A Recent Fascination // New York City

I want to travel. And when I say travel I mean travel. I want to explore the world. I want to experience other cultures and have my feet firmly planted in another country. I want to try their food and drinks. Their coffee. I want to take a train from one city to the next. I want to hike up a mountain and swim walk ankle-deep into a different ocean. I want to wander through castles and old gothic cathedrals. I want to experience life on the other side of the world. If I had unlimited amounts of money that’s what I would like to do most- travel. Take my family to a new place every year.

However, I’m about 90% sure that this will never happen. That remaining 10% is me holding on to hope. If I’m being honest, I’ll be lucky if I can make the jump across the pond once in my life. And that kind of bums me out a little bit. But this doesn’t mean that I can’t travel somewhere closer in the meantime, right? Maybe somewhere that has a lot of different cultures and foods. A mesh of people from all over the world. And what better place is there to visit for that than New York City?

Photo by Jermaine Ee on Unsplash 

Taking a trip to NYC has been on my mind a lot lately. From wanting to visit the 9/11 Memorial to riding on a subway for the first time. I want to taste a real New York pizza and personally visit some of the places that have been featured on Humans of New York. Maybe even take a stroll through Central Park? I want to talk to people who have lived there for years and hear their stories - the changes that they’ve witnessed. There’s just something so fascinating about this city and the people who live there. I feel like there’s just a completely different energy there too. And I’m also kind of stunned by the amount of money people spend to live there. I mean, rent alone is outrageous! Check out this video for a glimpse. So, being able to see and learn what the majority do to survive there is something I’m really curious about. And then after finding the “watchingnewyork” Instagram account by John Cirillo I just have this desire to go sit on a park bench and people watch for a day. Take in all of the different personalities, if you will.

So, this is something I’ve brought up to Corey. While he didn’t live in New York City he did live in New York for a year and was able to visit NYC as well as Niagara Falls. And while he says that he has no desire to visit NYC again, he may make an exception if I commit to going. Which is something I’m really considering at the moment. Round trip flights are really cheap, but on the other hand, the restrictions right now are really strict. Though there is an option to book flights about 6 months in advance there’s no telling how things will be that far out. So, we’ll see. Right now, I just know that visiting New York City has moved WAY up on my bucket list.

Now, what do you think? Have you ever been? When is the best time to go visit? What are some cool places to check out? What are some budget options? Was the trip worth it? Is there possibly another place we could visit that offers about the same type of vibe but at a much cheaper price? Obviously, I won't be going anytime soon, but I’m definitely wanting to take a vacation every other year to visit a new place. New York City will probably be tossed into the hat as a contender for the next family vacation. So, suggestions are welcomed. Until the next post, ✌.

A Small Dream

Recently, I've been really thinking about what I want to do with my life. Not just in my marriage, or in terms of school either. Though school is still back on the table. But also in what I truly enjoy out of life. Consistently. Because a degree can only take you so far. You see, I've always said that I wanted to get a degree in Business Admin., or Marketing so that I wouldn't be limited to a specific kind of work. That was the end game, a stepping stone to grow, and maybe move out of this town. See the world. The problem is that it's always felt like a "means to an end". It's like I'm choosing that particular field of study only to get better, and not because it's something I'm truly interested in. When talking about how I felt stumped or stuck the one phrase I kept hearing was "do what you love". Once that happens you start to give more. Start to enjoy more. Feel confident in what you're doing, and like you have a purpose. Doing what you love to do makes it less about working for a paycheck, and more about feeling productive and content. 

Now, I always see women, and men who join companies like "It Works!", "Advocare", or "Origami Owl" (just to name a few) which are basically pyramid companies that they use to supplement their income. I'm not knocking these either so if you're a part of these don't get your feathers all ruffled. Honestly, if you can make a living doing this, and you enjoy it then more power to you honey! I actually have several friends that have joined, and I've even been asked to join up under them with the promise of earning extra money which is always tempting. The thing is that you have to sell a product, and you have to incorporate these items into basically everything (especially social media). It also usually requires a lot of enthusiasm on your part to be pushing those products ALL of the time. And I just couldn't see myself doing that. So that's why I always decline the offers to become a rep, or join a certain "family"/ brand. It's just not for me. 

