Happy Birthday Miss Kamille

Happy Birthday to my bestie!! **Happy Dance** My lovely Miss Kamille turns 24 today, but doesn’t look a day over 18. As exciting as that is I’m so sad that I’m not there to celebrate with her. Still, today is her day and I hope it’s a wonderful one! This is for you:

Dear Kami,

The reason for this letter is so I could say that I LOVE YOU. When Sarah told me that we were going to hang out with some friends that sat in her booth at Pizza Hut all those years ago, never did I imagine the impact you would have on my life. It was pretty life changing and I am so glad that it happened. You became one of the most important people in my life. And I can’t say that about many people these days. From that moment on you became my best friend. I can't imagine not having you in my life. 

Kami, you taught me that it’s okay to need Starbucks, twice three times a day. You taught me that sometimes make-up was just not necessary. BUT always make sure eyebrows were done. You taught me that it was perfectly okay to watch cartoons all day. That sometimes, doing nothing was the best thing you could ever do. And that it was okay to stay in my PJ’s all day. You even taught me that it was okay to cry for no particular reason. Sometimes you just need to get shit out, and crying is the only way to do it. You also made the most boring everyday trips pretty damn entertaining. Admit it, we had some pretty magical trips to Taco Bell! LOL! Except that one time you tried to drop me off at Wal-Mart. Yea, hooker, I still remember that. But it’s okay, I forgive you. I was the dumbass that started getting out of the car anyway. Ha! You also taught me that I am worth more. That I deserve the best. You taught me that no matter what life throws at me, I can come out of it with my head up. So thank you, for all of those wonderful things.

Now, on to the things I admire about you. One is your lack of “brain to mouth” filter. We are really alike in that department. Always speaking our minds. I instantly knew that I could talk to you about anything! I never worried about offending you because more than likely you were thinking the same thing. I also admired your inability to put up with bullshit. You never hesitated in cutting negative people from your life and that’s something I’m glad you taught me how to do. But most importantly, I admire your strength. You haven’t had the easiest life. But you never complain. You always find some way to make things better. To be positive of what you go through. I know sometimes you wanted to breakdown and scream. I remember a few phone calls made at 3 am. But no matter what, you’ve always managed to pull yourself together, and do what you have to for your family. You are one hell of a woman.

This is probably the longest we’ve gone without living within driving distance since we met. And there isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t miss you. Truly. You’re opinions, and your words are always missed. I know we've talked about how hard it is for us to make friends because of how we are, but if I’m going to be honest I haven’t met anyone that lives up to you. I’m constantly comparing other people to you. Just ask Beau. You left behind some pretty big shoes for people to fill, and no one has even come close to filling them. I can only hope that I've at least been half the friend to you, that you’ve been to me. And today, I’m really sorry that my ass is stuck here in Texas instead of there in California. You are my best friend, and I’m sorry that I couldn't be there for you on your day. Still, I hope it was wonderful. I hope you were able to do something for you. No one deserves it more than you!  Happy Birthday! 

Lots of Love,
Raquel

p.s. If things don’t work out for us with our significant others,

let’s just become lesbians and get married?? ;-)

Thank You, Skype

As you all know, I miss California. I talk about it a lot, and one day I hope we get to move back. But for now, we are here. I’m not sure what the future hold for us, but no matter what California will always be a place we choose to visit because of all the family and friends there. It will always be a part of our lives and that itself makes me pretty happy.

But the one person that I left behind, and miss every day, is my best friend Kami. We’ve known each other for eight years, and we’ve both been through a lot together. We’ve traveled together, lived on each others couches, and moved together. More than once in some cases. Words can not describe the love I have for this girl. Seriously. And I mean that in the best friend sense, not the lesbian sense. She’s the only person that doesn’t give a f**k about what people think just as much as I do. I’m pretty sure that our friendship sprouted from how compatible our “No Bullshit Tolerance Meters” were. We’re a lot a like, very different, and yet we work. God, I sound like we're in a relationship, huh? LOL! But seriously, Kami is someone who is really important to me.

