A New Language // Mandarin Update

Learning a new language is hard. Learning a new language that uses tones and characters is WAY harder. Last year, I decided that I wanted to learn how to speak Mandarin. I started watching Chinese dramas, and after some digging found that a lot of the translations are not exactly correct. So, I made up my mind that I would give it a go. While I knew it would be difficult, and challenging, it’s still a lot harder than what I originally expected.

Once I made up my mind that I wanted to try learning Mandarin I started to read a bit more about the people and culture. And while I’m not educated enough on either to speak on them, I did find several things to be fascinating. Their family units, customs, and traditions. And not just those of the Chinese people, but several other Asian countries as well. When my mom asked me why I picked Mandarin, I told her it started over some silly dramas, but I’ve learned it’s the second most spoken language. It’s also a very popular language within the business world. Did you know that there are “slightly more than 1.1 billion Mandarin Chinese speakers” worldwide as of 2023? So, my interest in Mandarin has increased substantially.

So far, I’ve just been using Duolingo. Most days I do about 3 minutes, and some days I’ll do 3 to 4 lessons. Yes, I’m aware I should practice more. However, I keep repeating a lot of the lessons. Repetition is key for me or I won’t retain anything. This is why I’m still in Section 1, though I have moved on to Unit 3, Lesson 5. Still, I keep going back and reviewing previous units. I plan to start treating these lessons like I did my college courses by dedicating about 30 - 45 minutes twice a week. My goal is to be done with Section 1 by the end of February. This means I need to start knocking some of these out in the next few weeks. Eeks!

Now, Duolingo is a decent app. When I watch these Chinese dramas I can recognize some of the words I've learned. I’m pretty proud of that! But in my opinion, Duolingo shouldn’t be your only source of learning. I feel it’s more of a helpful tool that you can pair with other sources like an actual class or tutor. In my situation, I feel like I need to practice having conversations and getting feedback or help with pronunciation. I want to feel confident when speaking, and right now, Duolingo can’t provide that. This is why I’m looking into taking a class or paying for an online tutor this summer. Finances allowing. I do have a friend who speaks Mandarin who has offered to help me but she’s a professor and has a lot on her plate during the semesters. And since I’m a big fan of work/life balance, I don’t want to bother her with more work.

 

For now, I plan to keep chipping away at the app. It’s not super difficult to make the time for it, and I get reminders every day. Thankful for those “streak freezes” that allow me to skip from time to time. Now, even though this has been difficult, it’s also been pretty fun. It’s such an interesting feeling to be watching a show or video clip, and hearing, “shénme” (什么) or “nǐ jiào shénme míngzì” (你叫什么名字) or “shuǐ” (水) and being able to understand what is being said or at least recognize words from the lessons. That said, my next goal is to start piecing sentences together on my own by the beginning of summer. Wish me luck! Until the next post, zàijiàn. ✌

A New Language // Mandarin 你好

When I watch movies and shows or even read books that take place in other countries, I’m always left with this feeling of wanderlust. I want to go visit these places, eat the food, and experience the culture there. I want to meet people who call these countries their home and learn more about their history and traditions too. Sadly, I don’t even have a passport. Still, a girl can dream, right? Anyway, with this wanderlust comes a desire to understand a little bit about the language in each of these countries. And my recent obsession has landed with Asian countries.

During the week that I was taken out by a sinus infection, I fell down the Asian Entertainment rabbit hole. I have since watched a ton of Chinese, Japanese, Korean, and Thai shows. I watched "F4: Thailand," "Meteor Garden," "Nevertheless," "Love Between Fairy and Devil," and "Business Proposal" - just to name a handful. I recently finished “The Smile Has Left Your Eyes,” and I’m currently on “Lighter and Princess.” However, this entire time, I’ve kept questioning the accuracy of the translations that I see with subtitles. Knowing firsthand that they could be wrong, from watching Spanish shows/films, I told myself that I wanted to learn Mandarin. I sat in bed one night as I started yet another show and I told Corey, “I want to be able to watch these without needing the subtitles.” He gave me a look and said, “Whatever you want babe.”

He and Emery both think I’m crazy, and maybe I am, but I wanted to give it a shot. Little did I know that I was picking one of the hardest languages on earth. I tried Coursera, but I wasn’t able to hear the pronunciations clearly in the recordings so it was super frustrating for me. And well, it’s been difficult finding a class - the closest one is about 2 hours away. There’s not a very large Asian community in our town either, so finding someone local that I could practice with has proven to be very difficult. In the end, I decided to give Duolingo a shot. I had previously used it for Spanish, as I was trying to build on what I already knew at the time. So, I decided to go ahead with starting the Mandarin Chinese lessons through the app.

