Happy Birthday Melissa!!

I have had Melissa in my life since elementary school. We have had some great times, some drunk times, some angry (I hate you bitch) times. But we always ended up back “together”. Better friends than ever. We live in two completely different cities (and at one point states), but we always found time to catch up. Always found time to get together, have dinner or lunch, and just talk. She has been a rock for me during some of my roughest times, and someone that I could vent to when I wanted to strangle my husband. I wouldn’t trade any of our time together for the world. She’s one of my besties, and in so many ways a sister. I wasn’t able to get her card to her along with this letter by today, so I decided I’d post it, instead. Love you Mel, and I hope you have an awesome day!!

Melissa,

So, we are now 23 year olds. How the hell did that happen? Seriously, it seems like just yesterday we were 13, all bent out of shape over “boy” friend drama. –AKA- Which Ballard brother was worthy of our time. Trying to convince our parents to let us go to the Jr. High dance after the game! LOL! And it seems like just last night, we were drunk as hell trying to figure out what line we could pull on our parents (that wouldn’t give away our drunkenness) just so we could spend a few more hours at the 144.

–sigh-

Good times! But today, we are “grownups” (whatever the hell that means). And you are officially 23 (we’re getting old, bitch)!! But take a breath (a step back) and really look at us. Grown up and all. Sure, we didn’t turn out as we had planned (but honestly three husbands would have been A LOT of work), and we aren’t all rich and famous. But you’re still Melissa and I’m still Raquel. We’re still friends, despite all the distance and totally different lives! We STILL keep coming back and catching up; never forgetting each other. And deep down inside we’re still those two girls that had sleep over’s and stayed up talking about how hot JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE is was. And I wouldn’t want to share those memories with anyone else but you!  ((awwwwwww!! Yea, go ahead, you can say it))

Now, I’m married (DON’T DO IT!), with my own little monster that I will eventually have to worry about (ESPECIALLY if she’s anything like us), and barely trying to go back to school! And you are about to graduate, and start on your own career. You’ll probably meet a MAN (boy) that is finally just as crazy as you are, and you’ll get married (yeah, even after I warned you against it, lol!)! You’ll make babies and probably name one Jose or something really Mexican like that (jk!). And you’ll definitely wear the pants in the relationship. Yes, that will probably happen in the near future. But lets not rush it ok? Because like I said before, I am married, so I must live the single life vigorously through you!! So tonight, go get hammered and have wild crazy sex with a stranger! Call me in the morning and don’t leave out any of the details!! LOL! Hope you have a wonderful birthday!! I love you, my BFF. And here’s to many more birthdays to come!!  

Love, 

Raquel

p/s I know twenty three isn’t a number we were hoping to get to this quickly (like 21 was). But don’t get all down in the dumps. It could be a lot worse. You could look like Snooki, and that skag is ORANGE.

Taking Charge; Moving On

I am being set up to fail. Anytime I think of something or come up with an idea it is taken from me or cast aside. Someone else takes the credit, and I’m left there with my jaw on the floor. Do you know how annoying that is? This place is filled with such worldly, materialistic, vain women and I find myself holding my tongue A LOT. Do you know how hard that is for me? Do you?? I was, am a very blunt person. If I think you’re an asshole, I’d let you know. I’m not a fake and it drives me crazy when people are. If you don’t like someone, then don’t like them. But be honest about it. Don’t talk shit behind their backs and then be all besties when they’re around. I’m no angel, and I talk shit sometimes, BUT I am not one to do it behind your back. I’ll tell it to your face if you’re around. If you ever come up amongst friends or in a conversation, I’m not about to pretend that I like you either. This applies to everyone in my life.

So yesterday when a co-worker (a friend) of mine quit because she was tired of being used as a rug, and tired of people bullying her, I was there for full support. But I was ashamed of myself because when the owner told our manager of this news, immediately after he walked out, she called over her “lap dog” and told her of the news and they laughed. Laughed! This is what they wanted all along. For her to leave and they were getting just that. I said nothing. I sat there and watched. I did not partake, but I should have been the ballsy, blunt, bitch of my youth and at least told them to fuck off or shut up. But I was a coward. I am in no position to risk my job right now and that’s what I am worried about losing. My friend has another job already, so she said what was on her mind and that was that. Until I get that same opportunity, I can’t say too much or I’ll get fired. But do hear me when I say this, If any shit talking occurs at HER expense today, you can bet your sweet ass that I will stick up for her. This has gone on long enough.

