Recently,
I’ve been feeling a bit alone when it comes to my views on marriage. I don’t
know how some people come off as having the “perfect marriage”? How some people
go off about how their spouse is “the air they breath”? How the “honeymoon phase
never ended”, or how they “love spending every minute together”? Is that really
how it’s suppose to be? Because if it is....FUCK, are my husband and I in
trouble.
I believe
that marriage is hard. It takes work, commitment, sacrifice, and sometimes you
really have to just bite your tongue and smile. Don’t get me wrong, there are
wonderful moments, and lots of love! A lot of sex too. You can agree on things,
and I’m sure that for the most part you do get along. It’s not like you married
them because you hated them, right? So yes, I totally believe that it can be all
cupcakes and rainbows. I just don't feel like it's like that all of the time.
It’s no big
secret that my husband and I haven’t always been great. Sometimes I feel like we
fell in love so young that we didn’t really think about how our own separate
worlds would be effected once the “honeymoon” phase was over. I've known him since I was fifteen, and we lived together
for two years before getting married. You’d think we would know each other pretty well, right? But,
even now *three years deep*, I discover new things all of the time. Some I like,
some I love, and others I absolutely hate. That doesn’t mean I don’t love him,
though. It just means we’re different. We grow at different speeds, one maybe a
bit slower than the other, and change happens. But this is a natural part of
life. You can either grow together, and embrace each other’s changes, or it can
break you.
Well, we were
almost broken once. It’s something that we both work at on a daily basis,
because we love each other. I don’t feel like either one of us ever wants to go
back to that place. That said, there are some days when I seriously want to
stick a fork in him. LOL! And then there are the days I can’t keep my hands off
him. We have days where he stresses me out, and I find myself wanting to scream.
Then there are other times where he’s the only person I want to be around. I’m
sure it’s the same for him too. I’m no “bowl of sunshine” either. We definitely
don’t always like the same things. Nor do we always get along. And this, to me,
is okay.
I feel like
sometimes it’s good to feel a little disconnected. To be different. It makes you
really put effort into a relationship. Just because you’re husband and wife
doesn’t mean that all of a sudden, you physically become one person. You each
have your own thoughts, feelings, and pace. However, a little disconnect just might
be the push that forces you to make that date night happen. Or it just might be
what you need to get shit off your chest? Then again, I could have it all wrong,
and you might think there’s something seriously wrong with my marriage if this
is how it is. But, it works for us. :)
Who knows,
maybe it would be cool if we were 100% in sync? Maybe it’s weird that we aren’t
“worshiping” the ground the other walks on? Maybe it would be nice to be one "unit"? Always thinking alike, and wanting to do the same things. But so far, that hasn't been our thing. And I guess so long as we're happy, that's all that really matters. Right?
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