It’s been a bit of a slow start for me, but I’ve learned some phrases and numbers. I’ve just been repeating UNIT 1 LESSONS 1 & 2, until things stick in my brain. But y’all, this language is a whole other ballgame. They use tones, and their language is technically just sounds. They do not use an alphabet but rather characters that represent meaning. Then Pinyin is used to translate those characters for people who are learning to speak it. But the little I have learned, I’ve been able to pick out if I hear it in a C-drama. I’m hoping to dedicate some more time to it and put things down on paper once Emery switches over to off-season. If that goes well, I’ll consider the in-person class 2 hours away.

For now, I’ll keep trucking along with my app. Maybe next year I’ll invest in Rosetta Stone or something similar. And while it’s been difficult/challenging, it’s also been really fun! We’ve started branching out on some of our food choices - hoping to incorporate and modify Asian dishes to fit my current dietary restrictions. I’ve followed a few Mandarin-teaching Instagram accounts to help with pronunciation. And taking this on has allowed me to keep learning without the huge price tag or stressors that come with college courses.

When a friend asked me why I wanted to learn Mandarin my answer was, “So I can understand my shows without needing subtitles. Or at least not needing to rely on them so much.” She said, “Maybe you’re just not done learning. Once you get Mandarin down, you’ll want to learn others.” And she’s not wrong. I’d love to learn a little bit of a handful of others - French, Finnish, Korean, and Portuguese. For now, I plan to stick with Mandarin for at least a year - see where it takes me. Worst case, I learned a few things. Best case, I can actually communicate with someone who speaks it fluently. Either way, it's a win! Until the next post, zàijiàn. ✌

Totally Not A Meaningful Post

Hi.

It seems like forever since I've written anything “meaningful” on this blog. What can I say, life kind of gets in the way? Right now, I’m currently trying to keep up with a decent work, school & fitness schedule. School has kicked my ass, work has been busy, and my work outs aren't as frequent as I’d like them to be. There’s always something going on or that needs to be done and I feel like I haven’t really had a moment to just stop and reflect. I kind of feel like my life is in fast forward and there isn't even a pause button for when I need a breather.

Ever since my parents moved closer to town, we've gotten a bit more adjusted but it’s also been tough. I don’t get as much help as I used to which is okay because we should be able to handle everything on our own. But it was always nice to have a helping hand. This next month will be our first one where we have to pay the bills entirely ourselves which is kind of scary. I’m a little nervous about making ends meet, but now that my husband has a job I’m hoping it lightens the load a bit. If not, then we’ll have to make some adjustments and cut back on a few things. Gotta do what you gotta do, right?

On the bright side, I’m learning how to cook! Well, sort of. Sure I still use boxed Velveeta skillets, and sometimes I cheat by using the precooked chicken tender strips, BUT I’m actually making full MEALS. You try looking after a toddler, folding laundry, doing the dishes, working on homework, AND making dinner within an hour. Not that easy my friends. So far I've made homemade cantina bowls, tacos, chicken alfredo, turkey burgers, various salads, pancakes, omelets, and wraps. Plenty of other stuff too, it would just take too long to list them all on here. It’s actually been pretty fun to learn though. I'm pretty happy to know that my family won't starve either, LOL! That's always a plus!

So that's about all I have for you. I know that this post isn't all that “meaningful” but I thought I’d at least update with something new. I have three weeks before finals so it’s time for me to put on my big girl panties and bunker down for some serious study sessions. After that I promise I’ll be back on the regular. Plus I've decided to take a lighter load next semester so I’ll at least have time to do other stuff (aka blog). Until then, bare with me & I hope this find all of you well!

How To Turn Bowling Into A Marital Issue

A few weekends ago I “attempted” bowling. By attempt, I mean I put the shoes on and then held the ball. Yea…it was a no go. I started sweating and feeling sick to my stomach. That’s how I get when I’m nervous or completely embarrassed. My husband was annoying me too. He kept saying things like “I can’t believe you made me pay for you if you weren’t even going to bowl.” “Just get up and throw the ball!” and “I’m not showing you, just get up and throw it.” This was irritating me to no end and REALLY not making me want to bowl. The nerve of the man!! To say those things so loudly that EVERYONE could hear! As if I wasn’t embarrassed enough already!

You see, when it comes to looking like a complete idiot, I am so not in. I am one of those people that get annoyed when others pretend like they know what they’re doing but in reality have no clue! So I do research and I have to have someone PHYSICALLY show me the movements or techniques before even attempting something on my own. I practice until I’m sure I’ve gotten it down well enough, and THEN I’ll “go public”. This applies to EVERYTHING in life. When I play games, learn a new skill, exercising, or even playing sports. The only way I learned how to play dominoes was because Beau’s aunt and uncle broke down the game for me piece by piece. Call me a perfectionist all you want, I don’t care. It’s just how I am. So, I was sitting there turning red because my husband is saying these things, talking about how it’s just so easy that anyone can do it, and then there was this old man sitting right behind us starring at me! I’m so not even kidding. Every time I got up he’d follow. It was weird. But anyway, my husband not once offered to teach me how to stand or hold the ball. Not once did he try to show me how to throw it or teach me what things meant. The best he got out was “Just throw the ball…” How considerate, huh? There he and his mother are talking about strikes, spares, 10’s, and 12’s. Then they were talking about hitting a single pin, ways to spin the ball, and how they like different feet positions. I HAD NO IDEA WHAT THEY WERE TALKING ABOUT!! And not once did anyone try teaching me or explaining it to me! So I was very butthurt. I’m welling up with tears right now just thinking about it.

