Well, my maternity leave was up on January 27. However, our household came down with several illnesses (RSV, bronchitis, and the Flu), so my bosses let me work from home until we were all on the mend. I returned to the office at the beginning of February, and during one of my first weeks back, we got snow. I'd like to think God was giving me a little welcome back of his own.
This transition has been rough. Breastfeeding timing, getting ready in the morning, and then having to navigate drop-offs and pick-ups for both kiddos has been a huge learning curve. Most days, I’m running behind. I’m barely getting Emery to school as the bell is ringing. My son hates the car seat, so the drive to his sitter’s house is usually filled with tears. And I’m sliding into my office about 5-10 minutes after I’m supposed to be there. That said, we had a male employee who welcomed a child a week after we did, and he was able to change his working hours to 9 AM - 3 PM. So, they better give me grace for those 5-10 minutes because I’m trying. My daughter’s extracurricular activities and practices have also been interesting to navigate. And I’ve had to resort to asking for help from other moms a handful of times.
Bedtime routines are there(ish), but the quality of sleep is not. For me, anyway. The time change (which I love) has brought even more challenges (which I don’t love). Since we co-sleep, my husband was originally camping out on the couch. But that’s not the most comfortable, so getting a full 8 hours for him was a challenge. He’s now back in our bed, so we are learning to navigate the bedsharing situation. That said, I am up at 12, 2, 4, and 6 AM. Like clockwork. Sometimes, I get up in between those times because of all the grunting and scootching that my son is doing. However, I’m averaging between 6.5 and 7 hours each night. It’s not good sleep, but it’s sleep, so that’s a win.
Work has also felt different for me. I like having a routine, being around other adults, and being productive outside of my home life. But, where once I was so focused on the “next steps” and “new challenges” in my career, these days I’m just ready to be home with my family. I was already leaning in that direction before maternity leave, but having a baby kicked that shift into high gear. Any drama that’s taking place, I stay out of. When I’m allowed to work from home or leave early, I do. I’m not super concerned with climbing higher on the ladder. Maybe one day I’ll get back to that, but not right now. Instead, I’m finding ways to do my job better and hopefully negotiate a higher salary once reviews take place in June. Because honestly, a job is a paycheck. While we NEED money to pay bills and buy food. I can always find another job. And I am completely replaceable here. The show will go on without me. So, my home life is what’s most important to me. Spending time with my family and kids is what I value most.
All of this is to say that things are chugging along. I’ve got a few things down and some other kinks to work out. Our new family dynamic is a work in progress. I deal with “working mom’s guilt” more often than not. My marriage sometimes feels strained, like we’re prioritizing everything else before each other. But then, Corey and I will hold hands before bed, and it’s a gentle reminder that we’re still in it. At the end of the day, my house is a mess, the laundry is piled up, and I’m exhausted. But my family is happy and healthy. We have food on the table and a roof over our heads. Listening to my daughter sing to her baby brother stirs so much love in my heart. Being present for her and him in the short amount of hours in the day I get with them is super important to me. And I keep telling myself that this is just a season. Before we know it, we’ll blink, and it’ll be gone.
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