The past few weeks have been crazy!! It has been an emotionally and physically confusing, draining, and overall shitty time. Things with my marriage are still a bit on edge but finally in the process of being worked out. We are trying to drift back together, instead of apart. Only time will tell if we can make it through but my focus is still my family and my husband because they are what matters.
To spend more time with them means less time on my phone and computer. I need more time with them and also some “space” from my husband (in a good way). He has friends, and I don’t. He goes out, I don’t. He has hobbies, I don’t. This is because my world revolves around our daughter. I hate using babysitters so if it involves having one I usually just skip out on whatever it is that I was thinking of doing. Apparently, this isn’t very healthy for me or for my marriage. And in all fairness to me, my husband hasn’t had a problem with continuing on and doing what he wants, leaving me behind. This has not been very fair. I’m not saying I’m going to stop making my life revolve around her; it’s more like integrating her into OUR life. Or if it does involve a babysitter, I need to let go. I need to stop freaking out and just ENJOY the time. So long as she’s safe (the babysitter is my mother), I shouldn’t call or text every few minutes asking if I need to be home.
I also want to include her into every hobby of ours that we possibly can. So, awhile back I bought a seat that bolts onto my bike so Em could go for rides with me. She loves it! I intend to fully take advantage of this! She’s also capable of walking now but I also have the jogger for when I go on walks so she can come along. And, last weekend I scored a $1,500 Nordic Track Treadmill for $80!! It was originally $75 but another guy had his eye on it so my brother upped our offer to $80 so we could get it!! It is in really great condition, I mean almost brand new! Anyway, I bought it so that I could start getting up earlier and going for runs. I’ll be right next door to Emery so I won’t have to wake her up to take her next door to my mothers. And that means that in the afternoons if I can’t go out for a run I can still go for one inside! This is great, and it won’t disturb her schedule which is awesome! I also want to start going places that we can take Emery with us as well. There’s no reason she can’t go to the bowling alley or even a trip to the zoo. Flea markets, bike races, and gatherings. I understand there are some places she can’t come along for, and my husband and I do need alone time at least once a week. So this brings us to my schedule.
At first, I thought this was stupid. But, I read a lot of marriage/couple help blogs and forums that all suggested schedules. I was desperate and really had no one to get advice from, so I figured it couldn’t hurt. Many of these sites tell you to get back to communication, spending time together, spending time apart, spending time as a family, and sex. Not necessarily in that order. Well, my husband hates emotions. So trying to get him to sit down and open up is like trying to open up a mussel with your bare hand. It’s a freakin' battle! I’ve tried before. I am a scheduler and a planner by nature, but I felt like having to schedule our week out to spend time together was exactly the same as forcing us to stay together. I was also hesitant about approaching him with a schedule because I was afraid this would come across as a “controlling tactic”. Which was not my intention. Well, I created a schedule that made sure to set time for him to do his guy thing, and me to do my girl thing. I also set aside date night, family day, and two “opens” which meant we could rearrange our schedules on those days. I’ve set up one on one time with Emery for each of us, put in my workouts, and I’ve agreed to more sex. Can’t really schedule that last one, but I’ve agreed to do it more often. Everything has to be talked over before any changes take place though. We also have to take each other into consideration and we can’t skip out on date night or family day either. At first, he said it was stupid, but after seeing some of the benefits the schedule brought he’s up for giving it a try. I really hope this works...(fingers crossed)
Ok, so that’s all the updates I have for you. I figured I’d pop in and let everyone know that we’re headed in the right direction at this moment. Hope everyone has a great fourth of July weekend!!
p/s Today (the morning) was my last fast food junk day.
I'm officially getting back on the eat clean bandwagon!
Wish me luck!
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