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Random Thoughts // Eleven - Eleven- Twenty One

Today, I’m not feeling up to writing about one particular thing. It’s been a day and I’m emotionally exhausted. My brain does not want to focus either. So, instead, I’m just going to write down some random thoughts as they come. See where it takes me…

The fall semester is almost over for me and I am beyond ready. While I didn’t take on as many classes as before, and one has already been completed, it feels like it’s taken forever to finish. Only 4 more weeks to go though! Emery, on the other hand, has a bit longer. They wrapped up their cheer season not too long ago, and now all she has is dance. However, she’s opted out of the end-of-year recital so there’s nothing for her to prep for before winter break. While she enjoys dance, this semester she’s felt held back. And I completely understand. There have been some changes at the studio, and Emery has felt a bit off about them. So, we’ve talked about looking into another dance studio that will be opening its doors to new students in the Spring. Fingers crossed it’s a good fit!

In other news, I have been feeling really lonely lately. Super emotional. And highly unmotivated. The current state of my house is embarrassing. I have no idea what happened to the woman who woke up every Saturday morning to clean and do laundry? I need her back though. And it’s not like these moods are an all-day thing either. This is unusual for me because I’m used to having days or weeks of being in a funk. But lately, everything changes by the hour. I seem to be perfectly fine one minute and the next I’m sobbing in my shower. Or I’ll wake up feeling sad, but by lunchtime, everything is right with the world. I’ll enter my home feeling productive only to get crippling anxiety within an hour. It’s BEYOND exhausting and really starting to get on my nerves. I have no idea why I can’t seem to get myself together. But something has to change or I foresee a bit of a breakdown in the not-so-distant future.

Moving right along, one evening after going through a bit of an emotional day I started writing a post about my lack of passion. Since then I’ve read and re-read it about twenty times and I just don’t like it. I’ve made a ton of edits. Then I took it apart and rewrote it. And yet, none of it sounds like me. Or at least, I don’t think it does. Which makes me wonder about who we are mentally when we’re going through depression. Or even just having a bad day. Like, how different do we sound to others when we’re going through something? Because that woman who sat down and started typing away through tears is not the same one typing this up today. But she could be in that same headspace tomorrow or later today. Funny how the mind works, right? 

And this seems like a good stopping point for today. I didn’t get much sleep last night, despite what my watch says, and I really just want to crawl into bed right now. Sleep for a few days. Alas, there’s laundry to be put up and an afternoon run to attempt. Until the next post! Auf Wiedersehen!

Wordless Wednesday