Work Matters // Thoughts After a Year

Well, it’s been just over a year since I made a career field switch. And if you were around back then, you know it was anything but smooth sailing. A brief little recap: In November 2022 I was hired as an “Office Manager” for a university non-profit, but after a month it became very apparent that the job I was pitched was done under some pretenses. It was so bad that I even reached out to my previous employer asking to let me know if they ever had a new position open up. After an employee dismissal, weeks of feeling like a failure, evenings of crying in my car, and then repeatedly requesting more help, I was finally heard. What this non-profit had needed all along was someone who understood non-profit accounting. And that was NOT me. Anyway, to read more about all of that you can go here, here, and here.

In April of this year, I applied, interviewed, and was eventually offered the position of Executive Assistant to a Vice President of our University. I made the jump because I felt my salary at the non-profit was wasting their limited resources. They didn’t need an office manager at all. And with the new person we had hired, everything was running so much more smoothly. Two to three days out of the week I had nothing to do, and that didn’t sit right with me. So, when this new position became available I decided to go for it. It would be in the same building, working with the same teams, and being able to utilize my skills/experience. And as the saying goes “When God closes one door, he opens another.” And that’s exactly how I saw this new opportunity.

Now, a year after being away from Buckhorn, there’s a lot that I’ve been reflecting on lately. There has definitely been a lot of good, but also some bad. There are a lot of things that I miss about working at a smaller company. There are a lot of things, looking back, that I took for granted. On the flip side, there are a lot of things that I enjoy about working at the University. There are a lot of things that I wouldn’t have been able to accomplish, learn, or experience if I hadn’t seized this opportunity. For example, I've been able to take on management/supervisor responsibilities and the university pays for LinkedIn Learning so we can gain certifications of our choosing. Obviously, no job is perfect, and the sooner I realized that the easier it was for me to change how I viewed a job and employment in general. So, here are a few of the things that I miss and some things that I don’t. Plus some things about the new job that I enjoy, and others that I don’t.

Things I Miss: 1) Being paid for overtime. Here at the university, the majority of the employees are on salary. So, if you spend extra time in the office, you’re not getting paid for it. 2) The job I did before. It was very routine, I understood the processes in place, and I enjoyed it. 3) Some of the people I worked with. 4) A bonus at the end of the year. 5) Being able to treat everyone EQUALLY. 6) A small office atmosphere without major formalities. 7) Getting to wear jeans whenever I want. 8) The down to earth customers.

Things I Don’t Miss: 1) A toxic work environment. 2) Not having boundaries - everyone wanted to know everything and it was constantly being used against the person. 3) Gossip and bad-mouthing. 4) Confidential information being disclosed - all of the time. I was constantly informed of how little my income was compared to everyone else’s or how much our boss was spending on other people. 5) Hitting a glass ceiling after 12 years of loyalty. 6) Lack of growth/salary increase opportunities. 7) Having to use up all of my PTO when those who were on salary didn't. 8) Some of the people I worked with. After I left, I was so excited about having a small pay bump (literally $4k extra a year) and I told one of my former co-workes about being grateful for it. Their response was, "That's nice. A few weeks after you left we all got significant raises. I'm making $10k more than I was before."  Talk about throwing salt in the wound.

Things I Like About My New Job: 1) Being able to set and enforce boundaries. 2) Growth and training opportunities for my role. 3) A supportive group of co-workers. This has been MAJOR. I’m lucky to work with some pretty amazing people who WANT to see each other succeed. 4) Having an HR department. 5) Privacy and confidentiality are taken very seriously. 6) Great benefits - though they can come with a hefty price tag. 7) Work-life balance is a big priority. 8) The ability to work remotely if necessary. 9) Wellness release time three days out of the week to prioritize mental health and exercise.

Things I Don’t Like About My New Job: 1) Getting paid once a month - this has been brutal. 2) Mandatory TRS contributions - this is a State Retirement account, but you can’t adjust your contributions. So, currently, every paycheck I get $330 automatically taken out. 3) Meetings, meetings, meetings. So many freakin’ meetings. And sometimes, meetings about meetings. 4) Way too many processes, software, and procedures and not enough training on them. 5) Having to pay for parking - which is why I don’t park on campus anymore. 6) Salary increases don’t happen very often, and there are too many third parties that get to decide how much when they do. 7) No bonuses. 8) Having to deal with a lot of “entitlement” and “superior” personalities. 9) AggieBuy…IYKYK