​However, that idea of finding what I enjoy to do stuck with me. Or more like it became this nagging little thought that I just couldn't shake. ​The idea of finding a passion, and pursuing it was actually really appealing. So a few weeks ago, before all of my personal drama started to surface and wreak havoc, I started to really look at my life. I asked myself some questions​ about what I wanted to do. What were some goals that I had? Did I want to continue with my​ current job?​ Did I enjoy what I was doing?​ Should I scale back on my hours to create a better work/life balance? ​Would​ I ​rather work from home instead? ​Would I rather be doing something else entirely? If I had the money, or the financial backing what would I enjoy creating? ​Did I want to stay in my little town​, or look elsewhere? What could I do to make a difference? How could I help others, and could I find a job that would allow me to do so? What in my life didn't seem like so much work, and ​what was the cause of most of the ​stress? What did I enjoy doing? What was a constant for me?​ And surprisingly (or not if you really think about it) some of the answers to those questions revolved around books.

I love books. I like to read them, read about them, discover new authors, and have discussions. I'm always recommending books to others, or even looking for recommendations myself. So, I came to the conclusion that I would really love to own/run my own bookstore. We live in a small town, and the only major bookstore we had was shut down about a year ago due to a a failed buyout/bankruptcy. We now have a total of two stores that sell books, and the selections as well as hours of operation are all over the place. The majority of the books are old, used, and the selection available is very limited. I would like to bring more into our community that would allow people of all ages to find something interesting. Add a wider selection, and offer something different atmosphere wise. I'd also love to use some of the proceeds each month to donate to a charity or church. When I talked to a few people about this idea I was mainly asked what the point of a bookstore would be in this day, and whether I even saw it being successful long term. ​​I'm aware that we are in a digital age, and e-readers are really popular. However there's always a market for people who want physical copies of books, and even more so if they're affordable. I believe that kids and adults alike would enjoy a place to sit down, and open up a book. I miss having that space, and I'm sure I'm not the only one. So, that's my dream. To have my own shop. To be my own boss. To raise my daughter around books that can open up worlds to her. Whether I'll be able to do it or not, I have no idea. Right now it's just an idea. A dream. Hopefully it leads to some big things though. 

Someday Somewhere

Recently, I've been thinking a lot about traveling. A friend of my mother's took a trip abroad last year on her own. She is married and a mother, but her husband isn't into traveling. Her son is the same age as Emery, but she wasn't sure how he would do. So her mother-in-law offered to take care of him for a week while her husband took a guys trip, and she went off to go explore another country for four days by herself. She came back with stories, and pictures. She talked about how amazing it was, and how she was able to just relax and do/see what she wanted without worrying about anyone else. I sat back in awe of her, and a bit envious of her at the same time because I wished so bad that I could do that!

Found this on pinterest, not sure who the credit goes to.

I wish that I could pick up and head out for a week to experience a new country, and culture. I wish I could learn all of these different languages and traditions. Being able to go once a year to a different place would be amazing. If I could do anything in the world, it would be that. Just...travel the world. Earlier this week I posted about how I unexpectedly had a "night off". It was great, and I enjoyed it very much. I was extremely grateful for that time, and I don't think I had a huge issue with it because it was only twenty four hours and my parents live five minutes up the road. However, when it comes to traveling I can't see myself going anywhere without my daughter. I'm sure I'd enjoy the first day or two that allowed me time alone, but the guilt would probably consume me in the end. Some people have told me that I need to move passed that, but I'm not sure I'll ever be able to. She goes where I go, especially if it's longer than two days. 

So as much as I'd love to just go off and explore I couldn't go without her. Which brings up my current reality of not ever being able to afford to go anywhere. I have a sister in Japan who I would have loved to visit. She'll be moving back stateside in August. I have two sets of friends living in London. Another friend of mine lives in Switzerland. We have some of my mother's friends who have offered us a place to stay free of charge in Spain. And I would have loved to go visit every single one of them! A ticket for one isn't cheap though. Add two more to that and you're looking at over $4,000 just to fly. So, when you live paycheck to paycheck like we do dreams tend to get pushed back. Everything you wished you could do now turns into "maybe someday", and before you know it the time has passed and someday never came around. I don't want that to happen to me; to us. I want to be able to go out and explore with my little in tow. I want this as much for me as for her.

I'm always saying that once Emery is out of highschool and off to college I'll go. I'll do all of the things I ever wanted to do, and visit all of the places I've wanted to go visit. That's a long time from now though. There is no telling where we'll be, or what will happen during that time. Maybe my husband will change his mind about traveling? Maybe we'll have our things figured out before then? Maybe Emery will want to come too? Maybe I won't make it that long here? Maybe in the next two years we'll sell everything and back pack over the summer? Or maybe these adventures will belong solely to my daughter. Nothing is ever set in stone or promised. Which is probably why I have that fear in the pit of my stomach. That sad little feeling that those years will go by and nothing will be the same by the time I'm able to wander the earth. But I can't worry about that now. It won't do me or anyone else a bit of good. I'm just going to sit back, and enjoy what I have. Eventually I'll get out there. Whether it's in a few years or when I'm eighty by golly I'm going to do it! I'm going to go see the world or at least try to see ONE other place before I kick the bucket. So, that's what I look forward to these days. That someday I keep searching for is out there somewhere and I'm going to find it.

