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Yesterday was my birthday. The calendar at work just said "Raquel's Birthday- Bring Wine, Set it on Her Desk, Move Along." Though my coworkers were having none of that. And since it's work, legally, they can't bring me wine. So, instead they brought me a chocolate lover's cake, along with fudge swirl ice cream, and another coworker brought in a huge chocolate chunk cookie. So, I indulged.  Life is good. 

All laughs aside, twenty eight is a scary number for me. I'm two years away from reaching thirty and I feel like my life is this one big question mark. I feel like twenty seven was just a blur, and it had a lot of unhappiness. Not directly related to one thing or another, just this huge feeling of unfulfilled wants/needs. I've grown a lot this passed year, and it's almost become claustrophobic in away. I want to dream big and accomplish so much, and "twenty eight" is just a representation of how much time I've been given that's resulted in no progress. For one step forward I seem to take three leaps back. And that's pretty frustrating.

Twenty seven was also a time for me to fully accept that I won't be having another child. I had always wanted to have two children, but that slowly changed as Em got older. Coming from someone who wanted a bigger family because she knew first hand how amazing it was to grow up with a sibling that decision wasn't easy, or pleasant. It was the responsible one. Knowing that doesn't make the heartbreak any easier though. This passed year brought on a lot of enlightenment too. I seem to have more realistic goals, and I'm trying my best to just let go of what's out of my control. A lot of the inner turmoil I have going on is in respect to myself as an individual. As a mom I think I'm doing a pretty good job so far. Now that I'm studying at a local university, I've had a lot more time with Em which I've really enjoyed. The full force of just how much I had been missing out on impacted me the first time I was able to tuck her in on a night I normally would have still been making my way home. You don't realize how much you're sacrificing. Obviously, it's for a good reason, but that doesn't change the fact that there's always a loss in order to gain.

Twenty seven was a time of denial too. It's been an excuse to put a lot of things to the side that should have been front and center the entire time. I made a lot of mistakes, and I brushed things off. I told myself it was all for the best, when in the back of my mind I knew that it was just something I said in order to make myself feel better. Lesson's learned though. So twenty seven wasn't all bad. I've grown as a woman, as a mother, as a wife. I know that things are never constant or certain, and I'm learning to be better at accepting that. Yesterday, on my birthday I decided to wake up and be happy. I decided to be patient, to be kind, and to smile at everyone I saw. I turned the radio up on my way home, and I sang along. I let twenty eight kick off with a good day. Though it's about to get a bit more rough for us soon. Right now I'm in the middle of some pretty drastic changes. I've also looked into an opportunity for next year through my university that didn't seem realistic at first, but now it looks like their might be a bit of hope after all. Once things have settled a bit I'll talk more about it, but right now I just need time to adjust. Time to be okay with what's ahead and move forward with it. 

So here's to twenty eight...let's see what you've got. 

2015

I'm a little late with this, I know, BUT it's better late than never I right? Well, 2014 came to an end, and it felt like a huge sigh of relief for me. The good kind. We'd had a lot of ups and downs this past year and it really felt like this chapter was ready to come to a close. Emery has done amazing with all of the changes that come with preschool. I had a wonderful winter break before my last full semester at the community college. My husband, celebrated his one year anniversary at his job, which we were thrilled over. We've worked on our relationship, and even though we still have so much more to go I feel like we're finally headed in the right direction. To me, 2014 was just this rough time that we had to get through in order to start 2015 with a bang! And boy did we.

Emery had a two-week vacation from school, and we are currently filling out the transfer paperwork in order to have her be able to attend a school with kids she knows next fall. We've looked over the data for the schools in our town, and the ones for the surrounding areas. So far, the better school would be in the same town that she currently attends preschool, and she's made a lot of friends there so we're hoping that would help in her transition to kindergarten. They have the best test scores and graduating rates than any of the other schools surrounding us. Currently, she's pretty excited to start school full time, and I'm hoping to lessen the shock by having her in a class with kids she already knows. Fingers are crossed that they accept our request. If they don't, we are prepared to fill out the forms to have her attend the local private school as a last resort. 

As I stated before we celebrated my husband's one year anniversary at his job at the end of the year. They've been good to my husband, and they've allowed him to grow within the company. However, he recently was offered another job, provided that we are able to get his regular license at the end of this week. Or at least start the process going. The position won't be open for another two weeks or so, but he was offered ahead of time. This job is something new, and a little scary for him, It's in a field he knows very little about, and it requires him to be away from home a lot, but the pay is really great. It would help us out tremendously, and finally, allow us to get out from under the remainder of our debt a lot faster. We've discussed the pros and cons, and with the gas prices dropping, we aren't really sure he should jump in without a backup plan. However, this person has assured us that there will be plenty of work for a very long time. This offer doesn't come around every day, so my husband has decided to go ahead and jump right in. Prayers/ good vibes sent our way would be awesome! I've already told him that I'd support any decision he makes and he says that he's wanting to take this chance. So, we'll no more within a week or two.

I was given a wonderful new position at my current place of employment. I'm officially the Customer Service Manager, but I'm also in training to become the Office Manager in order to take over my current boss' position. This place has been such a blessing for me. They've allowed me to grow within the company as well as allowed me to adjust my schedule in order to attend my classes. This week is also my official last semester at college before transferring to our local University. After allowing my GPA to drop dramatically, after hitting some rough spots in our personal life, I've finally got it back up to a 3.0, which allows me to qualify for plenty of scholarships this fall. I finally got my membership to a local gym set up, and I've been working on getting back to a fit lifestyle. I've even signed up to take kickboxing classes which is something I've always wanted to do, but never really found the time to follow through. My husband and I finally came to terms with the fact that this will probably be our permanent residence unless something really drastic happens. So far we both have great jobs, and we're able to chip away at debt. We have a good support system here, and it helps us out a lot. As much as we'd hope to one day move back to California, I've come to realize that I'm more concerned with the stability of our family than the dreams of moving back. Besides, it's not like we can't go back for visits! Or maybe go visit someplace new! Who knows!? Right now though, we are good here. And I'm perfectly happy with that. 

So yes, after the end of 2014, I finally feel like we are moving forward. And it's such a great feeling! I hope everyone else out there has had a wonderful start to the new year! May it bring many blessings to you and your family!