Journal Writing Prompt // Stress

Prompt: What is currently causing you stress?

Everything, if I’m being honest. Bills, home life, work, and feeling stuck. Right now, our finances are not the greatest. We had some setbacks in January and February when my husband wasn’t able to work. And while he’s back to working now, for a different company, we have yet to be able to catch up. And because of that, our credit card debt, which had previously been paid off, is back up. And if you know me, you know I hate debt. However, what else can we do when we need a credit card to cover bills and groceries?

To add to our stressors, my husband and his friend are starting their own construction company. This means a lot of work from all parties, including myself. Realistically, the first year or two will not produce any major profits. In fact, we may have to put money into it. And while I am trying to think of the long term, it can be hard to see the bigger picture when we’re struggling enough as it is. That said, this is an opportunity and dream that my husband has had for a while now, so I plan to contribute in whatever way I can to make this a reality.

Work has been on this rollercoaster lately. Some questionable things have recently come to light and made me feel uncomfortable. On more than one occasion I’ve been asked to come up with solutions that allow others to “skirt around policy.” There has also been an increase in toxicity lately, and some of it is spearheaded by leaders. There have been instances that I’ve wanted to speak up, and on occasion I have. Only it’s met with, “You don’t want to get caught on the wrong side of this.” And well, I need my job.

Now, don’t get me wrong, this is just a blip. My job and workplace haven’t always been like this. It’s a very recent development that was triggered by new internal changes. And some power struggles. I hope that with time, and some upcoming leadership changes, things will start to smooth out. Still, it doesn’t lessen the stress while dealing with it.

And finally, I’ve been feeling stuck. At the moment, I have really great benefits. The trade-off is that the pay is not ideal. Even though I’m making more than I did at my previous place of employment. And well, I’m tempted to start looking for another job because we could really use an increase in income. Plus, my student loans have kicked in, and well, I feel really bad about working so hard for a degree that I’m not even getting a decent amount of income by using it. Does that make sense? And so, I feel stuck. On the one hand, I have great benefits. On the other, pay is lacking. So, what do I do? I’m not entirely sure. I've been praying for some guidance and direction. I've been praying for doors to open or expenses to be reduced. While I know things could be a lot worse, and I'm grateful that they are not, my stress levels have been on another level lately.