30

The 19th was my husband’s birthday. No matter how old I get he’ll always be a year older. The 20th was our 9-year anniversary. I’ll always love you; don’t forget. The 21st was my 30th birthday. And just like that, I’m officially out of my twenties. I had originally planned to spend that Friday wallowing in self-pity with a bottle (or two) of wine, some romance movies, and a gallon of chocolate ice cream. However, that didn’t happen. Sure, the pity-party took place, but a few things came up that didn’t allow me to give it my full attention. So, my time alone turned into half of the day spent with my mother & grandmother, and the rest with my little one. That Saturday I did get a few hours to myself, but it was spent cleaning. Then I was able to go see “GEOSTORM” with my sister-in-law, and afterwards eat cheesecake to my heart’s content. Later that evening I heard from an old friend which was such a wonderful surprise, and then my best friend Kami called as well. I spent over two hours on the phone with her, and it wasn't up until after we hung up that I realized how much I miss her in my day-to-day life. I'm hoping we can go visit her next summer, or maybe in the spring. So, it wasn’t a bad way to ring in thirty.

What has been affecting me lately, though, is depression. Right about now my brother would tell me to quit being a cry baby. He’s partially right. The thing is that I’ve actually been feeling like this since the middle of September. It’s been this sadness, this struggle to get up on most days, and constant forced smiles. This isn’t new to me, but I feel like I’m getting hit pretty hard this time around. When I was a teenager I was diagnosed with depression, and after some treatment I learned how to manage it on my own. Then in 2015 it came back, and again I sought help/treatment before finally feeling strong enough to go without. And here we are…yet again. Only this time I don’t have the money to start counselling, or see the doctor. So, for now I’m just doing my best to keep myself from getting too down. I’m trying to do things that I like, and stay busy. This week is Halloween, which we love, and I have a concert to go to on Friday as well. Things are okay, and I’m trying to remind myself of that when I start to overthink things.

Overall, we’re good. I’m good. I have no real complaints. This past weekend my brother, and sister-in-law came down. We spent a lot of time hanging out, exchanging stories, debating topics, and I was able to get my baby fix. We had good food, stayed up late, and it was actually cold for awhile so it started to feel like fall/winter around here. Though only for about 24 hours. Emery was able to spend some much-needed outdoor time with her uncle. She’d been so excited for his arrival, and even woke up at 7 am on Sunday to go mountain biking for her first time with him. She came back with blisters, and a dirt covered face that wore a smile about a mile wide. So, it was good. Life is good. 

Here’s to thirty.

Wordless Wednesday

Post Op Update

Well, I survived! And all I can really say is that surgery is no joke. The feeling you have when waking up, and the pain you feel afterwards (no matter how “minimally invasive” the procedure is) are not fun. Also, when they say you don’t remember anything, they lie. I remember it all. And I’ve come to the decision that surgery is not something I’d ever voluntarily put myself through. So, there goes that future boob job I had been hoping for. Anyway, the gallbladder is finally out. Now I’m just trying to being cautious of the side effects. Learning what I can, and can’t eat or drink. It’s been a process, but I’ll get the hang of it.

There was a little issue with my gallbladder being so inflamed that it was twice the size it should have been. This meant more incisions had to be made than originally planned. And instead of being back at work within four days like I had hoped, it turned into having to use a whole week of my vacation time. I wasn’t really thrilled about that, but I had a lot of pain. Surprisingly there was a lot of nausea & vomiting too. And my breathing was a little off for a while. A few tweaks of my medications, and a lot of walking around helped speed up the recovery process though.

I’ve actually been feeling about 80% better. Though I got ahead of myself today when I put on jeans for work. While standing they felt fine, but sitting is a whole other ballgame. The button presses right against the biggest incision site, and wholly moly is it painful! See what overconfidence gets you? By the time I got in my car this morning, and realized the huge mistake I had made it was too late. So, I suffered through. Tomorrow it’s definitely back to yoga pants. Now, with the exception of a few little hiccups here, and there I’m hoping it won’t be too much longer before I start feeling normal again. Some other great news is that I was finally cleared to resume gym sessions! Oh, how I have missed it. And I keep being told that by the end of November I should be feeling the best I’ve ever felt in a long while. So, fingers crossed! Here's to having to build everything back up again!