I was having a conversation with my boss last week about what we would do, or where we would go if we won the Powerball lottery. Instantly I thought of Southern California. My response was: "I'd buy a house in the Murrieta/Temecula area (3 beds 2 baths) out right. I'd repair everything on the vehicle that I own now: engine, transmission, A/C & Heat, replace all of the plugs, and buy all new tires. I'd set a nice chunk aside to collect interest in a bank, and give the rest to my parents. I'd still go to work in order to pay for daily stuff, utilities, and vacations." He told me it sounded like I had a good plan, and he asked what it was like to live there. What was the appeal? So I started to show him some pictures. Our old house, the different places we got to visit, the scenery, and even the events that they hold there throughout the year for the city. I told him how close everything was: shopping, the beach, & mountains. After I was done he asked me why I had left in the first place? He said that it sound like a great location, a dream spot, with a pretty great community. How did anyone ever convince me to leave? "We had room mates, but at the end of the year all of that was up in the air since everyone was going in different directions. I was 19 with no family there. We were hitting a recession, and jobs were being cut. I had no idea how to handle any of that, and I was terrified. So, I came back home." And that's the truth.
If I knew then what I know now I would have managed my finances better. I wouldn't have just left the minute things got tough. I would have gone ahead with downsizing apartments, or finding someone who needed a room mate. I would have accepted the two full-time job offers. And then I would have handled things. BUT I say that now only because of what I've gone through. The obstacles, and the hard times. For example: Living in a tiny trailer house while pregnant in the middle of winter, and not having heating throughout the house. The landlord was so crappy, and refused to get it fixed too. I had us, Sampson, and the fish in one of the bedrooms with two space heaters. And I made it through. Or how I went through a pretty rough pregnancy, and months where my income allowed me to only spend about $40 a week on groceries. There were times when I only had enough to make sure that the little was going to have meals, and I went without. But I pushed through every time. I've had a lot of downs, but I've managed to get back up because I had no other choice. If I had known my strength back then I probably would have done things differently. Still, I got Emery out of my decision to come back home and I wouldn't trade her for the world. So looking back won't change anything. All I can do now is look forward, and start taking the steps to get me where I want to be.
One of the first questions that my dad asked me was "Is this for you? If things had gone differently with you, and Beau would you still consider moving back?" My answer, without hesitation, was yes. Hell, we could move out there, and still end up getting a divorce one day. Or we could have gotten a divorce yesterday, and I'd still be planning my way out there. For a long time I thought my ties, and my dream of going back were solely because of my relationship with Beau. That I only belonged out in California if he were with me. But that's not the case. And I think I subconsciously knew it when I thought about moving in with my friend in January of last year while Beau and I were separated. So, I see it now. How moving back out there is something I want, with or without him in the picture. I've even kept my eye out on certain business that I might like to work for one day in that area. I've looked into some remote positions that would allow me to work from home once I had a degree. All of that I did for myself while still unsure as to how my relationship would have ended up. So this was a dream that I wanted for myself. I can see my life there, and I would like to one day achieve that.
Now, after finally allowing myself to start thinking about California again I started to look into what needed to be done in order for us to go back. Pay certain things off. Downsize on belongings. Budget better. Help get my husband a job so that we are no longer a one income family. Then I started to look more closely at the cost of living between here, and there. Which honestly, the difference isn't much. Ex: A house in this town (2 bd 2 bth) will run you about $900 + $900 deposit. A house in the area/nearby towns we lived in back in California range between $1,000 + deposit & $1,200 + deposit from what I've looked at. And those are homes, not apartments. I spoke to my friend and we compared utility bills, and gasoline prices. There wasn't a huge gap, and once you consider the average income out there it ends up evening out. So it's doable, but we'd have to have a nice chunk saved up before heading out. And we'd have to leave with as little debt as possible. So, a plan is forming. Whether I'm able to achieve it within this year, or the next I have no clue. Maybe it would be better for us to wait until Emery's a bit older before moving, or maybe it's best to do it now while she's younger? I don't have all the answers just yet. But one thing is for sure...it's going to happen. I'm going to do my best to make sure we find our way back out there.
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