Rain on Red

 So this morning, I was feeling like my whole weekend had gone by way too fast. A blur. Last night was the first night that EMERY slept through most of!! I didn't even get to sleep in and enjoy it, I had to get up early to go to work. And I was really dreading having to go back to work. I feel like I'd rather watch paint dry or hear nails on a chalkboard. Yea...that bad! So when I got to work, I started on my daily "duties" and already the clock seemed like it was dragging. Then one of the ladies went to get the mail and handed me a bunch of stuff (not unusual). In that pile, I had one addressed to me, from my friend Julie.

A little about Julie and my attachment to her first:

I'll start by saying, I love her! She kept me sane when she worked here. Then she moved and only worked remotely (I felt like a child having her favorite toy taken away from her). I was so sad at first, but even though she was in OKLAHOMA, I was still able to get several phone conversations a week. Which believe me, I needed. Finally, she cut the cord permanently by quitting. I was totally happy for her because this place kind of sucks you dry emotionally (even when you work remotely). But at the same time, I was sad because I felt like the one person (besides my mother) that worked here who actually liked me was leaving me. But as she once said "It's time to put your big girl panties on" and so I am making do. LOL! 

She is a mother of three beautiful girls and by far one of the coolest moms I've known! Who else gives their daughters dance team Cherry Chapstick after hearing Katy Perry's "I Kissed A Girl" ?! Ok, laugh, because you know it's funny!! The woman is not afraid to pursue her goals or dreams! She's also very passionate about the things she does. Her husband definitely got lucky! Her family always comes first, and if you mess with that, look out! She juggles her children's schedule, her work schedule, her husband's schedule, and ALWAYS manages to have EXTRA time. She makes it look as if it's natural. No big deal, she totally has everything under control. I still have yet to learn her secret, but she gave me a clue: balance. I also think those eight diet dr. peppers she has daily add to the mix but I'm not entirely sure how. LOL! She taught me that you can be a bitch(in a non-prude; non-whiny way), and wear the title proudly. She taught me that I can't let myself get pushed around, because no matter what I am just as good as everyone else. She sat through so many of my rants, my whiny "boo hoo I have to be an adult" complaints, and last but not least my constant marriage crisis's. Ah, those lovely times. She gave me plenty of advice, and plenty of what I call "Julie Pep Talks"! She also showed me that sometimes you just have to say "CRAAAAAP" and move along. But, most importantly she taught me to keep swimming and to laugh.

So with all of that, you now get that Julie is definitely someone I hold in very high regards. She's one of my favorite people! So today when I found the envelope with her name on it, I knew that I'd enjoy whatever was in it. And sure enough, I found two pictures with a quote on them! One was in the shape of a postcard that read:

People want to be appreciated, 

not impressed.

The want to be regarded 

as human beings,

not as sounding boards 

for other people's egos.

They want to be treated

as an end in themselves,

not as a means toward 

the gratification of

another's vanity.

Sydney Harris

Totally made my day!! She has these quotes printed on pictures that she takes herself! She is a photographer, among other things, and she's really good. She took our family pictures when Emery was born. And I absolutely loved them! She's getting started with her "Sassy Spirit Quotes" shop on Etsy now, so you should all go check them out!! The first picture is one of the two I received! I have a link to her blog on the right side of my page, you can search Etsy for Sassy Spirit Quotes, and you can find her on Facebook as well! Drop her a line, buy something, and show some support! 

p/s Before Emery was born she'd embroidered a burp rag to read "Team Edward" and a small pillow that reads "Twilight" for me! They both came out wonderful! If you ask nicely, she might have something she could do for you too!

Air Force

Ok, so I work at a dead end job with a bunch of people I have NOTHING in common with. The few that I do like talking to, I am not allowed to associate with. I want to get out of this place because I feel like I'm slowly suffocating. I am about $3,000 in debt and I make less than $450 EVERY two weeks! I try to pay, but I don't ever have enough money left over so I just get set back even more.

