Miracles

In my last post I spoke to you guys about my aunt. She had recently been diagnosed with Stage IV Gallbladder cancer. She was told that it was very aggressive and resistant to treatment. Anything they did at this point was only going to buy her time. We were pretty much told that this was it. But my mother, kept insisting that this was not the end. "Miracles happen every day, Raquel. God has the last word." And so with that, we kept praying. 

I've heard so many tragic stories though. In my heart I knew that the chances of recovery would have to come down to just that: a miracle. And so I started to prepare myself for the time when I'd have to let go. When I'd have to be strong for my mom. When I'd have to say goodbye to my aunt. That alone was unreal to me. I'm 27 years old and still I'm the one who seeks out my mother when I need to break down. When I need a good cry. When I need that reassurance that I'm going to be okay. She has always been my strength. So, for us to reverse roles when she needed a moment was so unexpected. It definitely made me appreciate her that much more for all the times she's helped me back up. And during this difficult time, she needed us to believe. She needed us to get on our knees every night, and say a little prayer. She needed me to give her a hug, and let her know that everything was going to be okay. And so, I did just that. 

Now, I know that there are so many people out there who believe in God, and just as many that don't. I'm very much aware that my religion isn't the only one out there either. And I won't treat anyone else any differently for not believing the same way that I do. Well, maybe if they use it as an excuse to hurt someone but that's another can of worms. It's their free will and in the end I have no right to judge. However, for me this is it. And at the end of April, we received some pretty amazing news. And just like my mother said "God has the last word." 

Many didn't know what I was going through these last few month's. Well my family and I. Here's part of my testimony....
Posted by Linda Graciale on Thursday, April 16, 2015

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Thoughts on a Thursday

About a week after claiming that I would get back to blogging regularly I was hit with three exams back to back. I started working on new blog pages, and started brainstorming some ideas that I wanted to post about. I worked on finally uploading all of those damn pictures that are just sitting on our camera. I was feeling inspired; creative. Then the following week my brother-in law decided to come for a visit so we spent a lot of time out and about. As welcomed as the visit was, I wasn't in the right place. Recently, I've been dealing with anxiety; a story for another time. I tried to make the best of it, but I know I wasn't much fun during that week at all. And then one morning during that same week while getting everyone ready for the day, and trying to find my damn keys I received a call from my mother. "Do you remember that surgery your aunt had a few weeks ago?" Yes. "Well...it's...it's cancer." 

We've had a lot of questions answered and some not so much. We know what it is, it's aggressiveness, and the statistics. It's been hard for some of us to really understand what comes next. Everything is up in the air, and yet at the same time it's...still. It's harder for my mom because she feels a bit helpless knowing she can't actually be there in Georgia with my aunt through this. As the time ticks away, and the day's go by turning into weeks this gets worse. So far, there is nothing to be done until she's healed from the first surgery. And now there are second opinions to be had, hospitals to visit, decisions to consider. My mother is thinking of taking a leave of absence from work over the summer to go out there. For now there has been a lot of praying, church, and prayer groups both here and there. My aunt is positive, and more at peace with this news than I would imagine anyone to be. She keeps in contact with us, and lets us know everything that is happening as well as future plans. We receive scriptures, and bible verses. My mother is trying her best to stay positive and to be at peace with whatever may come, but over this weekend she let that slip for a few minutes. And as we sat in the middle of an empty laundry mat at 7 am she cried while I hugged her. I have only ever imagined the pain that would come if I were to ever lose my brother. I don't think I'd be able to breathe. But my mom, who is just as close to her siblings as I am my brother, is actually having to feel this. She really has to consider that she could possibly lose a sister. And that, to me, is heartbreaking. 

Even though my aunt and I don't get to see each other very often, she's still an important person to me. I love her, and she's a really wonderful person. She's bubbly, bright, and has this strong love for God that I only wish to one day achieve. I can talk to her about anything and there's no judgement. Growing up I was always told that my personality held parts of her, and parts of one other aunt. It's like I was split equally they always said. I always took that as a compliment because the women in my family are pretty extraordinary in their own right. So, for something like this to happen to her it just feels unreal. I feel like I haven't yet accepted it, and even now as I write about it this just seems like a really bad dream. I keep telling my mom that this worry is all for nothing. She's going to kick cancer's ass, and it'll just be another thing that makes her such a badass. Still, as with anything, there's always that negative. There's always the tiny little thought at the back of your mind telling you that this could end badly. That this could be one of those cases where bad shit happens to good people and there isn't a damn thing we can do about it. I'm trying to fix that though. I'm trying to stay positive. I'm trying my best to be there for my mom. And for now, all we can do is wait. And hope. So, if things don't pick up around here like I had hoped/wanted it to just know it's for a reason.