Week Wrap Up (This is Extremely Long)

10/17

Vacation!!! Emery and I drove up to Oklahoma to pick up my husband. We stayed up there till Tuesday because his boss paid for our room. The drive up there was brutal. Emery had a really bad diaper rash, and a runny nose. A three hour drive turned into a 4 in a half hour drive. We got there and had a BBQ with some of the other workers and the ladies from the BAYMONT INN. The guys have been there for 8 months, so they thought they'd do something nice for them as well. I got to see the mountains, and we even did some shopping for Emery! Finally got the crib we wanted for her!! Then we got to go eat at this place called Meers, which was an old run down looking place, but it had the BEST burgers. They make it out of longhorn meat, which is like 10x's better than regular meat. It was delicious! I enjoyed the mini vacation.

10/19

HAPPY BIRTHDAY HUSBAND!!!  Yup, it was my husband's birthday and we spent it driving home. But hey, we got to spend it together at least? He turned 24, and when we got home my mom had a cake and card waiting. We'll probably celebrate it some more this weekend.

10/20

Happy Anniversary!!! Ahh!! Two years. We have made it, two whole years. Granted, they weren't the most wonderful or easy, and we had our fair share of problems, but we MADE IT despite the odds! We decided to work on our relationship, to listen to each other, and we as a couple are better because of it. That is something to be proud of. We didn't throw in the towel like so many other young couples do and that, to me, is an accomplishment. It gives me hope, that if we can work things out as they come that we can make it through anything!

Dear Husband,  I love you. You are my best friend. WE have made it two years! I know that things have not been easy, and we have had our differences. But, I want to thank you, for not giving up on US. For continuing this journey of marriage with me. 

I also want to thank you for all of the good times, and the bad ones (ok, maybe we could have left some of those bad ones out?). They have made us who we are today. We are growing up together, and I feel lucky to have you by my side as we do so. And finally I'd like to thank you for our wonderful daughter Emery (because let's face it, without you she would not be here). You gave me the gift of motherhood, and I feel truly blessed having her in our life. She has brought us closer together, in ways neither one of us thought was possible. 

You are a wonderful husband, and a wonderful father. You are an amazing person, and I love you. So here's to 80 more years of life, love, and laughter. 

Love,
Your Wife 

p/s And thank you for helping me with all of my ridiculous ideas and plans that may not have always been the best or the smartest (and you told me repeatedly so), but you helped me anyways.

10/21

Happy Birthday to ME!! I turned 23 yesterday. I also found out that Emery has a yeast infection (that bad rash I mentioned earlier), lots of congestions, bad allergies, and what looks to be like the starting of an ear infection.

Yesterday I contemplated some life "altering" decisions. Job: I might have another job soon. I need insurance though, and it'll take three months before I can get it through them (if they make me full time). And that's if the job actually gets offered to me. Moving: We are saving a lot of money by being in my parents "guest house" but living right next door is starting to cause some strain. Constantly being told what to do, how to do it. Being teased about my weight, or about how broke I am hasn't been fun.  So, moving seems to be a pretty good option. But, that means bills, rent, and no help with Emery when I need it. Also, Beau has been asked to go work in WASHINGTON (state) if his boss gets the bid. He'd be up there for 8 months. His boss said that they could make some arrangements for me and Emery to stay up there too. So that could be another option. Marriage: My husband, being here only 3 days, is  already bored. His phone is ringing again, he's wanting to drink, and go out. I on the other hand am trying to make up some time at work, clean up the house, do the unfinished laundry, and catch up on some much needed sleep. This in turn is getting me called "boring" and too "knaggy" when I complain about not having enough help. Needless to say, we're butting heads. I see parenting one way, he sees it another. I have my priorities in one order, his are in a completely different order. I'm thinking about US, he's thinking about HIM. I'm tired of coming last in a long list of "priorities". 

And so yesterday, on MY birthday, I put these requests out on the table:

Think about US. Think about this relationship. What do you want from it, and what do you not want from it? This afternoon when I get home, we'll talk about what we've both thought about. We'll discuss whether we still want to be in this relationship or not. And what direction we want to go in. We can't keep doing this circles. I can't keep doing these circles. 

Today

Last night went very well. We both want to make this relationship last. We both want to grow old together, and better our relationship. We talked, and we have both agreed on some changes (ex: I not act like I'm 80 and can no longer go out; he not act like he's 15 and want to go out all the time) and some compromises. He actually made PLANS for MY birthday! He arranged for my mother to babysit, then he took me to Chili's for dinner, I received my present (a beautiful bracelet), and then some of our friends had made me a cake so we went over to their house. It was such a nice evening! He stayed sober, so I could drink, but even with that I didn't drink much. It was still a nice gesture. We were home by 10:30, got Emery, and we went to bed. Lovely. PERFECT, even.

And today, I got to see JULIE!! She's amazing. I miss her so much. Plus, it's FRIDAY!! So, it's going to be a good day! And this afternoon, Beau said we can go and shop for something for OURSELVES. I have my eye on either the Grey's latest season and maybe a second movie (oh! or that nifty make-up bag I've been wanting) or a treadmill (depending on my budget, lol!). Something tells me, I should decide on the movie though. Either way, it'll be nice to spend on myself for a change.

I'm happy. I feel, at peace in a way. Emery is being taken care of and getting better. My husband and I have an understanding and we're communicating. And we are getting our financial crap in order. Our legal crap is being taken care of.

And I'm happy.

Yay me!!

