My Eye-Opening Experience When Deactivating Facebook

As some of you may, or may not know, I’m Catholic. March 6th was the beginning of Lent for us, and it had honestly been a while since I’d participated in giving anything up for it. I know, I know. So, this year as I sat in the pew for Ash Wednesday mass I decided that I would go through with deactivating Facebook. This would be the thing I would give up. Though I hardly ever post or share things on that platform I still use it as a way to kill time. A distraction. And it would just send me into this rabbit hole of pictures, and articles. Of drama and hate. Everyone having this need to express their opinions about every little thing, and just having to stick their noses in everyone else’s business. I found that I missed the old days of Facebook when you had very few options to select for how you were feeling and were limited on what you could share. And just like the majority of all the other social media outlets out there, Facebook had become downright toxic. So, I downloaded my data and went through with the deactivation. It felt oddly terrifying and yet extremely freeing at the same time. However, what I didn’t expect out of this particular move was realizing just how much Facebook had given me this false notion that I had several friendships/relationships in my life. 

Facebook as a whole, I haven’t really missed if I’m being honest. I still use other social media platforms like Twitter, Tumblr, and Instagram so maybe that’s why? Though these are limited in time, and not used daily I still have an “outlet”. The reason why I don’t feel like these others are at the same level as Facebook is because of how seldom I actually use them. Twitter is how I keep up to date on TV shows, movies, books, and some of my favorite bands or celebrities. I follow some organizations or causes that are dear to my heart too. My blog automatically posts to my timeline, but I honestly don’t get much out of Twitter. Tumblr is where I reblog/share quotes, pictures, and GIFs. I don’t interact with others on it, and my desire to spend time on the app comes and goes in waves. For real, it sat without any use for over a year once. So, I don’t use this particular platform very often. Instagram is probably the runner up behind Facebook. It’s actually an app that I’ve considered deleting because of how crappy it can make you feel about your life. Instead, I went through my “following” list and deleted over a hundred people. And that was just the first round of deletions. However, even now as I type this out I know that I’m just making excuses. Baby steps, y’all. But my Facebook use was a daily thing. Sure I may not have posted much, and I may not have interacted with others that often. But I was constantly opening and scrolling through it. Anytime I was bored --> Facebook. Anytime I heard an ambulance, fire truck, or police sirens --> Facebook. Anytime I or someone else wanted to find out about another person --> Facebook. And then there was the stuff that I didn’t want to know about still splashed all over my feed. By the time I ended my day I just felt annoyed by it all. So, why was I still using it? I told myself it was because of family and friends. It’s how I “kept in touch” with the people in my life. But really, that was a load of bullshit. I could just as easily get their numbers and keep in contact via phone calls or texts. 

After a few days without Facebook, I noticed that I felt bored a lot. I’d end up logging into one of the other apps and using them to distract myself. I’d quickly scroll through the feeds before telling myself I needed to do something more productive. After five days without Facebook, it dawned on me that not one single person had tried to contact me. By day seven I started thinking about how many of my “friends” I actually thought and wondered about. And to be honest, there wasn’t a whole lot. That’s when it really hit me just how little I actually interacted with others, face to face. How I felt like I had so many friends based on comments left when I would post on my timeline, the likes on my pictures, or the messages I would get. The friend count number displayed on my profile. In my real, day -to- day life I see maybe two or three people off of my friends' list. Not including my parents. And even those aren’t consistent unless you count coworkers. So, all of this got me thinking about my lack of true, meaningful, relationships. I don’t have a core group of friends close by. I do have a group spread all across the country though. I’ve tried getting to know other moms at birthday parties or school activities, but it never goes beyond that. There’s no one I can call up and say, “Hey, let's do lunch!” or “Let’s grab dinner.” I even went through my phone contacts list which verified all of this. Now, as I’ve gotten older I know that I tend to dislike being around a lot of people for long periods of time. My idea of a good time usually consists of yoga pants, a hoodie, and watching a favorite show. I’ve grown so accustomed to going home and having someone there that I truly believed was the only person I needed in my life that I didn’t really bother making an effort to get to know other people. And at my age, in such a small town, all of the “circles” out there have already been established. Tribes are full and busy. It becomes harder to find like-minded people that are in the same phase in life as you are who are willing to make time for someone new.

So, what exactly am I trying to say, you ask? Find your people, y’all. Nourish those relationships. Join that book club. Say yes to a girl’s night. Check on your friends if it’s been awhile. Put your phone down and listen. Volunteer to watch a friend’s kid(s) so that they can have some alone time with their partner. Try that fitness class you’ve been curious about. Schedule those lunch plans. Be open to including others in your circle and extend invitations. Because as awesome as it is to have a partner that’s your best friend in life it’s also good to have friendships outside of that. Otherwise, you end up like me: getting a whole weekend to yourself, never once changing out of your PJ’s, and counting down the minutes until your child gets back home just so you have someone to talk to. Yes, let my current situation serve as a cautionary tale for you. I think for the most part I handle being on my own pretty well. Though there are times when I wish I had someone I could call up even if it was just to have a simple conversation, or to go for a walk around the neighborhood. Maybe even a running buddy? And then there are some days when being alone can make me feel really lonely. During those days I feel like my anxiety gets the better of me and it takes me a lot longer to push past my depression. I eventually get there and start to feel better. But I think it would help if I had a few good friends here that I could lean on from time to time. Not knocking my BFF's either, I know they'd be here if they could. So, I guess what I'm trying to say is don’t shut people out so quickly, okay? And if you ever feel like re-evaluating some of your relationships/friendships just deactivate your Facebook for a while. Shit gets really real, really fast. 

📷: Google image search