Wordless Wednesday

 

Disappointments & Failing

Last week was Spring Break for us and while that normally stirs up images of vacations and the beach, we stayed put. I was slammed at work, staying after hours most evenings. I didn’t get very many opportunities to write. But I did manage to fit in a few afternoon runs thanks to the time change, and one early morning workout. Still not sure how I feel about that. Anyway, sometimes I get bummed out that we can’t afford to take time off to have a vacation. Anyone else? Like, you know that you need that break, that check-out, but you just can’t afford to do it? This is something I’ve been thinking about a lot lately. 

I’ve been trying to figure out how other people afford to get by right now, and still manage to save money to take their families on vacations. How do people afford house payments and vehicle payments with rates so high? The price of groceries is through the roof too. It’s something we’ve been struggling with lately - even on a budget. We’ve had to say “NO” to a lot of things lately (baby showers, home repairs, birthday parties, etc.) because we can’t afford to spend extra. And we constantly talk about how we have to sacrifice now for rewards later. But we’ve been sacrificing for years. And with each passing one, it just seems like something else comes up.

 

Yes, we have managed to pay down debt, and we are doing the best we can to cut costs. As I mentioned in a previous post, we wanted to either buy a home or remodel our current one. But those plans keep getting pushed back, and it’s really frustrating. However, realistically we can’t afford to take on any more payments. So, we do what we can. And we live paycheck to paycheck for the most part. And that has left me feeling very disappointed with myself. Because I honestly thought I’d be much further along than I am right now. Even with a Bachelor’s degree, my salary is on the lower end. I thought I’d be making more money by now. I thought I would be a homebuyer by now too. And I thought I’d be able to afford to take a vacation at least once a year - even if it was close by. I thought I’d have more in my savings (job issues have drained that). And I thought life would be a little easier.

Some people (read: my husband) think it’s superficial and materialistic to want so many things. “You’ll never be happy with more if you can’t be content/grateful for what you have now.” And to an extent, I get it. Which is why I try to appreciate what I do have. A vehicle that gets me from point A to point B. Our relatively good health. Clothing and shoes. A roof over our heads. And the ability to buy food and medicine when needed. There really is a lot to be grateful for. That said, I don’t think it’s wrong or bad to want a home that doesn’t constantly have issues (electricity/plumbing/sewer problems, mold, no closet in our bedroom, bug problems - last year it was crickets and wolf spiders). I don’t think it’s wrong to want financial stability either. To be able to purchase a baby shower gift or set a doctor’s appointment without worrying about which bill it will take away from. And I don’t think it’s a bad thing to want to explore and travel a bit - without having to camp out because it’s the cheapest. I’m not against camping, but my back is not a fan. And so, I feel that I should have achieved more in life by now. I feel like I’m failing a bit at this whole adulting thing. And I really feel like I’m failing my family.

Anyway, that’s enough word vomit for now. Sorry this post is such a downer. It’s just how I’m feeling right now. I know that we are slowly chipping away at what needs to be paid down. I know that my concerns are valid, and I’m doing my best. Still, sometimes finances are tight, and it makes life a little hard. But we’ll get through it though - we always do.

All About the Drama // 20th Century Girl

Name: 20th Century Girl
Length: 1 hr 59m
Region: Korea
My Rating: 5/5

Synopsis: “In 1999, a teen girl keeps close tabs on a boy in school on behalf of her deeply smitten best friend – then she gets swept up in a love story of her own.”

First, let me say that this is a film - not a show. Second, Netflix labeled it a “lighthearted & easy” watch, which is why I picked it, and they straight-up LIED. This film left me wrecked - for days. The first 80% of the film is lighthearted as it touches on subjects of youth, friendship, humor, and first love. The other 20% is bittersweet, relatable, and so freakin’ sad. I ugly cried so hard. And then a few days later, while explaining the movie to my husband at a red light, I ugly cried again. The story was just so much deeper than what the synopsis makes you think.

Kim Yoo-jung is so delightful to watch in this one. She plays such a drastically different character in this film than the one she played in My Demon - which is what I first saw her in. And this was my introduction to Byeon Woo-seok, who kind of blew me away. The film itself isn’t some grand cinematic achievement either, but these two captured their character’s emotions so well. I mean, it was as if they WERE the characters. And when one of them cried, I cried too because it felt so real. Their portrayals of Na Bo-Ra and Poong Woon-Ho were perfect. The side characters played by Ong Seong-wu and Roh Yoon-seo were great too! They definitely added to the story rather than distracting from it.

Overall, this was a wonderful film. Though I don’t know if I could watch it again. I tried watching the last 30 minutes over, and couldn’t finish it. The way this story ended just felt so wrong and I really wish it had been different. There’s a beautiful letter, two plot twists, and a train scene - all left me feeling all of the feels. There’s also a specific piece of information that the audience doesn’t receive either and it frustrated me. Though you technically don’t need that information at all - I WANTED to know. I felt like I NEEDED to know. Heck, the audience DESERVED it. And when the last line was spoken and it cut to the credits I sobbed. "That can't be how it ends?!" Still, I appreciated how realistic it was, and how many emotions it stirred up for me. Again, not sure if I could watch it a second time though. 

And that wraps up my review. While looking up the synopsis for the film I came across this review and it’s brief but also spot on. If you’re ever in the mood for some 1999 nostalgia, a lovely story, and a good cry - give this one a watch. You can find it over on Netflix - linked in the name below the picture up top. Until the next one, 🤞.