Y’all, I absolutely love my child. She is the sun, the moon, and all of my stars. There is literally nothing I wouldn’t do for her. When I was in the hospital bed, getting ready to deliver her, they had me sign a bunch of paperwork and answer several questions about what they needed to do in case of an emergency. The nurse asked, “If there are any complications, and it comes down to you or the baby who do you want us to save?” “Her,” I answered, “Just save her.” If you’re a parent, you probably know this love I’m talking about first hand. It’s truly unconditional. There are so many times when I catch myself looking at her while thinking, “Wow, I get to be her mom. How fucking lucky am I? I mean, what did I do to deserve this gift??” It’s an amazing thing, right? Right. Well, I want you to keep all of what I just said in mind as I head into this next section because it's a doozy.
Y’ALL, MY KID IS DRIVING ME INSANE. HER ATTITUDE CAN BE SO DAMN FRUSTRATING AND ANNOYING! And our house is just not big enough to hold both of our stubborn tendencies. I mean, what the hell happened between seven years old and nine years old? It’s like the “Invasion of the Body Snatchers”. Only in slow motion. I went from having this wonderful little girl who loved to be around me and listened to me when I asked her to do something without complaint. A little girl that said please, and thank you. She smiled at everything. Very rarely would she ever talk back, and in the instances that she did all I would have to say was, “Emery, that’s not very nice. I’m really disappointed in your behavior right now.” This usually led to, “I’m so sorry mommy! I promise I’ll be better. Please don’t be disappointed.” The behavior or attitude would go away, and all was well with the world. Do you want to know what response I get these days? “Life’s full of disappointments, mom! You’ll be okay.” Yea! I mean, technically she’s right, but dude she’s nine. She’s constantly responding to me with, “NO” or “I’m not doing that.” or my favorite, "I. DON'T. WANT. TO." She'll huff, slam her bedroom door, or roll her eyes. And don’t even get me started on the daily battle that is waking her up and getting her ready for school in the morning. I never knew just how big of a meltdown a kid could have by just asking them to put on pants. The real ones, not the jeggings. And if I’m being honest, the two’s, three’s, four’s, and five’s were a cake walk compared to nine. Not to mention that she also still insists on sleeping with me. I have to bargain and bribe if I want to get one or two nights in my own bed. Because if I don’t, the little sneak will wait until I’ve fallen asleep and then come on in to make herself comfortable. Then I get a pretty rude awakening around 3 AM to her little body flung across mine. Or getting kicked in the head. And what the hell, I’m the adult, right? Right.
Anyway, it’s been a little rough lately. The only male, disciplinary, figure she seems to fear is my brother. So, a few weekends ago I asked him to talk to her. Maybe, hearing this stuff coming from him would cause something to click in her mind? Of course, I was lectured too. “Raquel, you’re the parent.” and “Raquel, you need to start disciplining her.” Followed by, “Raquel, you’re her mom not her friend.” and “All I’m hearing are excuses. Put your foot down or she’s going to walk all over you.” And well, he’s not wrong. But “doing” is so much harder when I get stuff like, “Ughh! Mom, you’re the worst. Why can’t I stay with dad?” thrown at me. Or, “I did do what you told me. If you wanted that other stuff done too you should have mentioned it.” (Kim, technically, you should be proud - she expects specifics.) Then there are the moments when she hugs me so tight, and she says "Mom, you're the best. Thank you for being so awesome!" or the very famous, “Mom, can I please sleep with you? I love you so so much and I don’t want to be away from you.” Oohhh, does that last one get me. Every. Single. Time. And then I’m giving in. Or I’m doing the stuff for her instead of making her do it. Or I’m letting the attitude slide. I give her a look when she talks back, but then we both know I'm just going just give up. And this just isn't getting us anywhere. So, this is why I wanted my brother to have a talk with her. To kind of back me up. Maybe put the fear of God in her a little bit too? Because I was honestly just grasping at straws when it came to figuring out how to address all of this.
After their little talk, some disciplinary action, and a deal that was brokered between the two, things have been somewhat better. Enough of a change that Beau even noticed a difference. “Did you notice that she’s not talking back that much?” he mentioned one afternoon. However, it’s not all over with. She still tries to test our boundaries, and push my buttons. Though lately, it’s more along the lines of bedtime extensions, bathing practices, and sleeping arrangements. There have been a few instances where she’s said a few things about Beau and my’s relationship. Little pokes and prods here and there at both of us. The difference is that now I share what’s being mentioned in front of him so that he knows too. And now that she’s catching on to the fact that we’re actually communicating about things the comments have started to become less frequent. But boy if this doesn’t feel like we’re getting a little glimpse into the future. I’m already dreading the teenage years, y’all. In fact, if we could just skip that whole phase that would be great. I mean, is it just my kid? Is it typical behavior for kids with divorced parents to act like this? Or is it just this age? One of my co-workers says it's that year in general. Something about 2010 babies, and having really stubborn "devil-may-care" attitudes. One of his is the same age as Emery. And as much as we're warned about the "two's" and "three's", you'd think we'd hear something about this, right? Well, I don't know about you but I had never even heard of, nor was I ever warned about the “terrible pre-teens”. But damn, if we haven’t arrived. So, wish me luck! Say some prayers. Send me all the good vibes. Toss some of them in Beau’s direction too. And let's just hope that we can all make it through to the other side intact.
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