tattoos mean something to me, and any that I get in the future will do the same. My first tattoo is of a band that I have always LOVED, and their music really brought me out of a rough time in my life. Without their music, who knows where I’d be? And my second tattoo are the words “California Dreamin” which I got in honor of a place that helped me grow up, and also a song that my mother used to play on Sunday mornings by a group that she liked. And do you know what happens when I see my tattoos, still to this day? I smile. They both remind me of happiness and  of wonderful places in my life. So in my particular case, I do get something out of it.

That last part that I quoted from your column is like the icing on the cake though. You may want to invest in all of those things to make you feel better, but that doesn’t mean everyone else does. And quite frankly, you come off as if you’re trying to tell people that all of those things are so much more important. But they aren’t. We, individually, define what's important and special to ourselves so it’s really not up to you. Yes, you can have an opinion about it. Yes, you can find those things to be more meaningful to you. But you should have stated that right off the bat. And you should have made it clear that these were your own personal choices, and that they were not meant to be for everyone else. Instead you came off as if you were belittling women, and sending us back a few centuries.

But, here’s the thing, some people like tattoos and others don’t. I get that. I also understand that, unless you’re 100% sure about what you’re getting, maybe you should hold off on the decision. Unless you're the type that likes to be spontaneous, and really don’t care, then props to you! And Lisa,you may have not intended to hurt anyone’s feelings or “attack” a certain subculture, but you did. I personally could care less what your thoughts on me, as a woman, that has tattoos are. I understand that they aren’t for everyone. But to call women in general (not once did you say anything about men) who have/want/like tattoos “classless”. Well, what did you expect would happen? People would commend you? They’d praise you for your amazing insight, and shower you with lovely comments about how you totally opened their minds? Of course not! You picked a bone, and now you have to deal with the consequences. 

This was bound to cause some kind of a ripple, and if the column you posted is really how you feel, don’t apologize for it. That to me is just cowardly. Own up to it, and take the heat. Not everyone is going to like what you have to say; just like I’m sure you don’t like what everyone else has to say. That's life, dear. But, I do hope that you really did learn a lesson. I hope that this has opened your mind, even just a little bit, to how different people are. I hope that you were exposed to some beautiful, gorgeous, strong, and wonderful women who have tattoos. And next time you decided to write an opinion piece, maybe you should look at both angles, before choosing a topic and throwing things out there?