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Yesterday was my birthday. The calendar at work just said "Raquel's Birthday- Bring Wine, Set it on Her Desk, Move Along." Though my coworkers were having none of that. And since it's work, legally, they can't bring me wine. So, instead they brought me a chocolate lover's cake, along with fudge swirl ice cream, and another coworker brought in a huge chocolate chunk cookie. So, I indulged.  Life is good. 

All laughs aside, twenty eight is a scary number for me. I'm two years away from reaching thirty and I feel like my life is this one big question mark. I feel like twenty seven was just a blur, and it had a lot of unhappiness. Not directly related to one thing or another, just this huge feeling of unfulfilled wants/needs. I've grown a lot this passed year, and it's almost become claustrophobic in away. I want to dream big and accomplish so much, and "twenty eight" is just a representation of how much time I've been given that's resulted in no progress. For one step forward I seem to take three leaps back. And that's pretty frustrating.

Twenty seven was also a time for me to fully accept that I won't be having another child. I had always wanted to have two children, but that slowly changed as Em got older. Coming from someone who wanted a bigger family because she knew first hand how amazing it was to grow up with a sibling that decision wasn't easy, or pleasant. It was the responsible one. Knowing that doesn't make the heartbreak any easier though. This passed year brought on a lot of enlightenment too. I seem to have more realistic goals, and I'm trying my best to just let go of what's out of my control. A lot of the inner turmoil I have going on is in respect to myself as an individual. As a mom I think I'm doing a pretty good job so far. Now that I'm studying at a local university, I've had a lot more time with Em which I've really enjoyed. The full force of just how much I had been missing out on impacted me the first time I was able to tuck her in on a night I normally would have still been making my way home. You don't realize how much you're sacrificing. Obviously, it's for a good reason, but that doesn't change the fact that there's always a loss in order to gain.

Twenty seven was a time of denial too. It's been an excuse to put a lot of things to the side that should have been front and center the entire time. I made a lot of mistakes, and I brushed things off. I told myself it was all for the best, when in the back of my mind I knew that it was just something I said in order to make myself feel better. Lesson's learned though. So twenty seven wasn't all bad. I've grown as a woman, as a mother, as a wife. I know that things are never constant or certain, and I'm learning to be better at accepting that. Yesterday, on my birthday I decided to wake up and be happy. I decided to be patient, to be kind, and to smile at everyone I saw. I turned the radio up on my way home, and I sang along. I let twenty eight kick off with a good day. Though it's about to get a bit more rough for us soon. Right now I'm in the middle of some pretty drastic changes. I've also looked into an opportunity for next year through my university that didn't seem realistic at first, but now it looks like their might be a bit of hope after all. Once things have settled a bit I'll talk more about it, but right now I just need time to adjust. Time to be okay with what's ahead and move forward with it. 

So here's to twenty eight...let's see what you've got. 

We Ran A Race

In September Em brought home a flyer/sign up sheet for a 5K & 1 Mile Color Fun Run. She asked if we could sign up. "Sure! We can do the mile if you want!" was my reply. I placed that thought in the back of my head, because surely she'd forget all about it within the next few weeks. So, I forgot about it and we went about our lives. In that time we flew out to Georgia, which I'll write about later, for my cousin's wedding. It was a wonderful time and I'm super stoked that we were able to go. (p.s. If you have a flight coming up, and haven't tried Southwest, do it! They were awesome!) Then we came home the Tuesday before the race, and what do you know? The little had still remembered the race. On Wednesday she came home from school talking about how excited she was to get to be in a color run. And with that I begrudgingly made my way onto the closest computer in order to sign us up for the run. It was $53 guys, and that's a lot of money to fork over for me, especially when it's just to run outside. But it would be a memory. Our first ever race together! And after a nice little chat with my sisters I was reaffirmed of my decision.

Neither I nor the little had actually trained for this. I figured since it was just a mile it wouldn't be too bad. FYI: I've been out of the gym scene for awhile now. And since she's pretty active, constantly going-going, I didn't feel like it'd be too hard for her either. Worst case, we'd walk it. When race day finally came it was just our luck that it was cold out. Apparently, a nice little cold front had made it's way into our lovely little neighboring town just in time for the race start. But that didn't deter us. Em put on a sweater, and off we went.  