So, what have I learned from all of this? Well, eventually, I'd love to go back to working for a smaller company. If I could find something with great benefits and decent pay, that would be awesome. Otherwise, I'll have to wait until Emery is off to college before I can make a move. Until then, I'm just learning, growing, and gaining experience. Other than that, my takeaway is that no matter what there will always have to be compromises. You have to have your “non-negotiables,” revisit them often as life can change, and then look for roles that offer them. Or make sure your current role reflects what you want. However, let me reiterate, that no job is perfect. So, for us regular people, the high expectation of having “the dream job” might need to be taken down a peg or two. And while you may want to give 120% to your employer, know that it only leads to burnout. Once you’ve hit that wall, your performance starts to suffer, and then you’re easily replaceable - heck at any point, you’re easily replaceable. And it doesn’t matter if you’re told otherwise, the way I was. So, take care of your mental health, look out for yourself, treat others with respect, and prioritize your family - whatever that may look like. And don’t make your job your life.

The Guilt in Needing A Second Job

Recently, out of nowhere, we were told that the majority of us would not be able to put in over 40 hours at work anymore. This struck me as strange because we're constantly being told that our company is beating last years numbers. Once this limitation was put into place my paychecks decreased by about $90-$100 a week. Add into account that we now have a retirement plan that takes out another 3% of each check per week. Not mad at it, I actually needed to get this set up. Of course, 3% isn't considered a lot, but when you're counting every penny even $20 can hurt. And y'all, I'm counting every penny. So, after going over my monthly expenses - making cuts where needed- I came to the realization that my current job alone wasn't going to be enough. Just this past weekend I had already used up the last bit of savings I had managed to build up over the summer. And still, my bank account was running on empty. With another chunk of bills still needing to be paid before the month is through and a school fundraiser that I still have to donate to this week, I feel like the world is caving in on me. As I looked over my budget on Saturday night I also watched Emery twirl around in the living room and the only thing that I could think of was that I  was going to need a second job. And I needed to get one soon. Otherwise, I didn't know how I was going to make it through the rest of the year.   

As I sit here typing this up I've already created a SitterCity profile, submitted some proposals over on Upwork, and browsed through both the "remote" and "part-time" job posting over on Indeed. Emery's now trying on outfits, and bouncing around the living room. She's laughing and thanking me for getting her the new pair of shoes that she's been wanting because "they sparkle and just go with everything". And I want to cry. I honestly have no idea how so many single mothers do this? I knew it had to be hard. I knew that sacrifices had to be made. However, it wasn't until I became a single mother myself that I realized just how much of a toll this takes on you both mentally and physically. I didn't realize just how much it can complicate home life and time spent with your child either. And the guilt? The guilt of not being able to afford everything that you need can be really crushing. Emotionally defeating. Things that most parents don't think twice about cause me a lot of worry and anxiety because I have no idea if I'll even have the money to pay for it. And even with the little side jobs that I pick up with my dad, here and there, it never seems to be enough to help me get ahead.

Now, working two jobs is not something that I'm afraid of. I've done it before. What really upsets me, is the fact that now, getting a second job means losing the already short amount of time I get with Emery. Our week is usually jam-packed with things that she and I both have to do. After school practices, schoolwork, house chores, church functions, and gym time. Some nights we're barely making it through the front door by 8 pm, and that leaves us with less than thirty minutes of "us" time. Which is why the weekends are something that I've held pretty sacred. I try to limit plans and set aside some money so that she and I can go do things together. Whether it's to head out on a hike, go see a movie, visit a park, have a "PJ" day, a dinner date, or an old fashion "girls" day, the weekends have always been our time. If for some reason something came up or family was around during those days, we still did things together. That's always been important to me. So, getting a second job means that all of that gets taken away from us and I'm going to miss out on so much.

The guilt set in as soon as I even thought about getting another job. It got worse when I hit publish on my SitterCity availability. And I cried after Emery came in for a hug while proclaiming that I was just "the best mom ever" for taking her to the Dollar Store earlier that day so she could get a few cheap decorations for Halloween. Unfortunately, unless the restrictions at work get lifted, I miraculously get a raise, or maybe some equality gets put into the workplace, there's really nothing else that I can do. So, I'm going to suck it up. I've allowed myself the time to wallow and feel sorry for myself. But now, I'm going to do what I need to do in order to make ends meet. And I just pray that one day Emery understands that I did it all for her.

News

I got ahead of myself.

Everything went well.

Everything was checked out, the employment test was passed.

 Then a new policy (that started this year), requires that everyone have a drivers license. 

 As you all know, my husband does not.

