Where'd My Baby Go?

Since my husband is working, and very rarely gets time off, Emery and I spend a lot of time together. But to a three year old, how exciting can running errands really be? So, every now and then I like to do something a little extra special for her. Whether it be an ice cream trip, visiting the local flea market, or walking around the park, I like to get some quality one-on-one time with her. I know this might sound horrible, but sometimes I get caught up in so many other things that I miss out on really hearing my daughter. I wish this weren't the case, but every day stress kind of kicks my ass sometimes.

So, last Sunday I took Emery to go watch Epic in 3D for a day date. When we have this time I make sure to silence my phone, play music she requests during the drive, and allow her to pick what we do/get depending what we end up doing. Since we were seeing a movie I held her so she could pay for our tickets, which she was so proud of. I allowed her to pick out snacks she wanted and the popcorn. They have this kid pack at our local theater and she was walking around with her own bucket telling anyone that would listen that she had “Yummy popcorn, hurray!” Once in the theater we found an empty row and she insisted on sitting in her own chair. During the movie it was so neat to see her reactions. She’d giggle, or frown. Sometimes she’d let out this loud, infectious, laugh and quickly cover her mouth. Some of the other adults enjoyed that. But before the end of the movie she found herself in my lap. Once the movie finished, she made her way out dancing and twirling. She kept telling me that the movie was “So, awesome, mom!”. 

Once it was time to go home, she wasn't too thrilled. In fact, she cried the first five minutes of our trip home telling me “I don’t want to go home, Mommy!” and "Go back to town! I want to go back!” When I told her that we had to go home, and I wasn't turning around she became quiet. At first I took this as acceptance. She had finally understood that she wasn't changing my mind. But then I asked her “Love, what do you want to listen to?” I received no answer. So, I repeated my question. And do you want to know what she said? She stared right out the window and said “Don’t talk Mom. I don’t talk to you. You made me mad.” She rode in silence halfway home and then fell asleep for the last half of it.

Now, I know that’s not ideal behavior. And I know it shouldn't be rewarded. It wasn't  But I couldn't help but smile, and laugh (silently) at her a little. She reminded me so much of a teenager! And she reminded me A LOT of myself in that moment. Growing up, when I didn't get my way or when I was upset, I’d just shut down. I didn't want to talk, or listen to music. I didn't want someone to try to make me feel better, because I knew it wouldn't help. I just needed my space. Emery’s usually pretty vocal about how she feels. What she does/doesn't like. But, I know that Emery can’t always articulate how she’s feeling. And sometimes her reactions are more along something her father would do. However, like I've said many times before, she’s a perfect mix of us both. And sometimes I just know how she’s feeling. So when she said that, I knew she was really upset. She didn't want comfort she just needed her space. So, I gave it to her.

Once she fell asleep, I remember just saying “Wow, you’re just like your mother.” It’s so true. But I also couldn't help but notice how grown up she’s becoming. Her legs are long, and she’s growing into her baby cheeks. The look she had on her face as she gazed out the window had me wishing I could read her mind. What was my little girl thinking about in those moments? She’s so vocal for her age, and sometimes her vocabulary seems pretty advanced. She’s becoming her own little person. No longer my tiny little bundle of baby breath, and tiny hands. It’s crazy to think about. Before long, the conversation above will include phrases like “You never let me do anything!” or “You’re ruining my life!” and trust me when I say I’m sooo not ready for that. But it’s coming. This little incident felt kind of like a preview. And I’m not going to lie, it left me feeling incredibly sad because I couldn't help but wonder where’d my baby go? :(