One Day

Emery does this thing where she randomly starts naming things that she wants or wants to do. Sometimes they make sense, sometimes they don't. But I always tell her that she can do WHATEVER she puts her mind to do.

"Mom, I want to grow big so I can be a big girl on skates, but I want to be small like I am now." 

"Mom, I want to go to the moon so I can fix it and then I want to talk to the stars."

"Mom, I want my hair orange like Merida."

"Mom, I want to be a mermaid so I can talk to the fish."

"Mom, I want a skateboard but I want to color it myself and can I get one that has different shapes?"

"Mom, I want to be a witch, okay? A green witch. But no hat, okay?"

"Mom, I want to ride a rainbow."

The list is endless, and she's extremely serious when she's announcing her wants. So today, I've decided that I want to create my own version of this. So, in no particular order, here goes: 

One day, I want to have a career that I'm passionate about.
One day, I want to visit Paris at Christmas.
One day, I want to live by, if not close to, the beach.
One day, I want to have another baby.
One day, I want to volunteer abroad.
One day, I want to finish college.
One day, I want to learn how to surf.
One day, I want to climb a mountain.
One day, I want to be completely debt free.
One day, I want to go skinny dipping.
One day, I want to road trip from one coast to the other.
One day, I want to jump out of a plane.
One day, I want to adopt or foster a child.
One day, I want to swim with dolphins.
One day, I want to see the Egyptian pyramids in person.
One day, I want to learn to speak French.

Now, my list could go on and on too. Most people would say that these things are achievable at this very moment. Realistically though, I know I might not necessarily achieve any of these at all unless I really work for them. For example, I'd love to have more kids, but unless something changes financially, I won't. Or, I'd love to learn how to surf, but unless I live somewhere close to the water I won't ever be able to practice enough to be any good at it. And so on, and so on. These are what I hope for, what I dream about being able to do...one day.

I'm a little ashamed to admit, but I spent a good part of my life thinking that I wouldn't do much with it. I would live in the same town, and work at the same job my entire life. I won't ever go anywhere because I can't afford it so I should just get used to viewing the world through some one else's pictures. I guess I just assumed I should be complacent, and grateful for what I have. And I am! I know just how blessed we are. I know that every day is a gift, and we shouldn't waste it by being unhappy with what we have. But I also know that wanting things can be a good thing. Having hopes, dreams, aspirations....those can be the start of something truly spectacular! 

I think my aversion to wanting more, was because it meant I would have to really try for it. Nothing in life is handed to us, we have to go out and get it. Sometimes, we also have to fail. And that right there, can be a scary thing. Inconsistency, uncertainty, unpredictability. Those words alone make me nervous. Slowly, I'm learning to be okay with this though. I'm learning to be okay with failing; with coming up short. But always knowing that I'm trying new things. Different things! I'm wanting to do more with the life that I've been given. I want to know that I'm attempting something in life. No one can say that I didn't go out and leave my print, however tiny it may end up being. 

And this is something I'm deeply passionate about teaching as well as showing my daughter. That being a dreamer is pretty awesome! Wanting to do more with your life is great! Some things we will achieve and others we will fail miserably at. BUT IT'S OKAY! Because even though we failed we still did it. It may not have been our thing but at least there are no regrets. And who knows, maybe it opened up a door to other possibilities we had never even considered. All because we wanted something, one day.

Day Dreamin'

I’ve been missing California a lot lately. I miss the palm trees. I've almost gone as far as to thinking about buying one to plant. But, I don’t think it would survive. Then, last week I chatted with my friend Kami over Facebook, and that made me miss it even more. For now, I just keep telling myself that NEXT summer, we’ll pay a visit. Since summer classes are out of the question for me we’ll always have that time to do as we please. Silver lining...? I think so. 

Maybe.

Until then, all I have are daydreams, memories, pictures, and video from our trip back in January. So on days like today, when I find myself really wanting to be back there, I just watch this video. With the volume up. Just so it will take me back and hold me over till I see it again. 

Happy Friday!

p.s. My other husband

released his new single on Wednesday.
Check it out here.