As you guys all know I’m constantly trying to loose weight. I work out, eat healthy, and then fall of the bandwagon in a bad way. Lather. Rinse. Repeat. I hit a slump, or something happens and I’m out for the count for a few days weeks. It’s such a sad thing, and I blame it on my lack of self control. A lot of times, I feel like everything has to be in order. I’m not full on OCD, but there are certain things that I need to have in or done a certain way. Call it some pretty badass organization skills if you’d like, but there are things in my life that I absolutely have to have in a certain order, a certain color, a certain amount. Unfortunately, when it comes to laundry, food, and working out these rules do not apply. Again, lack of self control. Sometimes I think that out of everything that I have to have a certain way, those are the only things I allow myself to fail in. Why is laundry on the list? I have no idea. But it is, and I can tell you right now that I'm awful when it comes to it. But that's a story for another time.
Anyway, mentally I know it’s all an excuse. If I really set my mind to it, I can achieve it. I can loose weight. I can make better food choices. I can put good things into my body. I can make that lifestyle choice. I've done it before. But for some reason, I don’t push hard enough. I don’t make myself. I look at myself first thing in the morning and I tell myself that I’ll do good. I’ll eat right. I’ll come home and exercise. I’ll get what I want, and I’ll be damn proud. But by the time lunch rolls around, I usually cave. Or I get home and I feel too tired. I don’t push myself. I’ve repeated so many things throughout the day, and I’ve just exhausted myself mentally with all these “ticks”. I end up allowing the time I have at home to turn into excuses. I tell myself, “You deserve the day off” or “You’ll make it up tomorrow.” And it sucks that I allow those things to be my “short comings”. I wish that I could trade my “even number” tick for a “have to run every day” tick. Seriously my life would be so much better. But I can’t and so it’s all up to me. Mentally. To get my ass into gear.
I know that this already sounds like an excuse. And you know what? It probably is. But it’s how I feel. It’s what I do. And now, in hopes of getting my ass back in gear for hopefully the last time, I want to change things up. I’m trying my best to force myself into staying active. Force myself to not indulge. Make myself push harder. Treat this like I would anything else in my life: with discipline. I need to tell myself that this is something I have to do. I know that the results I want are completely possible. I just need to make myself get there. Even if that means working out late at night. I’ve tried doing early morning, but that’s not happening -- 4 am wake-up calls are just insane. I need to push all of the negative out of my mind and really focus. I know it won’t be easy. Especially with school right around the corner. But it’s not impossible. And I realize that I need to stop allowing excuses. They’re getting me no where. Until then, I’ll stay the same. I won’t change how I eat. I won’t work out consistently. I won’t loose the weight. And I won’t be happy.
Click picture for source.
This is not me, obv. But, this girl started out at my weight and is now at 145 lbs and dropping.
Truly an inspiration. And motivation.
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