Someday Somewhere

Recently, I've been thinking a lot about traveling. A friend of my mother's took a trip abroad last year on her own. She is married and a mother, but her husband isn't into traveling. Her son is the same age as Emery, but she wasn't sure how he would do. So her mother-in-law offered to take care of him for a week while her husband took a guys trip, and she went off to go explore another country for four days by herself. She came back with stories, and pictures. She talked about how amazing it was, and how she was able to just relax and do/see what she wanted without worrying about anyone else. I sat back in awe of her, and a bit envious of her at the same time because I wished so bad that I could do that!

Found this on pinterest, not sure who the credit goes to.

I wish that I could pick up and head out for a week to experience a new country, and culture. I wish I could learn all of these different languages and traditions. Being able to go once a year to a different place would be amazing. If I could do anything in the world, it would be that. Just...travel the world. Earlier this week I posted about how I unexpectedly had a "night off". It was great, and I enjoyed it very much. I was extremely grateful for that time, and I don't think I had a huge issue with it because it was only twenty four hours and my parents live five minutes up the road. However, when it comes to traveling I can't see myself going anywhere without my daughter. I'm sure I'd enjoy the first day or two that allowed me time alone, but the guilt would probably consume me in the end. Some people have told me that I need to move passed that, but I'm not sure I'll ever be able to. She goes where I go, especially if it's longer than two days. 

So as much as I'd love to just go off and explore I couldn't go without her. Which brings up my current reality of not ever being able to afford to go anywhere. I have a sister in Japan who I would have loved to visit. She'll be moving back stateside in August. I have two sets of friends living in London. Another friend of mine lives in Switzerland. We have some of my mother's friends who have offered us a place to stay free of charge in Spain. And I would have loved to go visit every single one of them! A ticket for one isn't cheap though. Add two more to that and you're looking at over $4,000 just to fly. So, when you live paycheck to paycheck like we do dreams tend to get pushed back. Everything you wished you could do now turns into "maybe someday", and before you know it the time has passed and someday never came around. I don't want that to happen to me; to us. I want to be able to go out and explore with my little in tow. I want this as much for me as for her.

I'm always saying that once Emery is out of highschool and off to college I'll go. I'll do all of the things I ever wanted to do, and visit all of the places I've wanted to go visit. That's a long time from now though. There is no telling where we'll be, or what will happen during that time. Maybe my husband will change his mind about traveling? Maybe we'll have our things figured out before then? Maybe Emery will want to come too? Maybe I won't make it that long here? Maybe in the next two years we'll sell everything and back pack over the summer? Or maybe these adventures will belong solely to my daughter. Nothing is ever set in stone or promised. Which is probably why I have that fear in the pit of my stomach. That sad little feeling that those years will go by and nothing will be the same by the time I'm able to wander the earth. But I can't worry about that now. It won't do me or anyone else a bit of good. I'm just going to sit back, and enjoy what I have. Eventually I'll get out there. Whether it's in a few years or when I'm eighty by golly I'm going to do it! I'm going to go see the world or at least try to see ONE other place before I kick the bucket. So, that's what I look forward to these days. That someday I keep searching for is out there somewhere and I'm going to find it.