Better Boundaries

If I’m being honest, I was never really good at establishing boundaries or enforcing them. If you read back far enough on this blog, during my first marriage, it’s very apparent. While I would consider myself a strong person who got through some pretty rough times, I often wonder if outcomes would have been different had I enforced boundaries. Would I be different too? And well, I try not to get lost in that train of thinking because it’s in the past - there’s no going back there. But, sometimes I do wonder, what if?

Now, since my divorce and remarriage, I feel that I have gotten better at establishing boundaries. However, I do still find myself letting people push past them. Or, sometimes, even completely disregard them. And after my last little emotional breakdown, due to someone completely disregarding a boundary that I had verbally set, repeatedly. I decided that this needed to stop. So, the subject of boundaries is at the forefront of my mind these days.

I started reading the Boundaries series by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend. And when I say read, I mean listening to the audiobook version on my way to and from work. It’s been pretty insightful. And sometimes, it feels like I’m being called out. In a good way. I’ll pause the book to let some of the information sink in. Sometimes, I’ll deny my guilt before the realization that I am actually guilty of the action or inaction being talked about hits me. Other times, I can smile with pride knowing that I've actually been implementing something correctly. It’s been eye-opening, to say the least.

So, the lesson I’m learning, is that I have no one to blame but myself. I am responsible for myself, my feelings, and my reactions. And no one can fix the issues but me. Whether that means speaking up more often or following through with consequences after people repeatedly disregard my boundaries. It’s all up to me. Now it can get difficult when dealing with family - your own or the one you married into. It can also be difficult to have boundaries with your partner, spouse, or even your children. And honestly, boundaries won’t all look the same for everyone. For example, my boundaries with my husband will be different from those I have with my daughter. And those will look completely different from the ones I establish with in-laws. But they are still important to have to create healthy, strong, and loving relationships.

I'll try to write a more in-depth post once I've finished this book.  For now, I look forward to learning more about boundaries. I’ve talked about them before, and I’ve loosely applied certain principles. However, life lately has been a bit of a rollercoaster, and I’m really interested in learning how to cultivate and maintain healthy boundaries with everyone in my life. Not just for my benefit, but their’s as well.