A friend of mine joined the Marines and has come down for a visit. When he told me how much he was making, I was pretty jealous. Another friend of ours joined the Navy, and when I heard how much he makes, and how his wife is a stay at home mom and had their child for free (I have to pay $1,500), I was WAY jealous!! So for a little while, my husband thought he should join the Navy. Which I completely would have supported him in, BUT he had some major doubts and he would be doing it solely for the college money. Which I don't believe anyone should do. I think you have to go in knowing that you could go to war, and if you're ok with that then sign on up. Just thinking about having to take orders, wear a uniform, or even get deployed was making him sick. He's completely against the military and war. So, this is what I told him: "If you're going to do this, make sure that THIS is what YOU want. Because if you're going to be miserable then you'll start to blame me for it and possibly resent us for "making" you choose that life." In the end, the Navy made the decision for us. Because of his record and because of his license problem they could not accept him. Crisis averted.

Then, I got to thinking...Well, why don't I join the military? Why not the air force? My husband's first reaction was "I don't think so, what if they send you away and you get killed?? I can not let you do that!" Then he switched on his male ego "This is not right, if anyone is going to join the military it should be me. I should be the one providing for our family, and I should be the one making the sacrifices. I'll do it so you don't have to, and I'll learn to love it." But I know my husband all too well, and doing something he hated would make him miserable. And when he's miserable he takes it out on everyone involved (I blame that on his mother). Plus, they already said he can not be accepted. So, I told him I wasn't joining right now, but it was just an option I was looking into.

I've been working at my current job, going on three years, and it's been MISERABLE. I hate it. But, I have to do it because we need the money. So why not join something that will probably be hard and dangerous, but that pays really well, AND pays for you to go to school?? I started to weigh the pros and cons and so far this is what I have come up with:

Pros:
Sign on bonus of $13,000 depending on your career choice.
Paid schooling
30 days of PAID vacation each year
HOUSING/ UTILITIES paid for
Food allowance
College fund for my daughter
TAX FREE retirement money
Paid relocation for my entire family
If I join now (depending on the sign on length) I would be out by the time Emery was 5.

Cons:
Boot camp is two months
Would at some point, get deployed for MONTHS at a time (I would be missing a lot in my daughters life)
I could get killed

Then there's the "Reserves" option which sounds nice too, but there's so much that I have to look into before making any decision. And it's a hard one. Everyone talks really good about it, but I know that there are more cons than what I have listed. Those are just the ones I have become aware of in the one day I spent researching it. I honestly wish there was a way for me to do all of this and stay in the US for the whole time. I am a chicken shit when it comes to thinking about warfare. I have trouble with living in Texas because its so hot! Can you imagine me in the middle east? God, I think I'd die because of the heat! I like the idea of serving my country, but man, there are some mighty big consequences attached. And to have to miss so much of my daughters first years, or possibly not get to see her grow up. I don't know if I can bring myself to do that...?

So, I am going to pray about this. I am going to try and get myself into shape just in case, lose some weight, and really really think about this before I do anything. I hope that if this is not what God's plan is, that he opens up a door for me to let me know otherwise.

All of My Pictures are Gone

I bought our new computer back in January, and when I did I burned all of my pictures from our old computer onto CD’s so I could transfer them over. They all said that they had burned and I was so busy packing stuff and getting ready for my move that I just put the CD’s up and deleted everything off of our old computer.

Well, last week, I finally found the box that had all of those pictures, and I started to transfer the ones that I wanted. When I got to the last two CD’s, which had pictures of me, my brother, my family, old friends, and old parties the CD’s read blank!!! I went to my parent's house and looked at our old computer, only to see that it had been messed with and the recycle bin had been emptied out. So there went all 1,000 pictures!! All of them gone because I was stupid enough to not check the CDs. My mother said that they’d check with a “computer specialist” and see if they could dig them up from our hard drive, but I’ve read on a lot of sites that if you’ve used the computer from the time you lost the pictures that they are probably overwritten. Making them impossible to retrieve. My uncle used the computer A LOT.

I still can’t believe those pictures are all gone. My younger years were all documented through those pictures and now they are gone forever. It’s really, really sad. And I’m sure as soon as that specialist confirms that all hope is lost, I will break down and cry. I am such a sap, I know. But, what am I going to show Emery now? I needed proof to show her (when she’s older) that I’ve been through it. I was this rock and roll chic once, I didn’t always look like a mommy. I was young once too. And now, I got nothing.