Wordless Wednesday

8/3: 92. 🎂

Feeling Stuck, Exhausted, & Grateful

Yesterday, I told myself I would write a little "Monday Motivation" post. However, as the day started, I quickly realized that it would be relatively busy with no downtime. Then, it felt like I was getting one hit right after the other. So, I didn't feel very "motivational". Instead, today, I'll be offering a few updates. 

📷: Credit

I received a call from the mortgage lender we've been working with, and due to a tax-related issue caused by a former employer, we cannot apply for a home loan right now. It will have to wait until after we file our taxes next year. While we knew that we probably wouldn't be able to purchase a house this year, we were hopeful that maybe we could start looking by the end of this year. Unfortunately, we can't even find out what our budget will be until next year. 

Now that we know we will be staying in our current rental a bit longer we've brought up some of the immediate repairs that we need to our landlord. Unfortunately, they don't want to pay to fix them right now. Instead, they'd like to do temporary/makeshift fixes. These have been their answers to every issue we've had since moving in. And guess what? They keep getting worse. And while I'm normally understanding and accepting of these solutions because everyone is struggling right now - I'd really like to have these repairs done correctly before the end of the year. However, it looks like we will have to foot the bill if we want them done. This means we now have several added expenses that we were not prepared for. 

And finally, our "merit raise" information was released last week. While I qualified for a raise this year I'm probably not going to get more than 1%. Which roughly gives me about an extra $500/year or $42/monthly paycheck. I'm a bit bummed because I really could have used a decent raise. We've got a lot of additional expenses coming up next year. But there are a lot of politics at play in our division, and things don't always favor those with lower incomes. That said, I keep telling myself, "Something is better than nothing." Still, this has had me thinking about what comes next.  

So, in the past few days, we've been delivered some setbacks. My emotional self has spent a lot of time crying over all of this and then some. I get that my hormones probably intensify everything right now. But that doesn't change the fact that it's super frustrating when you feel stuck. When you feel like nothing you do is working out. When you constantly have to be concerned about money. When you feel like for every step forward you take you're made to take three steps back. It's exhausting. But I need to look at the bright side. We are all safe, healthy, and doing well. We might not have as much as most, but we're still fortunate to have more than some. 

Slow Living // The Opposite

My “slow living” attempt has hit a bit of a snag. And it’s not for lack of trying, we just have a lot going on. It’s become very apparent to us that we need to work on some changes ASAP, and we’ve switched gears. While we still managed to have a “Summer of No Plans,” that desire to slow down our everyday lives just hasn’t come to fruition.

Corey has been working 60+ hours a week. We’ve been attempting to catch up on the bills that we got behind on at the beginning of the year. And trust me, that is hard to do. Then, we had an unexpected ER bill which we’ll have to start chipping away at this month. Thankfully, Emery’s braces are almost paid off, so we can put that extra towards other bills. And finally, we’ve concluded that we have to move. The home we are currently in has become a money pit. And it’s one repair after another. Keep in mind that we rent. So, we are in talks with a mortgage broker to establish a game plan. We can’t afford to move at this very moment, but we need to know the next steps so we can by next summer.

While Emery is out for the summer, her school still has plenty for them to do. From weekly workouts to camps. And my daughter has been attending as much as she can every week. Now, as we close in on the beginning of the school year, the cheer practices have started and so have conditioning workouts. We’re also in the middle of back-to-school shopping, and salon appointments. And it feels like we still have so much to do before that first day.

As for decluttering, well, my husband did a great job in the last round. But now with a new little member of our family coming along, I’ve already received several secondhand items and clothes that I need to sort through. It’s all gone up into the attic, but I need to sift through everything soon. While I am so appreciative of these items, I’m also dreading having to go through everything. We have some things in our living room that take up what was once open space, and I’m not going to lie, it gives me a bit of anxiety. Our living room looks small again. It feels like all of the hard work we put into decreasing visual clutter just went down the drain.

And so, I am struggling. I’m struggling to find a place for everything. I’m struggling to feel content with my home. I constantly feel overwhelmed by it. But I keep telling myself that this is just a season. We will eventually have space. We will eventually have our own home. We will eventually be able to slow down again. This current season of life will pass and things will get better. Eventually. For now, I just need to hang on.