A One Child Family

Recently, I’ve been asked a lot about when I’ll have a second child. When I respond with “Well, I actually think we might be done.” I get the usual “What? Really? Why wouldn’t you want Emery to have a sibling?” or the “Aww, so she’s going to be an only child? She’ll be so lonely! Why not have another one, two is the perfect number!” I try my best to shake off the comments but I'd be lying if I said I’m not usually left feeling a bit guilty about this decision afterwards. So I back track and say “Well, we’re waiting till I finish school before deciding anything.” I plaster on a smile and go on with my day. But their words usually stick with me and I find myself second guessing my reasoning. Am I really being selfish for not having another child?

The truth though, is that I’d love to have another child. To me, two is definitely the perfect number. In fact, when I was pregnant I was secretly hoping for twins so I would be done. But now that we’re almost out of the TERRIBLE THREE stage, I don’t know if I want to go through it all over again. The pregnancy was rough, and natural child birth is painful (the only way I'd go). Not to mention all of this terrible two/three/whatever else is ahead already had me front and center to be put back on birth control. Also, my schedule right now is packed so at the end of my day I am exhausted. Exhausted. And I only have ONE child! The husband can’t technically count as a child. I honestly don't know how I’d manage with another baby. I'm sure we'd adjust, but then we'd also be repeating the cycle all over again. And I'm not sure if I want to go through it all again. Okay, maybe that is a bit selfish.

Then, I’m always considering finances. My husband was recently laid off so we are back to being a one income family. This is rough when it took two incomes to cover all of your expenses. So we've had to tighten up. Penny pinching, and coupons. It’s hard enough already with just three of us that I feel bringing another child into our family right now (or in the immediate future) would just weigh on us even more. I wouldn't have the luxury of enjoying the pregnancy because the doctor bills alone would give me a made case of anxiety. Now, I know people say that “If you wait for everything to be perfect, you’ll never do anything.” I was told this many times when I was pregnant and freaking out about the timing. And I get that it makes sense. I get that you can’t put everything off, but I think that choosing to have another child when you’re already strained in the financial department is probably one of the most irresponsible things I could do.

So for now, I'm just trying my best to enjoy us as we are. Looking at my little family I can honestly say that I love that it's just us three. Sure sometimes I get baby fever like a motherf**ker, and I have to talk myself out of forcing the husband to impregnate me. But that's all it is, baby fever. Fever that I don't act on. And I like that even on just one income we get by with a little extra on the side to take her out for a treat on the weekend. I like not having to worry about diapers and formulas. Although sometimes I’d gladly have those back instead of the temper tantrum’s we’re facing now. I like that I can just put Emery in the car seat and we’re off on our one little adventure; no diaper bag needed. I feel that we socialize Emery enough with other kids as well as adults for her to not be lonely. And I like the idea of only being 41 when Emery goes off to college and we could actually help pay for her to go to a great school! Maybe this makes us selfish, but this is how we feel right now. I like where we’re at. It could all change tomorrow, or in a few years though. We still have plenty of time to decide the final head count for our family. But for now, I feel like one is right. One is enough. One is perfect.