Wordless Wednesday

Someday Somewhere

Recently, I've been thinking a lot about traveling. A friend of my mother's took a trip abroad last year on her own. She is married and a mother, but her husband isn't into traveling. Her son is the same age as Emery, but she wasn't sure how he would do. So her mother-in-law offered to take care of him for a week while her husband took a guys trip, and she went off to go explore another country for four days by herself. She came back with stories, and pictures. She talked about how amazing it was, and how she was able to just relax and do/see what she wanted without worrying about anyone else. I sat back in awe of her, and a bit envious of her at the same time because I wished so bad that I could do that!

Found this on pinterest, not sure who the credit goes to.

I wish that I could pick up and head out for a week to experience a new country, and culture. I wish I could learn all of these different languages and traditions. Being able to go once a year to a different place would be amazing. If I could do anything in the world, it would be that. Just...travel the world. Earlier this week I posted about how I unexpectedly had a "night off". It was great, and I enjoyed it very much. I was extremely grateful for that time, and I don't think I had a huge issue with it because it was only twenty four hours and my parents live five minutes up the road. However, when it comes to traveling I can't see myself going anywhere without my daughter. I'm sure I'd enjoy the first day or two that allowed me time alone, but the guilt would probably consume me in the end. Some people have told me that I need to move passed that, but I'm not sure I'll ever be able to. She goes where I go, especially if it's longer than two days. 

So as much as I'd love to just go off and explore I couldn't go without her. Which brings up my current reality of not ever being able to afford to go anywhere. I have a sister in Japan who I would have loved to visit. She'll be moving back stateside in August. I have two sets of friends living in London. Another friend of mine lives in Switzerland. We have some of my mother's friends who have offered us a place to stay free of charge in Spain. And I would have loved to go visit every single one of them! A ticket for one isn't cheap though. Add two more to that and you're looking at over $4,000 just to fly. So, when you live paycheck to paycheck like we do dreams tend to get pushed back. Everything you wished you could do now turns into "maybe someday", and before you know it the time has passed and someday never came around. I don't want that to happen to me; to us. I want to be able to go out and explore with my little in tow. I want this as much for me as for her.

I'm always saying that once Emery is out of highschool and off to college I'll go. I'll do all of the things I ever wanted to do, and visit all of the places I've wanted to go visit. That's a long time from now though. There is no telling where we'll be, or what will happen during that time. Maybe my husband will change his mind about traveling? Maybe we'll have our things figured out before then? Maybe Emery will want to come too? Maybe I won't make it that long here? Maybe in the next two years we'll sell everything and back pack over the summer? Or maybe these adventures will belong solely to my daughter. Nothing is ever set in stone or promised. Which is probably why I have that fear in the pit of my stomach. That sad little feeling that those years will go by and nothing will be the same by the time I'm able to wander the earth. But I can't worry about that now. It won't do me or anyone else a bit of good. I'm just going to sit back, and enjoy what I have. Eventually I'll get out there. Whether it's in a few years or when I'm eighty by golly I'm going to do it! I'm going to go see the world or at least try to see ONE other place before I kick the bucket. So, that's what I look forward to these days. That someday I keep searching for is out there somewhere and I'm going to find it.

Some Alone Time

I rarely ever give myself any time to be alone. My days consist of work, taking care of Emery, gym time, school work, and chores. On the weekends I spend a lot of time catching up on anything I forgot to do during the week. And regardless of whatever it is that I'm doing, I am always surrounded by people. Whether it's my child, family, friends, or strangers in a fitness class I am never alone. However, this past weekend I was unexpectedly given a whole 24 hours to myself. You see, my husband and brother-in-law made a trip down south to visit one of his old friends who's down for work training. They left on Saturday morning. And then, out of nowhere Emery asks if she can spend the night at her grandparents house. After she asked my mom, who of course said said yes, I made the drive over. I asked her if she was sure, and what would I do while she was gone? She simply stated, "Mom, you're not alone. Here are my baby dolls. Pretend they're real and I'll be back tomorrow. It's not that long." She patted my cheek and said "Be a brave girl, Mommy." and so with that I dropped her off. 

You guys. I had no idea what to do with myself. Here I was with all of this free time, and I had no idea where to even begin. Do I go see a movie? Do I go grab a bottle (or two) of wine? Do I go hit the gym? Maybe take the dogs for a walk. Should I go out and have a nice quiet dinner somewhere? Were any of my friends in town? Should I go get some shopping done? I mean, the possibilities were endless. There was a lot of stuff that needed to be done around the house and I sat in my kitchen contemplating whether or not I should just get started on housework. If I did it right then I wouldn't have to worry about it the next day which would technically be the smart thing to do, right? Well, here's what all I didn't do: I didn't wash clothes. I didn't do the dishes. I didn't sweep or mop. I didn't clean the bathroom or vacuum the carpets. I didn't pick up Emery's room even though it desperately needs it. No, instead, I brought the dogs in and washed them off. I laid down blankets on the couch, and we all snuggled up for a "Switched at Birth" marathon (don't judge) followed by some awesomely cheesy romance movies on Netflix. 

And that my friends is how I spent my Saturday night. I finally went to bed around 3 am only to be back up at 7 am. Habits, am I right? Though I just lounged in bed for an hour and a half before finally deciding that I should get up, and at least attempt a normal routine. Otherwise I'd pay for it later. So, I ate cereal in bed, and read the rest of a book that I needed to finish. I napped for about thirty minutes afterwards, and then FINALLY got ready for my day. It. Was. AWESOME! When I say that I had the best time doing nothing I'm not joking. It was so nice to just be by myself too. I didn't worry about chores or feeding everyone. I didn't worry about what I was going to wear or whether the clothes were washed. I walked around in my underwear, people. These chances are really few and far between. Really far. I don't ever get time like this because I'm always going. There's always something else I could be doing, and if you know me you know everyone else comes before me. That's just how I am. Naturally though, I'm a pretty independent person, and there are times when I crave that space. I don't push for it though. Had Emery not even mentioned anything I would have happily spent the whole weekend with it just being us two. In fact, I had been looking forward to it. However, she wanted to have a sleep over with her grandma & grandpa. Something tells me ice cream was involved. So, I let her.

Around eleven on Sunday Emery finally called to tell me that she would be ready for me to pick her up as soon as she was done "driving" her car. Soon after that I received a text from my sister-in-law letting me know that we were still on for a kayaking trip that afternoon. Which is a post for another time. So, off I went to pick up my little. She had made some crafts, colored some pictures, and even showed me a few gymnastic moves that she learned while at her grandparent's house. She was ecstatic and I finally felt like I had reset the internal batteries. Gratitude was expressed to everyone. Once we made our way back home we started to get ready for our next adventure of the day. But for that story, you'll just have to wait to read about it later.