Temper Tantrums, Birthdays, and Work

You know that level of exhaustion where EVERYTHING feels comfortable? You could be sitting on a cement floor and it would feel like the world most comfortable bed? Well, that’s where I’m at. That level really sucks! Emery has started waking up in the middle of the night and she’ll stay up for like 1-2 hours. Banging on my head with her toy. I swear she’s going to be a drummer like her father. These late/early nights combined with the sudden weather change, have also caused her to get what seems to be an ear infection. Let’s throw in that she’s also teething, and you can imagine my pain.

If I were a stay at home mom, this might not bother me as much because I could sneak in naps here and there. But, I’m not. So work has been so annoying, and extra tiresome these past few weeks. I almost walked out Friday because I felt I was going to fall asleep right at my desk! My eyelids were sooo heavy the entire day. Why don’t I nap? Well, let's see. Beau’s been gone and as much as my parents help they still have their own lives and engagements. So, as soon as Emery is asleep I’m rushing trying to get laundry done. Sweeping, mopping, cleaning bottles, putting up laundry, feeding animals, and by the time that’s all done she’s up again. I’ve tried leaving her in the playpen, and also in her walker, but my darling precious little angel has started to throw tantrums. I swear this is not my fault. The babysitter can’t help herself and so she picks Emery up EVERY time she cries.

This kindness/weakness of hers, in turn, is causing problems for me. I love our babysitter. She’s a Godly person, and she speaks to Emery in Spanish. She adores Emery and takes REALLY good care of her. Plus, she’s cheap and she only takes care of ONE other child so the chances of Emery getting sick are a lot less than at a daycare. Still, Emery has started throwing fits. And you may think I’m kidding or exaggerating, but I’m not. She stomps her feet and throws herself backward. Sometimes she even THROWS things. She’ll scream and scream and it’s getting to be just a tad bit ridiculous. I refuse to be one of those mother’s that lets her child throw a fit because they can’t get what they want. I hate seeing that and have always vowed to NEVER let that happen once I had a child. But these recent episodes of hers are making me second guess whether I’ll have a choice in the matter or not. Now comes the next question: How soon can I start giving spankings?  (not even kidding)

This upcoming week is going to make my lack of sleep problem, a whole lot worse. Birthdays and anniversaries. Lots of them. We have a lot of stuff we have to do for the house before winter kicks in, and we have to get the explorer up and running. It’s going to be a very busy end-of-the month for us. Not to mention we have to finish paying off our lawyer and get my husband's license back. That means a lot of paperwork, legal people, insurance companies and a whole list of other crap I’d rather not deal with. Ugh, I’m so dreading it. 

So, wish me luck. I’m going to need it.

How To Turn Bowling Into A Marital Issue

A few weekends ago I “attempted” bowling. By attempt, I mean I put the shoes on and then held the ball. Yea…it was a no go. I started sweating and feeling sick to my stomach. That’s how I get when I’m nervous or completely embarrassed. My husband was annoying me too. He kept saying things like “I can’t believe you made me pay for you if you weren’t even going to bowl.” “Just get up and throw the ball!” and “I’m not showing you, just get up and throw it.” This was irritating me to no end and REALLY not making me want to bowl. The nerve of the man!! To say those things so loudly that EVERYONE could hear! As if I wasn’t embarrassed enough already!

You see, when it comes to looking like a complete idiot, I am so not in. I am one of those people that get annoyed when others pretend like they know what they’re doing but in reality have no clue! So I do research and I have to have someone PHYSICALLY show me the movements or techniques before even attempting something on my own. I practice until I’m sure I’ve gotten it down well enough, and THEN I’ll “go public”. This applies to EVERYTHING in life. When I play games, learn a new skill, exercising, or even playing sports. The only way I learned how to play dominoes was because Beau’s aunt and uncle broke down the game for me piece by piece. Call me a perfectionist all you want, I don’t care. It’s just how I am. So, I was sitting there turning red because my husband is saying these things, talking about how it’s just so easy that anyone can do it, and then there was this old man sitting right behind us starring at me! I’m so not even kidding. Every time I got up he’d follow. It was weird. But anyway, my husband not once offered to teach me how to stand or hold the ball. Not once did he try to show me how to throw it or teach me what things meant. The best he got out was “Just throw the ball…” How considerate, huh? There he and his mother are talking about strikes, spares, 10’s, and 12’s. Then they were talking about hitting a single pin, ways to spin the ball, and how they like different feet positions. I HAD NO IDEA WHAT THEY WERE TALKING ABOUT!! And not once did anyone try teaching me or explaining it to me! So I was very butthurt. I’m welling up with tears right now just thinking about it.

Ugh, I hate being such a baby. But he was making it sound like I was so stupid for not knowing how to bowl. I was incompetent. He was making me seem like I was so ridiculous for not wanting to look stupid. And he’d roll his eyes at me every time I said I didn’t want to get up and “throw the ball”. Next time I should just chunk it huh? And when he has to pay for the damages I’ll just look at him and say “You told me to throw it…” My mother knows how to bowl but she never took us. Hence the not knowing how to bowl. My brother recently learned, and a lot of my family goes out to the bowling alley and they all say it’s a lot of fun. I’d like to learn and see for myself, but how am I supposed to do that with a very inconsiderate and impatient husband? What’s worse is that he has no clue how hurtful he was being. He never does. He’s a guy.  

I know, I know. It’s just bowling. But seriously, it still hurt my feelings that he was like that towards me. It hurt my feelings that he wouldn’t even TRY showing me. And it pisses me off that HE was complaining about ME when I wasn’t even doing anything wrong. I was just being shy which is how I ALWAYS am, and he knows it!! He knows I have to have someone show me things and yet he still pulled that crap?!?

Uggh! Men.