Jealous Much?

Last Friday, I dropped off my husband’s cousin at their aunt’s house. He was picking up the rest of his stuff, and packing whatever he had forgotten because he had a bus to catch at 11 am. As I left him there, I couldn’t help but feel a tiny bit of jealousy. Why? Well this bus he was catching, was headed to Oceanside, Ca. 

He had come out here a few months ago to get his shit together, for lack of better words. He found a great job at a local steakhouse and within a month was promoted to kitchen manager. He was doing really good, but I guess he missed home. So on Wednesday he quit his job, and announced to us that he was leaving.

Now, I’m a little butt hurt. Not gunna lie. On our way to his aunt’s house, he talked about how he couldn't wait to see the beach, and smell the saltiness of the ocean. His house is a few blocks from the pier. How he couldn’t wait to see everyone and be back in California. And I’m sitting next to him thinking “YEA, must be nice...”

I know people probably get tired of me talking about California. I’m sure some even wonder where, seeing as how I’m a Texas girl, the hell is my Texan pride? Well, it’s here. I LOVE Texas. It is my home. I was born and raised here. I’ll continue to eat steak with my hands, speak with an accent, and I won’t mind getting my hands dirty. My brother taught me the basics of handling a gun, my dad taught me how to throw a punch, and I’m not scared of a brawl. Come at me. That’s all still IN me. Texas will always be in my heart. I take that where ever I go. But like I stated before, sometimes I feel like California is where we’re meant to really start our lives. Apart from everyone else. To finally be our own family, on our own. Sometimes I feel like we have unfinished business there. I don't know, it's weird, but I keep feeling this pull towards California. People, I daydream about it. I can't shake it either. 

So, a bit of jealousy and sadness kind of hit me on Friday. Jealousy because I wish we could do that. I wish we were in the financial position to just say “You know what, it’s time. Let’s go!” To be able to pack up our bags and head out. But we can’t. I have school, and we need to save up a nice sized nest egg before we go ANYWHERE. And sadness, because reality hit me and I realized how long it will be before we every get to go back out there. Whether it be for a visit or to move, it’s gunna be awhile. I can't believe just last month, we were there? It seems like forever ago. And  that sucks, because I really do miss it. A lot.