Olivia met us at the start and was able to take pictures for us which I'm really grateful for! Thanks, Liv! We set off a little over 5 minutes after the 5K runners. And we had to stop once because my shoe came untied. But let me tell you, the kiddo rocked it! At one point there were some boys around her age that sped off in front of us. They giggled at Em, and one of them mentioned something along the lines of not being beat by a girl. As we made the turn around, Em looked at them and then back at me. "Go ahead. I'll be right beside you." I told her. And we were off! We rounded the corner and passed all of those boys. She had a huge grin on her face as we left them behind, and in that moment I knew exactly how she felt. That sense of accomplishment, and being able to show someone that a girl CAN beat you is pretty freakin' awesome. We came around the final color corner, and after we were doused with more color she slowed her pace a bit. She asked if it were much farther because she felt like walking. When I pointed over to the finish line she looked at me and said "Oh! We can do that." She kicked it back up and we were off on the home stretch.

We finished in just over ten minutes. I think that's a pretty awesome time for us two. Neither of us had gone running in awhile so this was our chance to stretch our legs again. I'm sure we could have made it sooner, but as I said before I had to stop to tie my shoe. Also, on the roundabout we had to wait for the ones a head of us to clear it first. But we both really enjoyed it. After we were done with the race Em was walking around, rolling on the floor, and declaring that she'd never do that again. Her tune changed within a few hours though. Afterwards we made our way to a local little restaurant a few blocks over with Olivia to enjoy some breakfast. That pretty much put the cherry on top of a pretty cool morning. And that ladies and gents, was our first ever race together. I really hope we can do more of these as the years go by. It was actually a lot of fun being able to do something that we've both enjoyed doing individually. And I was right, it was probably the best $53 I've spent in a long time. :)

p.s. The credit for all of these (minus the first one) goes to Olivia! She captured some pretty great moments for us, and I can't wait to get them all printed out.

Hi, Hello!

Whoa, it's already the middle of September! I'd like to say that "time flies when you're having fun", which is true, though it's not entirely my case at the moment. We have been really busy! School for both Em & myself started on August 24th. I take two face-to-face and two online. This is my first time being back at school for a "full-time" schedule. Em started Kindergarten so this is her first time at a school that has more than three classrooms and 6 teachers total. We've had a pretty decent run so far, nothing too major, though some days have been hard in terms of getting ourselves ready on time.We always make it though. She's also taking gymnastic classes every Thursday so by Friday she's pretty tuckered out. Whoa, I totally just said tuckered. Anyway, so far she likes her teachers and she's making new friends! It's been really interesting to hear the stories she comes home with, and to see how excited she gets when they're able to do certain things. I'm really glad that we chose this school (we transferred her to a school closer to my work rather than our home) because she's still able to see some of the kids she went to preschool with, and I think that made her transition a lot smoother.

I, on the other hand, have just been really stressed out about my classes. Not only was it a rough start transferring over to this University (my application was not found, financial aid was not showing up, books were a week late, etc. etc.), but these classes are a lot bigger. The student to teacher ratio is a bit insane, though I've heard it's worse at other major Universities. I was lucky to get evening classes, and so far they've been great. I had my first major exam on Tuesday, and I'm still really nervous about the outcome. We won't find out how we did until next week. It's been an adjustment, and I'm really trying my hardest to stay on top of all the assignments. It's helped that we have a professor who had pretty much opened all quizzes, assignments, and exams with due dates being on the last day of class. Not having regular due dates lets me chip at that class a little at a time during the week. So yeah, fingers crossed I do well this semester.

Recently, the only thing I've been dreaming of is a vacation. I know in my "real" life this is daily topic. I'm also pretty sure I've mentioned it here on this blog too.  A plane ticket, a beach somewhere, some peace and quiet. Ahhhh. What I would give for one of those. Now, even though this isn't technically a family vacation, we will be traveling out of state and it will be to see some family. A cousin of mine, my best friend growing up, is getting MARRIED! So on the 23rd we will be flying out to Georgia for a week. I'm excited to be able to go, and consider myself pretty lucky to be able to take the time off from work. Though on the flip side to that coin, sadly, my husband will not be joining us on this trip due to his work obligations. We will be traveling with my parents, as well as some other family members all on the same flight! You're welcome, Southwest Airlines! Emery's excited to get to fly again and even though it's not to the beach she's still thrilled to be getting on a plane again. This will be our first time flying Southwest, and I'm a little nervous about it. I've been told we won't be able to pick our seats, and I have no idea how they go about doing check-ins. Add that to us flying out of an airport I've never flown out of before, and my anxiety peaks a bit just at the thought. Thankfully, we've all arranged to travel up together, and to get there earlier than the recommended hour before flight. And for the price of the flights, nonstop, I'd say we can handle whatever gets tossed in our direction. 

So that's about all that's new for now. You know, I always talk about posting more and trying to be consistent. Lately, I've been paying less time to the technological world and more to the time I have at home with my family. I'm sure everyone else out there is doing the same! So, this time around I won't make promises or even plan for the next post. I'll write to y'all when I write to y'all! Hope everyone is having a wonderful start to fall though! Until the next post. :)