#SRC//Running Again - Part I

About halfway through 2021, I was feeling very - meh. You know that feeling you get when you’re just going through the motions of your daily life? Or when you realize it’s been too long since you’ve actually tried to accomplish something? Don’t get me wrong - life was/is good. I just felt like I didn’t have anything for myself. My daughter is getting older and she has more of a social life than I do. Corey has kayak fishing and he’s gone two weekends out of each month during the tournament season. And me? My routine consisted of work, school, cleaning, and studying. Wash, rinse, repeat.

One evening, right before my birthday last year, while we were getting ready for bed I remember that I was complaining about something stress related to Corey. I was tossing the pillows and sighing out in frustration when he asked me, “What is it that you like to do? What do you enjoy doing for yourself? Emery and I have our hobbies, what’s yours?” And I couldn’t think of a single thing. My response was, “I don’t have anything. I’m a mom and a partner. I feel like I sacrifice for you two to have your things.” He stood there quietly for a moment and then said, “Find something and make the time. Emery and I will adjust. You need something for yourself.”

The following day, after trying to think of ideas for hobbies, I decided to go for a run. That used to always help me think and clear my head. So, I dusted off my running shoes, and out the door, I went. The ideas didn’t come but my lungs burned. Two days later I went out for another run. Again, no idea what hobby I should try, but my legs felt like jello. Since my method for gaining some ideas wasn’t working I stopped. But a week later I saw my running shoes next to the bed and threw them on. When I got back home Corey was smiling and asked, “Find your hobby?” I grumbled. Waved him off as I tried to breathe and make my way to the shower.

Running was something I enjoyed in high school. Nothing long distance though. Then after I had Emery I turned back to it to help me lose a bit of weight. And over the years I’ve turned back to running - off/on - for its positive mental health benefits. It’s never been something that I stuck with for long though. But what if I did? What if I found a running partner? What if running became my hobby? Well that night, again as we got ready for bed, I searched Facebook to see if there were any local running clubs. Two popped up, but one hadn’t had any activity for a while. The other club had just under 300 members and that seemed intimidating. “Here goes nothing.” I requested to join the club and went to bed. The following day I received a message from the admin and shortly after I was accepted!

Running and I had a rocky start this time around. Most days I’d ask myself if I really wanted to start this up again. Could this really be my hobby? Could running really be my thing? Cardio was not my friend weight loss-wise anymore. It tends to do the opposite. My schedule was pretty packed so realistically would I have the time? Then I saw that the runners in the club were doing some major distances. The feed was peppered with posts that contained “13 easy miles” or “8-minute mile paces”. They were getting up between 4 - 5 am to run. Some were training for half and full marathons. Spartan races and Ironmans. Most of them ran 5+ days a week. And NONE of them looked like me. Feeling a bit self-conscience and defeated I muted the group. I told myself to do the best that I could. If I could only fit in a mile each week - that was fine. But I didn’t need to put any more pressure on myself.

Work Matters // Part Two

Recently, after doing some reading, listening to podcasts, and taking a Management course I found that the executive assistant (or equivalent) position is something that piqued my interest. It has structure, clearly defined tasks, and only one person that you answer to - which I like. You're not having to run circles within the business to get an answer either. You aren’t going to accounting to get an answer about shipping. Or shipping to get an answer about payment. Or sales to get an answer about accounting. The executive assistant role is pretty straightforward and yet, also challenging because you have to be really great at communication - something I want to get better at. And you have to work on your interpersonal skills as well as time management. Again, some other skills I'd like to get better at. 

Forbes Advisor describes this position as, “An executive assistant helps the executive for whom they work with tasks such as scheduling; reviewing, prioritizing and responding to emails; answering and returning phone calls; organizing documents; maintaining records; taking notes at meetings and any other administrative tasks that help the executive perform their job.” So, you're in charge of helping one person with all of their daily needs, not having to keep up with everyone else in the office. While you may have to work with others - your main priority is the single person you are in charge of helping.

So, this is something I found interesting. It’s a job I would like to learn more about. A job I would like to be good at. And unfortunately, I will not have that opportunity at my current place of employment. I’ve tried to undertake some tasks but it’s hard to do your job when someone else is constantly trying to undermine it or take it on themselves. When you’re being told that you have to take on tasks that are not your responsibility but are “for the good of the team” - which usually just means someone else getting more down time.  It’s also hard when the bulk of the workers tend to go to one person rather than going through the proper channels for each department. It can lead to a lot of confusion and chaos. And I have a hard time getting things accomplished in that type of environment. So, instead of being a place I enjoy coming to, it’s become a place that causes me the most stress. And it’s started to affect me physically.

While there are other things outside of work that cause me stress, my job causes me high stress about 3 out of 5 days each week. I’m talking about that overwhelming feeling you get when things are stacked up so high and you can’t balance them all. When you’re the first one to get to work and one of the last to leave, and yet you still haven’t finished the day's tasks. When you’re constantly having to double or triple-check your work because one mistake will cause others to target you. To speak badly about you to everyone in the office. I mean, imagine coming back from vacation only to find out that someone spoke really badly about you and how you do your job. And you weren’t even there to defend yourself? And while your boss did defend you - you still went back to retrace every little step from before you left just to prove what had happened. Otherwise, you'd continue to be bashed. Having to do this on a monthly basis really messes with your confidence and your mental health. It's gotten so bad that I’ve even had to start monitoring my blood pressure because the everyday stress is causing it to spike. As a result, I’ve developed headaches that last for days.  

Now, I feel like all of this is something that I can eventually get under control and work through. I'm juggling a lot right now and I feel like once I'm done with school things will get better. Plus, workplaces are bound to have rough moments. You won't always click with your co-workers. Gossip happens. There will be times when you feel unproductive or burnt out. But the biggest issue for me is that I don’t feel like my work matters or that it’s valued. I don’t feel like I’m valued. If I were to put in my notice, no one would blink. There wouldn’t be any offers to ask me to stay. I’d get a handshake, a thank you, and then I'd probably have to publish the ad for my replacement. And I’ve been here 12 years.

So, that’s where I’m at presently. Not actively looking for something different, but trying to figure out what my next steps should be. Trying to figure out what life will look like after next summer. Though I feel like there might be some curves, and/or redirections - I know God will help me get through them. And I’m really looking forward to having my degree. Not sure if I’ll be walking on the stage because - ANXIETY. But I can’t wait to finally have my diploma in hand. I can’t wait to see what doors it will help me open. Whatever comes next, I have a feeling it's going to be great!

Wordless Wednesday