Halloween

Happy Halloween!

Happy Samhain!

It’s been awhile, aye? The past few weeks have been pretty busy. From October 19-26th we had several celebrations. I had some posts in the works for my brother’s birthday and for my future sister-in-law’s birthday, but I got caught up in a lot of school that I didn’t have time to finish them. Once I do, I’ll post them on their respective days (if I get the chance).

On our birthday weekend my husband and I attempted to have a date night. We got all dressed up, but once we hit town we realized there just wasn’t anything to do. So, we grabbed some alcohol, drink mix materials, and headed home. Since Em was out with my mother we decided to make drinks, listen to music, and play some card games! Oh my gosh is my age showing?!? We had a blast, and at the end of the night we brought Emery back home, and went to sleep! All by MIDNIGHT!! Yea, if it wasn’t showing before it is now. LOL! That Sunday, we spent time with some friends. Emery and I were able to have a girls only lunch with a friend of mine. It was definitely needed, and nice.

This past weekend, my grandmother came back home. She’s spent a few months in Georgia with some of her other children and family. As awesome as it is for her to go visit, get away for awhile, and spend time with them we really missed her! Two of my uncle’s brought her down so it was nice to get to spend time with them this weekend too. 

School has been good. I was caught up in a few back to back exams so I spent a lot of time with my nose in a book. That or taking notes, and practicing essays. This in turn left me feeling very...anxious. Thankfully, this past Saturday was filled with projects to help me “shake it off”. I did a mass load of laundry. Rearranged the workout/storage room. I set up the basics of my husband’s new “man cave”. There are still some things we have to get for it. I gave our “first born” a bath, and then finally moved Emery’s crib into our room. Lots of dusting, sweeping, and mopping. It was awesome! I really felt like I was getting everything ready for winter. This next weekend, I’m doing another clothes haul! I’ll be sending some stuff to my cousin and the rest to H.O.P.E. Needless to say, I’ve been feeling very productive.

I’m still heartbroken over the news about Keegan. And as much as I wish that I could make all these sick kids better, I know that I can’t. So, I just hope that every single one of them has the best time while here. Whether it be a few months, or a lifetime. I pray that they feel comfort and love no matter what. And now, I hope everyone has a safe and wonderful Halloween!! 

It Was Suppose To Be...

Today was suppose to be a good day. 

Recently, I deleted my caringbridge app on my iPhone because, I was so depressed. I still checked on them online. I just couldn't have it right there on my phone 24/7. I got so attached. I cried, and I got angry. I felt as if I was related to all of those kids. In some ways I put myself in their mothers shoes. And I lived my daily life constantly worried. Worried that any day, it could be Emery. I cried.

So, I decided to take a bit of a break. My heart just couldn't handle so much death. And all of them so young. Babies even. YOUNGER than Emery. All gone because of some stupid piece of shit disease. For every one survivor there seemed to be four deaths. So, I stopped. Maybe that’s cowardly, and I can’t imagine what those moms are going through but I just had to take a breath. I had to stop, and spend a little time in my oblivious world, enjoying my baby girl.

But today, on my own damn birthday, I read this. I’d been following this family for awhile, and only recently had I stopped checking on her blog because of being so busy with school. But today I saw a post on Facebook from the Layla Grace Foundation and I felt like I had been slapped with a ton of bricks. So I immediately went over to her blog and read her update. The air was knocked right out of me. Then, I saw this:

Peek-a-Boo! from Keegansmommy09 on Vimeo.

And I cried. This little baby, was given a few months to as little as a few weeks left to live. That’s it. That’s IT?? THAT CAN’T BE FUCKING IT! I feel so hurt. I feel so damn angry. I can’t imagine what Beth is feeling right now. All I want to do is cry and make it all go away. I want to make him better. I want for him to be a giggly two year old and have him grow up to be an old man with a wife, and grandchildren. I want him to have a life. That’s how I feel about all of them. That’s how it’s suppose to be. But for some damn reason, it won’t happen. And this really really pisses me off.

FUCK!

This was suppose to be a good day. They were suppose to get good news.

Twenty-Four

Today, I turn twenty four. Happy Birthday to ME! Ha! I’ve been blessed with a year of happiness, sadness, life, great health, good friends, and a wonderful family. Age has never bothered me, and I hope I do it gracefully. So here I am, twenty four years old and finally getting my things in order. I couldn’t be happier.

So here’s to me! May I get another wonderful year!