Starting all over. Again. You would think that at some point I would get tired of the up and down. The beginning of a journey and then its subsequent failure. Of the constant yo-yo in weight and negative body image that came with it. Of the excuses. And yet, here we are! For a while now, I’ve struggled with hormone issues. Though no one could actually pinpoint what the problems were, there were inconsistencies in my blood work. Every time. I’d have one doctor tell me it was a thyroid issue. Another said that all of my problems would go away if I just stopped eating “wheat”. Auto-Immune disease was brought up at another appointment. Then at my latest visit, with yet another doctor, I was told that I was perfectly healthy but my body was continuously producing a stress hormone.
Apparently (supposedly), I have a case of “chronic stress”. This is causing my body to stay in “fight or flight” mode which makes me overproduce cortisol - among other things. And because of this, I won’t be able to lose weight until I get it under control. The problem is that there's no straightforward way to do that. My doctor suggested a few supplements and told me to cut back on others. Then I was told to keep exercising and hope that I’d eventually stop being so “stressed out”. I’d need to go back in four to six months to have more blood work done to check on my progress. So, here we are ladies and gents! I’m praying that this is the final and official “diagnosis” for me. That my new supplement regimen paired with a good exercise routine helps me to drop some weight and feel better. So, yes. Here’s to starting over. Again.
Starting Weight (SW): 189 lbs
Current Weight (CW): 193.4 lbs
Goal Weight (GW): 160 lbs
Eating Habits- I’m currently doing the 14:10 intermittent fasting. Though I’m not super strict with it on some days because there are times when we eat dinner around 7:30 or right at 8. I eat three meals a day. I’m allowed two small snacks and one 8 oz cup of coffee. Breakfast is usually a smoothie but on days when I feel really hungry, I opt for oatmeal. Lunch is a protein shake. And then I have a regular dinner.
Fitness Progress- Workout routines are...crap. My schedule is all over the place and it’s hard for me to have set days to work out. So, for now, I try to work out three times a week, in no particular order. But honestly, as long as I’m getting some movement in my day, I call it good for now.
Mental Health- I am so frustrated with myself right now. I’m angry at the fact that more often than not when I look in the mirror I walk away feeling really low. I don’t like what I see and it carries over into how I think/speak to myself. I’m annoyed with my daily lack of motivation. And I’m tired of having to test out supplement after supplement. There isn’t a day that goes by where I don’t feel like just giving up. And, I’m so frustrated with this whole process. Mentally, I’m struggling with being positive when it comes to weight loss or better eating habits. But I’m trying. And that’s really all I can do.
In conclusion, this girl has a lot of work to do. But I feel like we’re off to an okay start. I keep telling myself that these changes have to be thought of as lifestyle changes. Because of that, I’m just doing a few things at a time instead of going all out right from the start. Clearly, that’s never worked for me before. So, I hope this all finally leads up to some weight loss. And to some better mental health days. ✌