She has always been my “tough love” friend as well as my voice of reason. She cares enough to tell me things straight up. No sugar coating. And I do the same for her. Because sometimes we need to hear it. And we are always very open and honest. This is probably why I don’t ever try to hide my bluntness. I have someone in my life (other than my husband, but he doesn’t count) that appreciates my frankness. We can talk about anything and everything under the sun, and not ever feel embarrassed , ashamed, or like we shouldn’t talk about it. Our friendship is pretty awesome. So, maybe you can see why I miss having her in my daily life?

But now, thanks to Skype, I get to talk to her and see her at the same time! She recently got her computer and DSL hooked up. She sent me a message letting me know she had downloaded Skype and viola! Saturday night we had ourselves our first Skype date. You guys have no idea how much I had been missing our talks. We talked for 3 hours. We were able to catch up, talk about FEELINGS, our kids, and have some very adult conversations. It was fantastic, and very much needed on both ends.

We’ve made plans to do this at least once a week if possible. She’s got her hands full with 6 kids (two of which are her step kids), and my schedule is always busy. With me taking on an extra course this fall, I can only imagine it’s about to get busier. So we’ll make time as we go. I still miss getting to actually hug her and just walking/driving over to her house when I needed to vent (or sit in silence). But thanks to Skype, I’m at least getting a part of that back. And for that, I’m always going to be grateful.

Fade

I've been talking a lot about friendships lately. I think it’s because I’m starting to really look at which ones are there for me and which ones aren’t. I feel like I’m just starting to move into a new phase in my life, a phase that will only include the most important people moving forward with me. I really feel that this is a necessary step for me to move ahead into “adulthood” and to finally shed away many of my teenage reminiscences. 

Which brings me to friendships I want to keep. Friendships that mean a lot to me. And that brings me to this lovely lady:

She is one of my best friends! Her name is Kamille, and I love her to pieces. Unfortunately, we have a bit of a problem:

She lives here

& I live here

And quite frankly, this whole “living so far away for long periods of time” thing is a bit weird to me because, from the moment I met her, we lived close to each other. I even moved to California with her! Then I moved back and after a few months, she moved back too. Then, she left back to Cali, I got pregnant, and we’ve stayed in contact as best as we possibly can! But, I miss her so much! And recently, it’s gotten worse! I miss the hour-long talks and being right down the road from her. I miss sitting in her living room watching kid movies for hours. I miss how she made taking a ride to Taco Bell the most fun a girl could have. LOL! She was the person I could talk to about anything and everything! From poop to sex, to childbirth, to drugs, to growing up! She never not once judged me for being me either. And it never mattered what time I called or how early I was at her doorstep, she was always there for me (and vice versa). She’s taught me a lot about being a mother, and family coming first. She’s taught me to keep my head up and never let anyone bring me down. She has taught me that I will make mistakes, and so long as I try to make things right, it'll be ok! And that sometimes you just need to cry. So now with this distance, and with us being apart for so long, I don't have that anymore.

I know I've said in my previous posts, that I've come to realize many of my friends aren't my friends anymore. Yes, we've had great times and at one point in life, I would have gladly taken a bullet for some of them. But now....we are all just drifting. We are all in different stages of life! We are all growing in what we are supposed to become and my lifestyle may not be for them, nor their's mine. Some of them have gotten “smaller” rather than grow, and some of them have completely surpassed me. And that’s OK! These friendships are naturally fading. I don’t grieve for there loss at all! Instead, I’m happy for them! I’m happy that they are doing their thing! But mine and Kami’s friendship is one of the ones I don’t want to see fade. 

And I’m not sure what to do to stop it really? I really hope that this isn't one of the friendships I'll have to let go. We try calling and texting as much as possible. But with us having such crazy schedules (she's a mommy of three and step-monster of two), and being in two different time zones, it makes finding time harder than usual. I usually heard from her at least once a month and recently I could tell she was in a weird place. Like she was in a funk? And it was just so strange to not be able to get some Frappuccino's, walk across the street, and just say “Let’s talk.” Because that’s what we used to do!! There wasn't ever anything that some Frappuccino’s and laughs couldn't fix. It's been almost a month and a half since I've heard from her, and it seems like that space is getting farther and farther apart.

Not being able to really be there for her, especially at this time in her life, is just weird to me. It feels wrong, and like I’m failing her as a friend. And her not reaching out to me like before, or even sending me a quick text to let me know how things are has left me feeling a bit hurt.

& I have no idea what to do about this?