Clutter Can Cause Anxiety So This Means I’m Not (THAT) Crazy

Recently, I’ve had this urge to just purge everything in my house. I’m tired of it all. The dishes, tupperware, clothes, bed sheets, shoes, purses, and blankets. I have no idea how we accumulate so much stuff. 

👏Get. 👏It. 👏Out. 👏Of. 👏My. 👏House. 

It’s weird, but it always feels like no matter how much stuff I get rid of, it’s never enough. I also feel like as soon as I get done cleaning I’ll turn around, and there’s a mess again. I’m a mom, so I understand that our house won’t always be pristine. I know that life gets busy, and we won't always have time to clean up. But still, when I see the dishes stacked on the drying rack rather than being put up in the cabinets my palms get a little sweaty. If I take a peek at my closet, and see the that the hangers are lightly dusted with dust from lack of use I get this inner twitch. When I can’t see the floor of my closet because there are too many shoes I sigh, and shut the door while feeling this dread in the pit of my stomach. And then there are the days when I see clothes randomly thrown over the couch, or left on the bathroom floor that make my anxiety kick into high gear. This is usually when I get really annoyed, and I start to rage clean because if I don’t I get into this horrible downer mood. It’s pretty exhausting and happens about twice a week.

current picture of my living room

For the most part, I thought this was just a product of being brought up in a family that cleaned our home from top to bottom twice a week. A household that had to wash dishes, and throw in a load of laundry every other evening. So, basically what I really mean is that I blamed my mom for the neat freak urges. Yup, mami, this is all your fault. But then I came across an article over on ScaryMommy titled “Proof that Clutter Causes Anxiety”, and suddenly I didn’t feel so alone. There are other people out there like me, y’all! I feel like if I don’t start cleaning or tidying up every time I walk through the front door of my house I go into panic mode. I honestly feel like fleeing the house, and never looking back. Or throwing everything in the yard, and setting it on fire. Easy Raquel, that’s borderline pyro status. Some days are worse than others, and to be honest there are days when I just don't give a shit. So, I consider that an improvement. But it doesn't mean that on those days I still don't let out a frustrated groan, or have to tell myself that the world isn't going to end if I don't clean. This post made me feel  like my neat freakness wasn't as uncommon as I thought. And then after finishing that particular article, I came across another one. I mean it’s as if this lady was taking the words right out of my mouth! She really gets me! She understands the struggle, and knee-jerk reaction to start putting things into order.

And just like she states in her original post, “My reaction is physical, something I don’t feel like I can control. When I look out at the mess, I feel a pounding in my head. I feel the nerves under my skin start to bristle.” That is exactly how I've felt for years! When there is a lot of clutter, or things are overflowing I start to feel anxious. Like everything is on the brink of chaos, and if I don’t start cleaning everything will just spin out of control. Now, just like she mentions there are times when we let things slide. For example, when I’ve had a long day and get home around 8pm then I let it go. When I have to do school work or help my daughter with her homework I let it go. When I just feel like I don’t have time to get everything done in one go, or my daughter wants to get messy and make crafts then I let it go. But it wasn't always like this. It took time for me to relax a bit. Before that, I was constantly fixated on cleaning. And what made keeping a clean home even harder for me was that I lived with someone who didn’t have an issue with clutter. Someone who let the dishes stack up, or left a trail of clothes down the hallway as they made their way into the bathroom. Someone who left empty wrappers on couches, or dirty cups on the floor by the couch. That was something he got from his upbringing I believe. His home life growing up wasn't as structured as mine. So, just trying to pick up after my husband was a battle of its own. One that I seemed to lose more often than win. 

So yea, maybe my need for control in a world full of uncertainty is to blame for the anxiety I get when my house is a mess. Maybe some of this can be partially blamed on my upbringing too. Or maybe I’m just a nutjob? All I know is that whatever the cause, I’m glad that I’m learning to let it go more often. Within reason. And I’m really relieved to find out I’m not the only one out there who feels like this. The struggle is real, y’all. So, power to those of you that are fighting through clutter induced anxiety on the daily. I feel you. For you. I get where you're coming from. So no worries, okay? There are a lot of us out here in the world, and it's totally okay!