Preschool

Yesterday was Emery's first day of preschool. I woke up at 5:30 am, and just held on to her as tightly as I could without waking her. I stared at her little features; those cheeks and the button nose. I gently counted her little fingers and toes. I watched as she made some of the same faces in her sleep as she did when she was a baby. God, I wanted to stay in that moment forever.  To me, this is the true beginning of change. It's also the reality that my daughter is really growing up. Now I'm not a crazy person that truly believes her daughter would stay little forever. That's not what I'm really mourning (at least I don't think it is). What is really hitting me is that all of those little moments and milestones have come and gone. There is no more going back, and we're about to hit the ground running. Full speed ahead. You see, when she was three months I was comforted by knowing that she would still be in that "baby state" for a few more months at the least. I'd get to enjoy it longer. Now, she's changing and growing in so many different ways...daily. She's losing those baby features too. And of course children always need their parents, but I had to ask her twice to let me get her dressed for school. To which she replied "Ugh. Mooom. I can do it by myself." Well, I know you can kid, but just let mom do it one last time. FYI: She did!  So there I was, having an itty bitty pity party for myself when I whispered "It's your first day of school, little." She sprang up from bed with a "MOM! It's my first day of school! I have to get dressed! We can't be late mom!! Hurry!" I don't think I've ever had such a quick morning in my life. She brushed her teeth, found her shoes, and had her back pack ready to go well before it was time to leave. She grabbed the keys, and all but shoved me out the door. When we arrived at her school we had about 10 minutes before early care started. So, I went over how she needed to be nice to the other kids. Tackling someone just to sit on them was a no-no. Listen to the teachers. Try not to be rude. Please let an adult know if you need to go potty. etc, etc. As we walked in, she greeted everyone with a "Good morning!" or a "Hello!" I turned in her completed admissions paper work, and walked with her to the early care room. I said goodbye, and she gave me a kiss. As I walked away she said "Love you, mom." I made it to the parking lot before shedding some tears. 

Since my father doesn't work during the week he'll be the one to pick her up on the days she has school. But it being her first day and all I decided to meet him there to show him how to sign her out. I also wanted to see how her first day had gone. Once we arrived I was  informed by one of her teachers that there were a few tears in early care after I had left. Is it completely horrible that I was a teeny tiny bit glad about this? But they quickly dissipated once she was taken into her regular room (the one she spent time in at the teacher meet/greet). I was told she did really well, and was very interactive with all of the other kids. When I asked her about her day she quickly told me about the crying. Then just as quickly she stated she would not cry the next time because it wasn't so bad. She had plenty of stories to share and let me know that she made friends. This is completely bittersweet to me. I am so proud of her, and I cannot wait to see how much she accomplishes and learns this year. Getting to see my little girl grow, and learn is a really amazing experience! It's a blessing that I'm thankful for each and every day. And yet, I can't help but feel this small tug on my heart that's reminding me: This is it. This is the first and last time that she'll be just like this. Tomorrow she'll be a little bit more different. I wish I could prolong it. I wish I could pause it just for a few moments. Or bottle it up to carry it with me always. However, since that's out of the question, I'll just have to learn to pay extra close attention. I'll have to make sure that I don't miss a single thing as Emery embarks on her new adventure.