This morning, my mother let them know her opinion on the matter. And I just agreed with everything she said. I should have put my two cents in but I didn’t. She pretty much covered it all. The big boss lady is now fuming and accusing my mom of judging her. And maybe she was? But, my mom has a tendency, like me, to call it as she sees it (at the workplace anyway). Of course, her two little minions stood up for her and said that she was such a fair boss and that being the manager she couldn’t always be our friend. She has to make decisions that not everyone will like, which is true. But, you have to be EQUAL with all of your employees. And her two favorite kiss asses have not ever been on the other side of the fence. Why? Well, because she likes them. For example: when her “lap dog’s” horse died, she let her take the day off. When a service tech’s wife was going to have surgery because she had a tumor in her stomach and he asked off she said: “Well, we all have our problems.” He had to come to work. Or, whenever I got griped at for texting my husband AFTER HOURS, but she’ll let the lab technician ANSWER her phone whenever she wants. I’ve been here THREE years this next February, and I am being passed up for promotions. The part-timer gets an even bigger office than what she already has, next week. Everyone here is making at least double-digit pay, except me. If I do something wrong or mess up, I get told that I need to learn and fix it on my own. When her little minions screw up, SHE fixes it for them. And the list could go on and on because I have so many things I’ve seen and had done to me, all day!  

This is NOT a good workplace. And I know that my friend had a hard time leaving because it means uncertainty and because she has to start over. But, the only things keeping me here are insurance, an income, and my daughter. I suck it up for my family. Not for too much longer though. After the way they treated my friend, and after being “kicked” around myself, I officially registered for classes yesterday at Weatherford College. This Thursday I have to turn in my financial aid stuff, and I’ve decided to try and get into the “Dental Assistant” program. It takes 6-9 months, and I come out certified! Ready to jump into a career and if I ever decide to take on being a dentist, I get points for completing that program. So I wouldn’t have to retake the course!!

So here’s to change. Here’s to living MY life. Here’s to getting out of this shit hole. And here’s to leaving behind all the bullshit (and assholes) right along with it!!

Now What?

I’m frustrated. My parents (by that I mean my mother) want us to stay here.

You need to go to school here. 

You need to graduate here. 

Y'all need to find a house here. 

Y'all need to live here.

You won’t find anything in California.

With the plans Beau wanted to make, I knew that we couldn’t move anywhere until I got an education. But all these damn continuing ed classes have so many damn requirements (half of which take at least 3 months to complete). And if I went into a medical or pharmaceutical field, I’d have to retake a course if I ever moved out of state. ????  Doesn’t that completely cancel out the purpose of me taking the classes here? All the money spent, just to have to RETAKE it in another state? My GOD.

Beau’s job offer won’t be there forever. And that’s such a huge move with nothing. No money. Ugh, and now my mom is nagging at me because she thinks we need to stay here. You just shouldn’t move anywhere. No one could take care of Emery like family. You don’t have anyone you trust in California to take care of her and daycares are awful. But I can’t live right next door to her forever. At some point, we’ll have to leave (for my sanities sake). At some point, both Beau and I will be working and daycare or a babysitter will be a must. It’s going to happen at some point.

Right now, I’m just not sure what I want to do with my life. I have no idea which direction to go in, and I am completely frustrated about it. I am confused as to what to do. I’m frustrated at work. I have no desire to be there. But right now there is nothing else for me? No other jobs are coming up, and they keep feeding my dad lines on when they’ll be able to hire me at FMC. They told Beau to go apply at Square One last Friday and he did. We still haven’t heard back from them. The roofing company he was with hasn’t heard back from any of the bids so there’s no work for them right now. And I am negative in our account again. Money management really isn’t the problem either; it’s trying to live off of $400 checks (every two weeks). Sometimes, I have to overdraft in order to afford diapers or formula. Don’t judge me.

So now what? What do I do? Where do I go? And how do I get there? I have no idea. I wish I could get some kind of a sign.

p/s  After we went for a run this afternoon,

I opened the freezer to get some chicken, and

I noticed that MY bottle of jager was pretty much empty.

My husband decided he was going to drink my booze without telling me.

What a jerk!! I'm a pissed off about it.