Soon after my last post there was a memorial service held for James. Sadly, we weren't able to make it. His mom has told us that she plans to come visit sometime within the next few months so I'm hoping to get to see her then. My heart still hurts for her, and sometimes I catch myself thinking that it's not real. It hasn't sunk in yet. And I'm not sure if it ever will...? Mid-December I finally made my way to Mexico for a brief, yet fulfilling, visit. We went back to drop off my grandparents which was bittersweet. I wish they could have stayed longer because it felt like they had just gotten here before they had to make their way back. Next time I'm hoping to be able to take Em along so she can meet some of her cousins too.
Christmas was spent with family. Both sides. My brother, and sister-in-law were here for a week too. My other sister Olivia was here as well so I was really grateful to have everyone within minutes of each other again. Even if it was only for the week. It seemed like it had been so long since the last time we were all together. Eating, laughing, and just enjoying each other's company. New Years Eve was actually spent at home, in my PJ's, and with wine. Em fell asleep early, and so did my husband. Don't let that "accomplishment" fool you though because my ass was in bed by 12:05 am. Still, I consider myself blessed to have been able to close out 2016 with family, and friends.
Christmas was spent with family. Both sides. My brother, and sister-in-law were here for a week too. My other sister Olivia was here as well so I was really grateful to have everyone within minutes of each other again. Even if it was only for the week. It seemed like it had been so long since the last time we were all together. Eating, laughing, and just enjoying each other's company. New Years Eve was actually spent at home, in my PJ's, and with wine. Em fell asleep early, and so did my husband. Don't let that "accomplishment" fool you though because my ass was in bed by 12:05 am. Still, I consider myself blessed to have been able to close out 2016 with family, and friends.
This new year felt different. And if I'm being honest I had been feeling a shift for the past few months now. As you all know, for me 2015 ended with pain, humiliation, and grief. However, 2016 was a testing year as well. Mentally, physically, and emotionally. It brought with it some understanding, strength, and awareness that I didn't have before. But above all else it brought me growth. The ending of it was welcomed, and despite tragedy, I felt like 2016 was the closing of one long chapter. I felt like I was almost at the top of this big ass mountain that I had been trying to climb all year. In my head I knew that if I could just get to the very top I would finally be able to see something. That things would be clearer for me. I had been trying really hard to heal, move forward, and yet I had been so focused on what happened that I couldn't get passed that last obstacle. Well, I can say with certainty that there was a click. A "shit or get off the pot" kind of moment if you will? That shift happened, and even though I'm not exactly sure when it took place I know I walked into 2017 with clarity. Sure there's a bit of haze left over, but overall I feel like this is truly going to be my year.
So.... Hello, 2017.