They can not give him the job.

Oh, For Crying Out Loud!

Good, LORD.

You know…the minute I feel like I have a sense of direction in my life. Something comes straight out of NOWHERE and really messes with me. I hate it.

As you read in my last post, I am all “Ready, Set, Go!” on college (or a certification program) depending on which would be cheaper and quicker. I emailed an advisor director and he asked me to either go up to the school or email the admissions office and talk to an admissions advisor about my particular situation. That is my next step.

So last night, after we (Emery, my mother, and I) get home from the Aglow meeting, I find my husband beaming. He’s on the phone with a friend of ours back in California, and I can tell he’s been making plans. He also looks like he hit MY bottle of Jager. Sure enough, after he gets off the phone with our friend he starts spitting up word vomit. I had to make him pause, breathe, and speak slower. And this is what I got:

“Scott said that he has work and it’s starting to pick up and get steady again! He said that in a few months he could probably hire me back if I want the job. And Price said that he’ll talk to him and maybe see if he can get me back on sooner! Then Price and I will find ourselves an apartment and after a month we’ll send for you and EMERY! Having a roommate is going to help us out so much with bills. Isn’t that great? Getting to be back in California? It’s gunna be great!!”

Pause…

Longer pause….

Oh man. What the crap?!? YOU CAN NOT DO THAT!! We are a FAMILY. That means you talk to ME before making life-changing decisions, damn it!! You do NOT make plans without consulting with me first. Ugh! Why do men not get that? Why must they jump head first without looking, ALL of the time? I mean, really?! Needless to say, I rained on his parade. When he saw the look on my face he asked:

“What? What’s wrong? Why aren’t you excited?”

Oh…my…GOD! Excited? Why the HELL would I be excited?!? Oooh, That totally sent me off the edge, inside. I was completely calm on the outside though. I smiled and politely said:

“Babe, we’ll discuss this later, ok?”

Later came, and by that point, I had all the reasons as to why this wasn’t the best idea right now all organized in my head. My husband was completely in “pouty- baby” mode. He tried coming up with answers to every point that I was making. But in the end, he realized that maybe I really did have a point. I wasn’t just trying to flat out say no.

• We agreed that I’d go back to school so that I could get a better job with more money. Something that I can fall back on, so WE can have a better life. I need to be able to do that before we do anything or go anywhere.

• We have no working car at the moment, and it’ll be a while before we get the one we do have fixed and running (IF they can even fix it). We need a vehicle if we’re going to go anywhere.

• You still have no license, and you have to prove residency in a DIFFERENT STATE before they will cancel yours in California so you can get one in Texas. If you do not cancel it, you will have to do 3 months worth of classes in California, $100 apiece, before you can get a license there again.

• We still have a lot of money that we owe for tickets, lawyers, and bills here in Texas that we need to take care of before up and leaving.

• We have to have money to move. Our furniture, clothes, and pets will not go by themselves. U-hauls cost money. Gas costs money.

• We’ve done the roommate thing several times. And yes, it helps to NOT have to pay bills on your own, but we have a child now. There cannot be any partying, or drugs at our home. We have to be responsible. And as much as I love our friend, he likes to party. And with it being his house as well, he’ll probably find it very unfair that he can’t continue to hold parties at a place that he is helping pay for.

• Daycare is EXPENSIVE over there. WE have to plan on that because we don’t have anyone (that we know and trust) that will take care of her for $60 a week.

• We need to look at the economy. We need to look at the jobs. We can’t just go because we want to we have to have a plan. We have to have money and a stable place to live.

I miss Cali just as much as he does. I miss the ocean, and I miss the friends I made there. I miss the palm trees, and I miss being on our own. Kim says I miss the “idea” of California but that’s not really it. I miss that place because we had family there, and we had friends. We know our way around. But in all honesty, any place close to the Ocean would do.

This is a huge decision. We can’t go into this like before, with no money and just living paycheck to paycheck. When it was just Beau and me, well, we could live with Ramen Noodles, and the water or electricity getting turned off for a few days (not that it ever happened). But now, we have to PLAN and we have to save money. We have to think of this RESPONSIBLY, because it’s not just us two anymore. It’s us three. And I will not make a move, that far away, with no place to live and no job (for the both of us). It’s completely out of the question.

So now I need to figure out if this move is serious? If it is, do I need to go to school there? Do we wait and let me start and finish here? Do we even move? With the economy the way it is, would it be a smart move? How would our lives change if we did? Would it be healthy for Emery? Would it be better for all of us?

And a NEW plan begins….?