30

The 19th was my husband’s birthday. No matter how old I get he’ll always be a year older. The 20th was our 9-year anniversary. I’ll always love you; don’t forget. The 21st was my 30th birthday. And just like that, I’m officially out of my twenties. I had originally planned to spend that Friday wallowing in self-pity with a bottle (or two) of wine, some romance movies, and a gallon of chocolate ice cream. However, that didn’t happen. Sure, the pity-party took place, but a few things came up that didn’t allow me to give it my full attention. So, my time alone turned into half of the day spent with my mother & grandmother, and the rest with my little one. That Saturday I did get a few hours to myself, but it was spent cleaning. Then I was able to go see “GEOSTORM” with my sister-in-law, and afterwards eat cheesecake to my heart’s content. Later that evening I heard from an old friend which was such a wonderful surprise, and then my best friend Kami called as well. I spent over two hours on the phone with her, and it wasn't up until after we hung up that I realized how much I miss her in my day-to-day life. I'm hoping we can go visit her next summer, or maybe in the spring. So, it wasn’t a bad way to ring in thirty.

What has been affecting me lately, though, is depression. Right about now my brother would tell me to quit being a cry baby. He’s partially right. The thing is that I’ve actually been feeling like this since the middle of September. It’s been this sadness, this struggle to get up on most days, and constant forced smiles. This isn’t new to me, but I feel like I’m getting hit pretty hard this time around. When I was a teenager I was diagnosed with depression, and after some treatment I learned how to manage it on my own. Then in 2015 it came back, and again I sought help/treatment before finally feeling strong enough to go without. And here we are…yet again. Only this time I don’t have the money to start counselling, or see the doctor. So, for now I’m just doing my best to keep myself from getting too down. I’m trying to do things that I like, and stay busy. This week is Halloween, which we love, and I have a concert to go to on Friday as well. Things are okay, and I’m trying to remind myself of that when I start to overthink things.

Overall, we’re good. I’m good. I have no real complaints. This past weekend my brother, and sister-in-law came down. We spent a lot of time hanging out, exchanging stories, debating topics, and I was able to get my baby fix. We had good food, stayed up late, and it was actually cold for awhile so it started to feel like fall/winter around here. Though only for about 24 hours. Emery was able to spend some much-needed outdoor time with her uncle. She’d been so excited for his arrival, and even woke up at 7 am on Sunday to go mountain biking for her first time with him. She came back with blisters, and a dirt covered face that wore a smile about a mile wide. So, it was good. Life is good. 

Here’s to thirty.