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The “Not Date” Date

Back in October, I added someone on Facebook that I vaguely remembered from a handful of parties when I was a teenager. It said we had over 20 mutual friends and he kept popping up in my suggestion box. Literally, every time I opened the app for a whole damn week. So, on a whim, I clicked “ADD FRIEND”. Well, it turns out I had been right and he was the person I had remembered. We talked for a while that night and caught up. Discussing family, friends, and what we had been up to since high school. We sent a few messages back and forth over the next month but nothing more. Then, when I was informed of the date for our company’s Christmas party - and repeatedly asked if I was bringing a date, I impulsively said I would have a plus one when the final headcount was taken. 

A few days later I sat on my kitchen floor, holding my breath, as I had just impulsively asked this person to be my date. Strictly as friends because we didn’t know each other that well, but I knew enough that I thought we’d have a good time. If nothing else, we got a free meal out of it, right? Well, surprisingly, he said yes. We talked about meeting up before the party to hang out but our schedules just didn’t allow for it. So, when that first week of December came along I found myself rushing around the house to get ready for my “not date” date. I kept telling myself that there was no pressure because this was a platonic thing. We had technically already met, several years ago, so it wasn’t as if he was a total stranger. Then as I hurriedly slipped on my boots he texted me his address. Thirty minutes later I found myself standing on his doorstep. I heard movement on the other side of the door, and I mentally freaked out for a few seconds. “Crap. Crap! Why did I think this was a good idea? Who the hell let me do this? Crap.” After a few seconds, I finally raised my hand. Taking in a deep breath, I knocked.

Well, it’s now April, and that “not date” date went really well. So well, that it turned into an actual first date two weeks later when I got back from California. Which led to some pretty deep conversations. Then there was a second date; third, fourth, and fifth. A handful of shows and plenty of nights spent in. There were several firsts and a lot of laughter. I’m serious, a lot. I’ve been encouraged to step out of my comfort zone, and still do things on my own. Because, growth. Then, there were disagreements. Doubts. We had a little “time out” to reassess how we felt about each other and what exactly we wanted going forward. Because this wasn’t just about the two of us anymore. And then we compromised. I was shown that I was a priority. That I matter. Even when I shut down and started to throw up walls. Or when my anxiety got the better of me. We've been able to communicate and bend when needed for each other. And y’all, for the first time in a long-long time, I feel like I actually have a partner. Someone who’s actually willing to put in the work with me. And I'm happy.

Now, I know that there will be ups and downs. I can’t stress that enough. There will be times when one of us gives a bit more than the other. Things won’t be split 50/50, because let's face it, that’s unrealistic. I can’t expect both of us to interpret or respond to everything in the exact same way either. We are two different human beings coming from different backgrounds that sometimes see things very differently. But do you know what I really love about us? That during the times that we feel we need a bit of time to process our feelings, or when we have these knee jerk reactions of getting upset with each other there’s still respect for one another. We take a moment. We talk openly to get any misunderstandings or assumptions out of the way. And then we come up with a solution. And it all gets done without yelling, name-calling, or things being thrown. Even during the most recent argument, which I posted a bit about (quite dramatically) and that I’ll admit escalated due to a bit of misunderstanding on my part, I was still receiving “Good morning” and “I love you” texts. I would reply and/or check-in at the end of the day too. When we finally came together to talk things out we apologized to each other for how we handled things and then we worked on a compromise that we were both comfortable with. We promised to do better going forward too. Afterward, I headed home feeling so loved. I knew that this was the person I wanted at my side. The person I prayed to be put into my life. And as long as we make our relationship a priority, especially during the hard times, I know we’ll be able to get through anything that gets thrown our way.

Wordless Wednesday