Scatterbrained

College is starting to be more of a pain in the butt then I had expected. It’s only been a month and already I’m feeling a bit scatterbrained. Not because it’s too much of a work load, but because it makes my schedule pretty freakin' tight. It’s completely flipped our routine around. I have obligations and responsibilities at home, with my family, and at work that need just as much attention (if not more) than what I’m giving my classes. This whole school thing has really thrown me for a loop, and it’s taking a toll on my daughter in a negative way.

Emery is starting to have these “clinging” episodes. Not sure what the actual term is. On the days that I have school I have to be at work earlier than usual so my mother takes Emery to the babysitters and picks her up. I have to sneak out of the house or Emery starts screaming. Can you imagine having to sneak out so you’re kid can’t see you? No “bye byes” or kisses. Makes me feel kind of crappy. Then, on days that I don’t have school, I drop her off and pick her up, but when I drop her off she starts crying. We’ve NEVER had this problem before. She used to love being at the sitters. Now, once we’re back home she just wants to cling to my leg. If she sees me walk out of the room or house she starts screaming and crying. Nothing calms her down until I come back in. Same goes for bedtime. I feel like she thinks I’m leaving her. And this really kills me.

She's also having her sleep routine disturbed. When I’m home, I make sure she’s up till at least 8-8:30 pm before letting her fall asleep. This was the routine because it was early enough for her to not be all fussy, and yet late enough to guarantee she slept in until 7 am. My mother on the other hand, lets her do whatever she wants. She can nap right when she gets home, or she can go to bed early. I’ve talked to her about it, but she says she feels bad for keeping her up when she wants to go to sleep. I can scold as much as I want, but in the end my mother/father will do as they please. And since I’m not there, I can’t stop it. My husband won’t actually tell them to stop, because he feels like it’s not his place to scold my parents. But then, I get to hear it all afternoon. This disruption in her sleep schedule, is kicking my ass too. Sometimes she’s up at 3 am, or sometimes she’s up at 5 am. Then there are times when she sleeps in from being so tired or not getting enough sleep. Those days are rough, let me tell ya. 

My workout routine has almost. On days that I don’t have school, I haven’t even been able to go work out. This is starting to irritate me. I feel like my muscles are all knotted up, and I’m starting to have that “always tired” feeling. I need that release. Without it, I’m not a happy camper. I get frustrated more easily, or I get really crabby when I don’t have some way to burn off that extra energy. But on my time off, I’m trying to clean, do laundry, focus on Emery, and catch up on some homework. I feel like there just isn’t enough hours in the day!

To top it off, this week I got my first bad grade in computer class. I was told that I just needed my basic Microsoft Office 2010. So, I didn’t buy it at the bookstore because I already had it on my computer. Then, when I started on this weeks assignment, it turns out I needed the “suites” version. Do you know how much that “upgrade” costs? $230! What was left over of my financial aid is already being taken out to be mailed back to me, so I can’t use it. I tried buying some notebooks with it and ended up having to pay out of pocket because of this. I can not afford to spend $230 right now. So, I submitted only half of what was needed. And it was already late because I thought that our office had the suites version so I thought I could just do the two sheets I had left after work. Turns out we didn’t have the programs. Yay me. My gosh, I can't believe it's only Tuesday too. I’m already ready for Friday.