The Night Before Lent

I'm feeling some type of way tonight. Like everything is moving really fast, but also, not fast enough. I'm having to tell myself, more often than not, to slow down. Enjoy where life is currently taking me. Be present in the now. Don't rush this, you're fine. But as I sit here I'm also thinking about ten other different things going on, my leg won't stop bouncing, and I'm feeling slightly claustrophobic. I'm worried about the sacrifices that tomorrow will bring and whether I'll have the discipline to follow through with everything I feel is being asked of me. If I'll be strong enough to get through this Lent season. 

This year, for Lent, I decided to give up Facebook again. Last year, I deactivated my account and there was so much peace felt during that time. It's amazing what a "social media" break can actually do for you. Even when you're not on there very often, it can still feel like an addiction of sorts. Or a time suck. And this year, I'm craving that peace again. However, on top of that, I'll also be doing an elimination diet. A slightly altered, Autoimmune Protocol Diet. I've been having issues with my weight again, and just the way my body feels in general. So bloated and stretched beyond capacity. I want to dedicate this Lent to trying my best to fix the issues in a more natural way. I want to hand all of this over to God because I'm just so tired of the health issues. I'm tired of the yo-yo weight problems. I'm tired of feeling tired. And this is my year of healing. So, I'm handing it over to Him. But y'all, these next two weeks are going to be hell. Cutting out coffee alone will probably send me into withdrawals. So, I'm not looking forward to it, even though I know it's necessary. 

I've also picked back up on my therapy sessions. I had a nice "catch up" session with my therapist last week, and there was a lot of new information that we had to navigate through. I swear, his pen didn't stop moving that entire hour. What I realized though, was how uncomfortable I felt sitting there. Fidgety. But not in a negative way. More of a "Uggh, he's hitting some nerves and I don't like it," kind of way. This means that it was definitely time to sit my passive-aggressive, reality avoiding, anxiety-prone ass back on that couch. It was time for me to start letting all of what I had bottled up inside of me, finally come out. It wasn't until that session, as I sat there clinging to the pillow in my lap and counting each time *Watson tapped his pen on the pad, that I realized just how much I had slipped back into some old habits without even realizing it. And that's not the direction that I want to go. Backward is not an option. So, if I want to take a really good look inward, this is where I need to start. This is where my healing begins.   

*the nickname my sister-in-law uses when talking about my therapist.