Ugh, I hate being such a baby. But he was making it sound like I was so stupid for not knowing how to bowl. I was incompetent. He was making me seem like I was so ridiculous for not wanting to look stupid. And he’d roll his eyes at me every time I said I didn’t want to get up and “throw the ball”. Next time I should just chunk it huh? And when he has to pay for the damages I’ll just look at him and say “You told me to throw it…” My mother knows how to bowl but she never took us. Hence the not knowing how to bowl. My brother recently learned, and a lot of my family goes out to the bowling alley and they all say it’s a lot of fun. I’d like to learn and see for myself, but how am I supposed to do that with a very inconsiderate and impatient husband? What’s worse is that he has no clue how hurtful he was being. He never does. He’s a guy.  

I know, I know. It’s just bowling. But seriously, it still hurt my feelings that he was like that towards me. It hurt my feelings that he wouldn’t even TRY showing me. And it pisses me off that HE was complaining about ME when I wasn’t even doing anything wrong. I was just being shy which is how I ALWAYS am, and he knows it!! He knows I have to have someone show me things and yet he still pulled that crap?!?

Uggh! Men.

Let It Go, For Changes Always Come...‏

Part One

Ok, so lately I've been trying to figure myself out. Waaaay easier said, than done. I am a 22-year-old mother and wife that is trying so hard to find out who she is. It's leaving me more confused than secure in who I am...

At seventeen, I used to go to rock (hardcore, "emo", screamo, love metal) concerts. Music was EVERYTHING to me and the lyrics MEANT something to me. I wore band T-Shirts, pants, and my chucks EVERY day. My hair changed colors, and black eyeliner was the only make-up I needed.

I moved to California and everyone wore HEELS!! So, I started wearing heels. Of course, there's the flip-flop staple, so I wore those a lot too. A bathing suit was a must! We were constantly at the beach, the lake, the river, or the pool. My boyfriend (now husband), and I loved going out to the local "club", and so getting all dressed up was a must. OUT went the band T-Shirts. In came all the make-up, and cleavage-baring shirts. 

I moved back to Texas and gained A LOT of weight. I started working at Vet Outlet and so I started wearing just plain shirts. We'd go out on weekends and I'd dress up, but not as much as I used to.  Then we got married, and I kind of put my weight on the back burner. I SHOULD NOT HAVE DONE THAT!!!! I got pregnant, and I LET MYSELF GO. I didn't even wear make-up!! Which was something you didn't see me without. I started wearing bigger pants, bigger shirts. I never messed with my hair, it stayed in a bun. How sexy could I possibly look, with a big baby bump?? It doesn't exactly scream "Take my clothes off!!" I felt fat and my belly was uncomfortable. The last thing I wanted to TRY and slide into was a pair of skinny jeans.

I had Emery, and I was back into sweatpants. I went back to work, and my jeans and capris came back, along with plain shirts and a little bit of make-up. It has now been six months since February 17th, and I have found myself in comfy shirts, capris, flats, minimal make-up, and what my husband calls "mommy shorts". I have huge, deep stretch marks so bathing suits are COMPLETELY out of the question. None of this is screaming “Undress me, with your teeth!” either.

I miss my younger years. I miss the black eyeliner, and my chucks. I miss the random concerts, and I miss my TIGHT skinny jeans!!! I miss being a size 8, with my perky, round, B cup boobs!! I miss my flat, unmarked stomach. I miss looking young. I miss manicures and black nail polish. I miss listening to music really loud, with the windows rolled down in my old truck. I miss being sure that my husband loved me. I miss having friends that actually cared. I miss having late nights and no worries. I miss not having to think about the future. I miss being seventeen.

When did I lose myself? I work at a place that I don’t like, with people I have NOTHING in common with. I look more and more like my mother every day (size and style). I hardly ever listen to new music. My band shirts are in a big plastic tote, because they're all too small for me, and I'm too broke to buy new ones. I had my lip pierced, but recently took it out because I was having an identity crisis. My tattoos are pretty much the only things that give any indication of me being "young" once.

Today, I received an email titled, Letting Go. It left me feeling sad and even more confused with what I want out of my life. Growing up is such a hard thing to do, but do you have to leave EVERYTHING behind? I know I am a mother now, but does that mean I need to go out and buy everything that makes me LOOK like a "mommy"? Do, I need to keep my hair just one color, and my band shirts stuffed in a box?  And what exactly is ok to keep and let go of in my life? Growing up, is such a pain. Letting go of things to make room for change is just as painful, if not much worse.